Blog Crush

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Crush

A Crush is a mysterious animal, a combination of anticipation, fear, uncertainty, nervousness and being drunk.

The alcohol link works like this: For me, the peak alcohol buzz is at 1.2 martinis. That's the drinking waypoint which gives me feeling akin to having a Crush, or being in Crush, as it might be. That feeling is kind of shivery inside, a cool happiness full of wanting what might be.

Maybe that's why we drink, because that emotion emulates the Crush, at least for some of us.

Trying to dissect a Crush is difficult because they are such slippery creatures. One day you have no Crush, the next you have a terribly yawning desire for the Crushee. Crushes follow us through life, like those parasitic fish who follow sharks around the ocean. Oh. Maybe that's not the best analogy.

What I mean about Crushes is that they're entirely illogical and utterly unpredictable. My past Crushes have been on girls I have known for a while, not women new to me. For some reason the reservoir of emotion overflows the dam holding it in, and BOOM - I'm Crushed. Hopeless. Helpless. Unable to put her out of my mind.








Photo from this great site. [link]

Black Bean Dip

It's been a long week, and work will continue to keep me busy well through next week, so please forgive my few words and lame post title :)

Tortilla Soup w/Guacamole & Flax Chips

Keeping in tune with using things up at home, I used a Tequila Lime Turkey Tenderloin and quite a few cans... that may or may not have made the move from Philly with me ;) (Hey, at least they were put to good use!) These goods went into Kelly's Tortilla Soup (very yummy!) and a random White Chili I probably wouldn't make again, so I didn't photograph it.

Carrot Cake Babies

As a carrot cake lover, I knew I had to try some of Katie's Carrot Cake Macaroons... however I don't have any coconut butter, so mine were made from a finely shredded carrot, unsweetened coconut, almond meal, dates and vanilla extract. I guess they ended up more like Diana's! Love these babies :) Although now I'm realizing I forgot cinnamon, walnuts, and other spices... next time!!

Gruyere Crackers

Hmm, I also made some Gruyere Crackers (made with cave-aged Gruyere instead of Parm, all white whole wheat flour, and Smart Balance sticks for butter) and Black Bean Dip to bring along with me tomorrow... it tastes better than it looks!

Black Bean Dip

Black Bean Dip


1 can black beans, drained (reserving 1T juice) and rinsed
1T reserved canning liquid
1-2T lemon/lime juice
1 clove garlic
1T chopped onion
1t chipotle/adobo sauce
pinch salt
~1/2t cumin
3-4T freshly chopped cilantro
1T olive oil

Combine all ingredients in food processor and blend until smooth! Serve with tortilla chips, veggies, or as a sandwich/wrap spread.

Eating Well Makes Good Sense

For those who think that going without meat, sugars, and processed foods means a bland, boring diet, think again. Buying local, seasonal, fresh produce and paying attention to what you eat pays off with big dividends.


The truth is, you'll save money and feel better. What's more, you won't be giving up convenience. Most of these dishes can be made in 30 minutes or less.



