Depression

Suffering from some kind of post New Year blues reminds me how debilitating depression is in relationships. Real, diagnosed, clinical depression and its many variations I'm talking about, not the passing sub-par-ness everyone catches from time to time.

My experience with a bipolar woman caught me by surprise. She seemed normal, almost super-happy in the first weeks we dated, and I figured she was a winner. Later, I understood that her pendulum was at the manic end of things during that period. That explained her hyper-energy, extreme sociability and sexual aggression. Had I been better prepared, I would have recognized these behaviours for what they are. And I would have stayed away.

Heartless as it might seem, starting a relationship with a clinically depressed woman would be a bad move for me. Being generally of mild temperament and logical disposition, dealing with someone else's manic to depressive swings takes away all my energy. Because I find myself emotionally lost with someone ill with depression, my mental process suffers too, then my health. Ergo, failed relationship.

Not that I'm saying the depressed and the non-depressed can't get together. Of course they can. But it depends a lot on communication, with both people clearly understanding the way depression works. I think that plans made in advance of the extremes of behaviour help a lot, taking away much of the uncertainty for the non-depressive partner. Doctors and medication and therapy should be a part of those plans.

There are some big numbers thrown around describing the numbers of people affected. No doubt, it's a big problem. But it's not a problem that improves when another person is dragged down by second-hand depression. Knowing one's own limitations can save heartache beyond description.








Photo from here. [link]