Sex Before Marriage

Am I right in thinking that the distaste for pre-marital sex stems from Christian religious belief? Do any groups of agnostics, atheists, communists or other non-believers likewise implore the unmarried to abstain? And - forgive my ignorance - do Judaism, Buddhism, Shinto, Hinduism and Islam also teach that sex is a married person's activity only?

The arguments against sex before marriage are clear enough: sex is the physical act of making love, the result of which love is the miracle of a child, which child will require raising, for which the best institution is marriage, and marriage is a sacred union.

The arguments for SBM are similarly obvious: sex isn't always making love; modern contraceptives mean sex doesn't always result in a child; are we all naturally monogamous? for life?; sex is a big part of marriage, and buying without trying sets people up for misery or infidelity; sowing wild oats allows for stronger marriages and more mature people.

I'm sure you can add to both sides.

My interest lies not in changing the beliefs of either side. Having sex with someone in or out of marriage is a personal choice, a choice everyone must live with.

In my mind choosing no SBM is about abstinence, self-control, delayed gratification, belief, and life after death. It can also be about love.

In my mind, choosing SBM is about self-expression, freedom and feeling. It can also be about love.

The dilemma is that we can all identify with parts of both of these arguments. Therein lies my problem; the way this stuff is handled (at least publically) polarizes ideas about people when anyone with a brain can see both sides reflect different elements of being a human. Conflicting layers of understanding about ourselves and our place in the universe is a part of being us, and a better way to communicate this to our juveniles is worth pursuing.

In the same way I think our 'Sex Ed' is flawed [link] , so too is our approach to more complicated life decisions.

A bigger principle resides in this neighbourhood. Every freedom has a flip-side of responsibility, and every responsibility has a freedom. Problems arise when we see only freedoms, or only responsibilities.




Edited for clarity and spelling.