Salads


Arugula Salad with Avocado


Arugula Salad with Hazelnuts, Carrots, and Avocados


Arugula Salad with Persimmons and Pomegranate Seeds


Black Kale, Kabocha Squash, Cheddar Cheese and Almonds

Bulgar Salad with Celery


Carrot Salad with Lemon-Soaked Raisins


Chopped Parsley Salad



Cole Slaw with Capers


Couscous Salad with Grilled Vegetables


Egg Salad


Farmers' Market Fresh Chopped Vegetable Salad


Grilled Corn Salads


Grilled Vegetable Couscous Salad


Grilled Vegetables


Parsley-Grilled Corn Salad


Potato Salad with Corn


Risotto with Summer Vegetables


Roasted Beet Salad


Salad-e Shirazi: Iranian Cucumbers, Cherry Tomatoes, and Onions


Spinach Salad


Tomato and Avocado Salad


Tomato, Avocado, Corn and Garlic Toast Salad


Wilted Spinach Salad

Soups, Snacks, Sauces, and Side Dishes


The Amazingly Versatile Blackened Pepper


Baked Sweet Potatoes with Sauteed Shallots, Garlic, and Mushrooms


Braised Sprouted Broccoli

Cannelini Beans with Roasted Tomatoes and Spinach


Caramelized Vegetable Pasta

Charmoula Sauce for Salads, Side Dishes, and Entrees



An Easy Saute with Brussels Sprouts and Carrots


Grilled Artichokes


Grilled Corn on the Cob


Grilled Vegetables


Farmers' Market Fresh Vegetable Saute


Homemade Vegetable Soup

Kale Sauteed with Garlic and Farm Fresh Vegetables


Kimchi Ramen Soup


Kosher Pickles



Mushroom Soup


Potatoes, Mashed, for Breakfast


Quesadillas, Open Faced


Ramen Soup with Kimchi and Farmers' Market Fresh Vegetables


Roasted Brussels Sprouts


Roasted Garlic-Tomato Sauce


Roasted Tomatoes


Roasted Tomato Sauce


Salt Crusted Fingerling Potatoes


Salt Steamed Broccoli


Sauteed Beet Greens


Sauteed Kale with Vegetables


Steamed Artichokes


Summer Vegetable Risotto


Sweet Potatoes Grilled


Sweet Potato Inari Sushi


Tapenade the Frugal Cook's Secret Weapon


Tomato-Vegetable Soup


Tomatoes, Roasted, for Easy-to-Make Sauce


Tomatoes, Roasted Whole or Sliced


Vegetable Soup


Vegetable Soup for Cold Weather


Entrees


Brown Sugar Pork Ribs


Chicken Wings with Kimchi Glaze

Curry, Easy-to-Make

Ginger-Soy Sauce Poached Black Cod

Cioppino with Roasted Tomatoes and Garlic Toasts

Ginger-Soy Black Cod

Green Garlic and Clams

Grilled Shrimp

Grilled Shrimp with a Tex-Mex Dry Rub


Kimchi Chicken Wings

Low Cal Breaded Fish Fillets


Israeli Couscous with Vegetables

Italian Sausages and Roasted Tomatoes

Native American-Style Salmon

Pasta Alla Checca

Pasta with Roasted Corn and Garlic

Ribs, Brown Sugar Glaze

Risotto with Farmers' Market Fresh Squash Blossoms and Baby Zucchini

Roasted Cherry Tomato and Shiitake Mushroom Pasta

Salmon with a Garlic-Citrus Glaze

Sauteed Fish with Capers, Corn, and Tomatoes



Skewered Cherry Tomatoes

Tequila Glazed Shrimp

Tofu, Beet Greens, and Brown Rice

Tofu with Crispy Toppings

Desserts



Baked Cherries

Baked Plums

Custard

Fig Tart with Crystalized Ginger Crust and Roasted Almonds

Honey Poached Apples and Pears with Cinnamon, Vanilla, Raisins, and Peppercorns

Friday Fluffer - The Rise of the Hedgehog

If anyone is qualified to write about Fluffers, it's Ron Jeremy. [Wikipedia link] This is his autobiography which, as you can see, didn't sell at full retail price. The publisher's loss is our gain, because this isn't a half bad read.

Ron tells the tale of his loves and likes in fine style. He started out as a legit actor, but then his penis got in the way.*

In case you don't know, Ron is one of the universe's most prolific porn actors. His curriculum penii includes more than 1,750 films, over 4,000 sex partners and the dubious boast that the oldest women with whom he had sex on video was Rosie, aged 87. They co-starred in 87 and Still Bangin'.

Describing how he separates sex with women on camera and sex with girlfriends, Ron says that "sex is like" leaving us to draw the conclusion that romantic sex is something else. Presumably, if a man walks up to a woman and says:

Hi. I like you. Let's have sex, she'll react positively.

Yeah. Only on porn sets.









*For the record, Ron's penis is 9.75 inches long.

The Hardest (working) Man in Showbiz by Ron Jeremy. ISBN: 978-0-06-084082-2

How to Store Shiitakes and a Mushroom Soup That's Perfect for Chilly Days

At most supermarkets, shiitakes aren't cheap so they have to be used sparingly. But at Asian markets, they're inexpensive. $3.99/pound at Mitsuwa in Santa Monica and $2.69/pound at SF Supermarket in Little Saigon. At those prices, it's reasonable to buy several pounds.

In general, shiitakes come in two forms: the slender stemmed variety and the ones which are fatter, with thicker stems and caps. Mitsuwa and SF Supermarket sell the fatter variety, which have a meater flavor.

With so many on hand, they can be used liberally in pastas and soups, grilled, and sautéed with garlic and shallots.

But how to store the ones not eaten those first couple of days?

Everyone knows that mushrooms should only be stored in the refrigerator in paper bags because kept in plastic they quickly go bad. Use a brown paper bag--not a white one, which is coated with wax so the moisture stays inside the bag--in combination with paper towels. The moisture that normally accumulates on the outside of the mushroom is absorbed by the layers of paper.

Kept in the refrigerator another week or two, the brown paper bag-paper towel combination acts as a dehydrator pefectly drying the mushrooms. This technique only works successfully with shiitakes.

If by chance any of the dried shiitakes develop mold, discard and keep the good ones. In my experience, more than 95% will dehydrate without harm.

To reconstitute dried shiitakes, put them in a heat proof bowl, pour in enough boiling water to cover, place a smaller bowl on top to keep the mushrooms submerged. Leave for 30 minutes until they soften.

Gently squeeze out the water but reserve the liquid for later use. Cut and discard the stems. At this point the mushroom caps can be cooked as if they were fresh.

Shiitake Mushroom Soup with Garlic

Shiitakes have a meaty, sweet flavor that is deliciously satisfying in this easy-to-make soup, perfect for a drizzly winter day.

Yield: Serves 4

Time: 45 minutes

Ingedients

2 cups shiitake mushrooms, fresh (stems and caps) or reconstituted (stems removed), washed, thin sliced
4 garlic cloves, peeled, finely chopped
4 shallots or 1 small yellow onion, peeled, findely chopped
4 cups chicken stock, preferably homemade
1 tablespoon olive oil
Sea salt and pepper

Method

In a large sauce pan, sauté the mushrooms, garlic, and shallots with the olive oil until lightly browned. Add the chicken stock and, if using reconstituted mushrooms, 1/2 cup of the soaking water. Simmer 30 minutes.

Taste and adjust the seasoning with salt and pepper as needed.

Variations

Substitute water for the chicken stock to make a vegetarian version, in which case simmer the mushrooms a bit longer and add 1 tablespoon of butter for flavor

Season with 1 tablespoon finely chopped fresh rosemary

Add to the saute 4 cups spinach leaves, washed, stems removed, roughly chopped

Add to the saute and brown 2 Italian sausages, roughly chopped,

Add to the saute and brown 1 chicken breast, roughly chopped

Add to the saute 1 cup fresh, deveined shrimp, roughly chopped

Add to the soup 1/4 cup cream and 1 tablespoon butter

Add to the soup at the end 2 packages ramen noodles cooked first in boiling water for 10 minutes then divided equally among the 4 servings

Mr Clean

With a couple of hours to spare around noon today, here's what I did.

1. Grabbed my caddy of environmentally friendly cleaning products (which, by the way, I keep close to me at all times.)

2. Collected, from my 'cleaning' drawer, micro-fibre squares, sponges and polishing cloths.

3. Entered the bathroom.

Working from the top down, I cleaned the tiles first, shower and tub. Then on to the vanity, which is probably the easiest part, although faucets can be tricky. Toilet next, making sure to get to all those idiotic curves at the base that those dumb toilet designers create specifically to confound us. Then on to the floor, where you would have found me on hands and knees with an old toothbrush cleaning the grout. Lastly, the mirror, door handles, towel rails and the shelves of the medicine cabinet.

I stood up after about thirty minutes and looked upon my work with pride.

A (woman) friend opined recently that, had it been her bathroom, I could have expected a blowjob at that point. Is this a common reaction, and should I start a high-end cleaning business?





No, that's not my bathroom pictured. [link]

Oh, God, I'm about to come, Oh God, Ohhhhhhhhhh,Gooooooooooooddd.

It's the point you've been hoping to reach, that pre-ecstasy moment where (I guess) she leans over the edge of the Grand Canyon before letting herself fall.

If I'm finger-banging my girlfriend, the whole point is to find her climax. They can be predictable, easily wrangled, neither elusive nor skittish, but don't try cashing in that guarantee. As soon as you think you've got it wired, something changes.

But for the most part it's cool knowing I can get her off with two or three or (ahem) four fingers, good navigation and some delicacy. Reaching this point the first few times, a small fear creeps in, a fear that doubts you're doing the right thing. The fear says that you need a change-up, to do something more, rearrange the rhythm to get her over the top.

The trick is to not give in to the fear - don't stop, and don't change. Keep on keeping on until you watch her giving in to the feeling. At that point, your job's done. Sit back and enjoy the wonderful leg-shaking, hip thrusting, nipple grabbing, head-back howling joy.


Pic from here.[link]

Edited for spelling and clarity.

Sweet Potato Lovin'

You guys were spot on, Hawaii does eat alot of SPAM!! Can't say I've ever tried it...

I keep forgetting to mention that Katie is having a jaw-dropping giveaway going on here! I would give an arm and a leg for a vitamix!!! Ok, maybe not, but I would jump through the roof if I scored a Vitamix! Hmmm, let's just settle on I'd be SUPER excited :)

Has anyone else heard about the claims against agave nectar? I first read this article, and then this one from a link in the comments. ~sigh~ Anyone have any insights?? It probably does boil down to what someone said: sugar is sugar is sugar, moderation is key! Yeah, gotta work on that...

I was just telling Kerstin that I'm trying to get better about using what I have on hand, and this is the first installment: sweet potatoes! Everything was delicious, but if I had to pick a favorite, the spoonbread might've taken the cake-- the goat cheese was nice and pillow-y amidst the luscious sweet potatoes... holy yum!

Barley Sweet Potato Hash from Simply Organic (recipe here)

Creamy Wild Rice Soup w/Sweet Potato Croutons from Supernatural Cooking (recipe here)

Sweet Potato Spoonbread from Supernatural Cooking (recipe here)

Instead of more trivia, I'd like to remind you of the Bake Sale for Haiti!! Bidding takes place tomorrow (the 27th), with all the proceeds going to the American Red Cross. Please go and see all the goodies available, and bid if you can! What can be better than getting some baked goods for supporting a good cause?? I'll be making up a batch of Seven Layers if you want some :) BID HERE!!!

Seven Layers

Cooking with Condoms

Beware all you non-bareback fuckers out there. The LA Times reports that China is not only producing low-quality goods for Walmart, those sneaky commies are in your wallet or purse now too.

Millions of knock-off Trojans were produced and exported to the USA in 2008, and it turns out they're still out there. [link]

From the article:

None of the counterfeits are properly sterilized, and others are of such inferior quality that they could rupture during use. Authorities say they're all dangerous.

And:

Authorities have yet to track down more than 1 million condoms they believe have been distributed nationwide, lubricated with vegetable oil and stored in metal drums.

Lubricated with vegetable oil. Hopefully they're MSG-free, otherwise you'll bonk, and ten minutes later you'll want to do it all again.




Pic (ironically) from here [link]

Root Veggie Salad w/Orange Dressing

I've been meaning to tell you about this salad for some time now. It was delicious, involving some of my favorite autumn foods (apples, beets and carrots). It's even raw! Being new to the beet scene, I have come to love them roasted-- I wasn't sure how they would be raw. Turns out there was nothing to be afraid of :) I will definitely be making this again!

the main players

My changes to the recipe for this Root Vegetable Salad w/Cranberries, Pecans and Orange dressing were the following:
-I left out the celery root (didn't have it)
-My ratio of orange juice to oil was a little high (I had a big orange and i'm usually shy on the oil)
-I added in the optional POM arils and toasted pecans.


Here's another trivia question for you... What state leads the United States in SPAM consumption?? Yes, we're talking about the canned meat here, folks!

Friday Fluffer - Who's a lesbian now then?

Like anyone cares, but Meredith Baxter* (pictured) has found the confines of her closet somewhat restrictive, and exited with a new title: lesbian. Yay her. I mention this only because of the article in which I read this news, which quoted an academic person thusly:

While evidence is anecdotal, "the consensus in the field is that these late-life transitions are more common for women than men," said Lisa Diamond, a professor of psychology and gender studies at the University of Utah. Her book, "Sexual Fluidity: Understanding Women's Love and Desire," posits that women's sexual feelings are more complicated than straight or gay, and may change over a lifetime. [link]

It reminded me of some other research in which I personally participated:

While evidence is anecdotal, "the consensus in the field is that Wombat attracts more women after he's had a glass or two of red wine," said a source. "It's more common for women to realize they want to bed a burrowing marsupial once his tongue's loosened by alcohol." The source, a graduate student of Wombat Studies, said "Marsupials are complicated. It's not as easy as you might think, what with the nocturnality and so on. The women often change their minds in the morning."

Or this, sent to me by a friend:

While evidence is anecdotal, "the consensus in the field is that girl-on-girl action is more likely to occur when money changes hands," said Maria Sappho, an associate professor. Her thesis is entitled 'Hookers and Poon: why guys have to pay professionals to live out their fantasies.' "Threesomes involving one man and two women are more complicated than pornographic movies suggest," Maria said. "Cash probably works, unless one of the girls has a credit card reader. The guy often feels regret when he checks his credit card statement."





Quote of the day: Gardening experts Mary Henry and Margaret Purcell like to joke that "we slept together for years before we realized we were lesbians."

*Meredith.[link]

Pic of Meredith direct from her agent. And pretty much everywhere on the internet when you search her.

Spring It!

I've got a special announcement today... I have partnered with Springpad!


What is Springpad? A FREE personal organizer. Use it to collect and organize recipes (from my site and anywhere in the world wide web, plan meals for the week and generate grocery lists! How cool is that?? It's not just for recipes, either-- use it to plan trips and date nights, track restaurants or receipts, or even keep notes about wines you've tried.

(Spring It button under recipe, Springpad banner in middle of page)

How do you get started? Register for an account with springpad (or Logon if you're already a member). When you see a recipe you want to try, Spring it by clicking the button you can now find in my recipe posts!! (see above image) If you want to take a look at all the recipes in my account, click the banner on the right. Once you've saved a few recipes, you can organize them and generate a shopping list from recipes you want to cook that week.

saved recipe in Springpad

I think this will become a great tool to help organize all of the recipes I want to try (I won't even attempt to put a number on it!), and I hope you find it useful as well :)

Good Morning Kiss

Another reason (if you're single) to find a mate is to make certain you start each day right - with a morning smooch. People everywhere wake up and pucker up, a sensible ritual that might even aid your health.

I read about a study recently where 500 people, both couples and singles, kept a diary about their morning kissing schedule. The results were surprising only to the extent of the scale of the benefit to those who made a point of kissing their mate upon waking. On average, the men lived around 1 year and three months longer than their non-kissing peers, and women likewise lived around 1 year five months longer.

Actually, I totally made that up. There is no such study, although it would be fascinating to see. But I bet you had a positive reaction. It feels right to us that a morning kiss is good for you. And you know what? I'd put money on the fact that couples who deliberately have a kiss and a cuddle in the morning do in fact live longer. And those who have sex as soon as they wake live forever. Okay, I made that up too, but I got you thinking.

That's the wonder of relationships. I believe we can influence our happiness, and even our longevity, by being even the tiniest bit conscious of how we think and how we communicate, especially with our sig oth. Even if you get out bed on the proverbial wrong side, a thoughtful kiss might well mitigate your mood.






Pic from here.[link]

Caramelized Vegetable Pasta

If you can't get your kids to eat vegetables, try caramelizing them to bring out their natural sweetness. It's as easy as tossing them in olive oil seasoned with sea salt and pepper, sauteing, grilling, or roasting them in the oven.

For a quick, affordable, nutritious meal, add pasta, leave a little broth in the bottom of the bowl, top with grated cheese and they'll come back for seconds.

Caramelized Vegetable Pasta

Yield: 4

Time: 30 minutes

Ingredients

1 small yellow onion or 3 shallots, washed, peeled, finely chopped
4 garlic cloves, peeled, finely chopped
1/4 pound mushrooms, shiitake or brown mushrooms, washed, thin sliced
1 cup Italian parsley, leaves only, washed, finely chopped
1 medium carrot, washed, peeled, finely chopped
1 cup corn off the cob during the summer

1 cup broccoli stems or florets, washed, roughly chopped

1 pound pasta, preferably De Cecca, spaghetti, gnocchi pasta, penne, ziti or whatever you like
2 tablespoons olive oil
1 tablespoon Kosher salt
1 tablespoon sweet butter
1/2 cup freshly grated Parmesan cheese
Sea salt and pepper

Method

Saute all the vegetables in 1 tablespoon olive oil until softened. Season with sea salt and pepper to taste. Set aside.

Boil a large pot of water. Add the Kosher salt. Add the pasta. To prevent sticking, stir well throughout the cooking, about 10 minutes. Put a heat-proof cup or a Pyrex measuring cup that can hold 1 1/2 cups into the sink next to the strainer. When you drain the pasta, capture 1 1/2 cups of pasta water. Set aside.

Put the pasta back into the pot. Drizzle the remaining tablespoon of olive oil over the pasta. Toss well. Season with sea salt and pepper. Toss. To keep the pasta warm, lay a piece of aluminum foil over the top of the pot but do not seal. Set aside.

Put the sauteed vegetables back on a medium flame. Add 1/2 cup of the pasta water and the sweet butter and reduce over a medium flame for 15 minutes. Toss the vegetables to coat. Add the pasta and another 1/2 cup of pasta water. Toss the pasta and vegetables to mix well. If you need more liquid, add more of the pasta water.

Just before serving, pour the pasta, broth and vegetables into a large bowl. Serve with the grated cheese alongside.

Variations

To add heat, put 1/4 teaspoon of tabasco or a pinch of cayenne when you're sauteing the vegetables.

Add 2 cups sliced cooked chicken breast.

Add 1 cup raw shrimp, washed, deveined, roughly chopped to the vegetables when you add the pasta water.

In addition to the vegetables in the recipe, add others you enjoy, like peppers, asparagus, zucchini, celery, chopped tomatoes, even cooked potatoes.

Resignation

Being single is okay, but that might be resignation talking.

Resignation has a habit of filling silence with verbal equivalents of shrugs and open hands raised in surrender. He (or she) is the kind of emotion who sits in a comfortable chair in a corner at parties, not saying much, but making it count when he (or she) does.

Not that Resignation is devastatingly funny or heart-breakingly pithy; it isn't. His (or her) trick is timing, knowing when competition is at a minimum. Resignation is what's left when there's not that much left.

Like I wrote, he (or she) lives to fill the gap.





Oil from here. [link]

Sundance and the Sundance Film Festival

To most people the Sundance Film Festival means Park City, Utah. With a broad valley at the base of the mountains, the city has the look of a classic winter resort, except that during the Festival most people aren't skiing, they're either standing in line outside theaters or inside watching movies.

But the Festival also screens films at its namesake, the Sundance Resort, just 30 minutes away.

If you want to see some of the Festival films in a quieter setting, try seeing them at Sundance.

Sundance occupies a narrow canyon with majestic Mt. Timpanogos looking down on the slopes. The crowds of filmgoers stay in Park City so you won't have to stand in line or miss a screening because it's sold out.

After the film you can take a walk outside, enjoying the clear mountain air. To get some exercise, take a break by skiing down the mountain, then, if you're hungry, walk to the Foundry Grill and have a bowl of hot soup and a sandwich. Before you go back inside for another film, take a minute to enjoy the scenery, and, as many people do, stand on the wooden bridge and watch the turbulent stream calm itself in the reflecting pond.

That way you'll get the best of both worlds.

Good Causes

I went cross country skiing today and am need to get to bed asap, as I scheduled a dentist appointment at 7am tomorrow (why? I'm sure it seemed like a good idea at the time). With all that's going on in the world, I thought I'd share some of the ways we can do our part to help...

Visit Marathon Val to get information about organizing a Dress Down for Haiti, The Chic Life to participate in an Online Bakesale for Haiti, or donate directly to the Red Cross.

Matt (No Meat Athlete) is donating revenue from this months' page views to The Humane Society of the United States, so go click around in his archives.

Another cause near and dear to my... err, heart, Musselman's is donating 10cents to the National Breast Cancer Foundation for every Musselman's Natural Apple Sauce purchased in the month of January! There's still a couple weeks to help out, and you can make some Acorn Apple Soup to warm up. (Full disclosure: Musselman's sent me the package below to sample/review!)

Sticky

Wet-spot and post-bonk jokes aside, there's a kind of cosmic glue that holds people together.

You know the kind of glue you buy at the hardware store to repair stuff you've broken at home? The kind that costs a mint and requires two tubes of foul-smelling, vaguely dangerous-looking goo? Well, dating is the process of mixing the two parts of this Love Epoxy together. We squeeze, mix, apply, clamp, wait, and at some point you'll figure out if you're attached to the other person or not.

Unfortunately, even the best glue can come unstuck. Just as when you repair that lamp or piece of crockery, relationships can split along the same axis to which you applied the sticky stuff in the first place. This is not pessimism. It is simply an observation of change within relationships that we're powerless to stop.

The upside is that if one epoxy formula loses its 'stick' there are always other combinations that will work. In fact, I'd say that relationship maintenance - the same as preventive maintenance on your car - is all about exploring other kinds of glue. Experimenting with small amounts of other compounds can be fun, and might lead you to lots of different ways to stay together.

Fitting together's great, but sticking together's good too.



Pic from here.[link]

Be Prepared, Boy and Girl Scouts

If we were serious about dating, we'd spend time preparing. We'd ask ourselves questions, pre-think scenarios, contemplate the the optimum outcome - in other words, we'd to a little homework.

Dating is a combination of job interview, performance evaluation, therapy session, doctor's appointment, détente, casting call, trial, interrogation and water-boarding (giving and taking.) Granted, not all dates encompass all elements. Some dates are like a delightful walk through a perfumed garden, others more like being assigned to watch an endless loop of your least favourite tv show.

If you're anything like me, you worry way more about how you look and smell before you head out on a date. Freshly bathed? Check. Shaved? Check. Man perfume? Check. Hair? Check. Clothing and shoes and accessories? Check. Right. Good to go.

No need to discontinue all that, but a little time thinking would be useful too, particularly in the early innings. Instead of reacting to whatever is said or whatever happens, spend time pondering the following:

Is there an outcome I have in mind for this date?

Is it the dating part I like, or the person?

Am I looking for a LTR, a shag, or something in-between?

What non-verbal messages do I broadcast?

What are the red flags I should look for?

How will I react when she (inadvertently or purposely) finds a button?

Will I be scrupulously honest about everything? (Feelings too.)

What do I want to know about my date?

Plus a million others...

I think it matters less what you think about than the fact that you are thinking about it. Any mental space you create between the real world and the world in your head is filled with pure oxygen. In that gap lies what I call my 'Understanding Room' where I get to see life stuff more clearly. There's room for understanding there.

Humans are good at creating mental paths around abstracts like "Why am I dating this person?" We justify, ignore, look the other way, think of something else, mask, divert, pretend, create straw men (and women) and convolute any number of ways to do anything but look at life straight-on.

But I have strayed from the dating idea. Think of it this way: folks who fly aeroplanes spend a lot of time in simulators where they can practise stuff that will keep the machine upright when the real world gets tricky. The simple act of thinking through 'what ifs' ahead of time makes a difference.






Picture from here. [link]

Friday Fluffer - Caged Heat

Although I cannot find the article online, I read recently about a woman falling in love with a man in prison. Unusual, to be sure, but not unheard of. Until you know their ages; she is 75, and he is 37. Crikey. That's odd enough in the non-incarcerated community, but when one party lives in the iron-bar motel...can we say 'screw loose'?

Which might not be the best expression if one's putative lover is doing porridge.

The big question is why anyone would fall for someone who is:

a) a criminal and

b) locked up.

But people do, and not just for non-violent felons. Serial killers like Jeffrey Dahmer and Ted Bundy attracted many women correspondents. Front and centre, those gals are fucked up.

How about we make a little money from this romantic backwater and set up a social network for folks looking for a little caged heat? Unfortunately, I'm too late. Here's Meet-an-Inmate, serving inmates and their free lovers since 1998. [link]


Also Jailbabes. [link]

Sex Before Marriage

Am I right in thinking that the distaste for pre-marital sex stems from Christian religious belief? Do any groups of agnostics, atheists, communists or other non-believers likewise implore the unmarried to abstain? And - forgive my ignorance - do Judaism, Buddhism, Shinto, Hinduism and Islam also teach that sex is a married person's activity only?

The arguments against sex before marriage are clear enough: sex is the physical act of making love, the result of which love is the miracle of a child, which child will require raising, for which the best institution is marriage, and marriage is a sacred union.

The arguments for SBM are similarly obvious: sex isn't always making love; modern contraceptives mean sex doesn't always result in a child; are we all naturally monogamous? for life?; sex is a big part of marriage, and buying without trying sets people up for misery or infidelity; sowing wild oats allows for stronger marriages and more mature people.

I'm sure you can add to both sides.

My interest lies not in changing the beliefs of either side. Having sex with someone in or out of marriage is a personal choice, a choice everyone must live with.

In my mind choosing no SBM is about abstinence, self-control, delayed gratification, belief, and life after death. It can also be about love.

In my mind, choosing SBM is about self-expression, freedom and feeling. It can also be about love.

The dilemma is that we can all identify with parts of both of these arguments. Therein lies my problem; the way this stuff is handled (at least publically) polarizes ideas about people when anyone with a brain can see both sides reflect different elements of being a human. Conflicting layers of understanding about ourselves and our place in the universe is a part of being us, and a better way to communicate this to our juveniles is worth pursuing.

In the same way I think our 'Sex Ed' is flawed [link] , so too is our approach to more complicated life decisions.

A bigger principle resides in this neighbourhood. Every freedom has a flip-side of responsibility, and every responsibility has a freedom. Problems arise when we see only freedoms, or only responsibilities.




Edited for clarity and spelling.

Cookie Swap!!

For the past year or two, I've said I run outside until it hits 30. When I laced up my shoes on Sunday NOAA said it was 16 degrees in Boston, 7 with the wind chill. My big mittens (and perhaps the sugar high) kept me warm until somewhere around mile 4, where my nose and knees told me to head in ;)

The stars of the afternoon!

But you didn't come here to hear how crazy I was the other night, you're here for the cookies!!! And boy did we have some amazing goodies! I was thrilled to have so many friends join me for an afternoon of fun and food. I offered up a few lighter, savory appetizers as everyone started to arrive and setup. I hope this will become an annual event ;)

The Savory Lineup
Salmon Mousse with pita crackers and cucumbers (I wouldn't recommend sub'ing fat-free greek yogurt for the sour cream in the recipe as I did, 2% might work but I haven't tried it)
Coconut Chai Almonds (followed this recipe using almonds instead of pecans, Zhea Gypsy's Coconut Chai Tea and left out the lemon zest)
Wholly Guacamole Salsa & Guacamole with chips
Mini Quiches w/Pear, Gorgonzola & Walnuts (this recipe needs work!)

Coconut Chai Almonds

The Sweet Lineup
Adrienne's Lime Meltaways (maybe this recipe?)
Bridget's Chocolate Orange Almond Macaroons
Elina's Espresso Crinkle Cookies
Kelly's Chocolate-Orange Cookie Dough Truffles
Kerstin's Peanut Butter Chubby Hubby Bars
Mary Kate's Black & White Cookies
Nicole's Lemon Almond Cranberry Crescents
Rebecca's Breakup Bars
(Shannon's) My Maple Toffee Bacon Oatmeal Cookies
Tina's Butterscotch Chocolate Chip Bars

Wholly Guacamole!

Just a few more notes...

I won the Wholly Guacamole products in a giveaway hosted by the Foodie Blogroll. They totally hooked me up (see all the goodies below), and we all loved the guac and spicy salsa!! The Squeeze of Lime Corazona chips they sent are also probably the best I've ever had of that variety! Thanks Jenn and Sylvia :)


And in case you aren't sick of cookies yet, thanks to Steph I participated in another Cookie Exchange. (what was I thinking?? I need to find my will power... I seemed to have lost it) I sent Nicole some Blueberry Lavender Butter Cookies and Crisp Salted Oatmeal White Chocolate Cookies. She graced me and my family with some amazing Chocolate Peppermint Cookies and Oatmeal Cran White Choc Cookies (recipes here). Thanks Nicole, they were thoroughly enjoyed!!