If we were serious about dating, we'd spend time preparing. We'd ask ourselves questions, pre-think scenarios, contemplate the the optimum outcome - in other words, we'd to a little homework.
Dating is a combination of job interview, performance evaluation, therapy session, doctor's appointment, détente, casting call, trial, interrogation and water-boarding (giving and taking.) Granted, not all dates encompass all elements. Some dates are like a delightful walk through a perfumed garden, others more like being assigned to watch an endless loop of your least favourite tv show.
If you're anything like me, you worry way more about how you look and smell before you head out on a date. Freshly bathed? Check. Shaved? Check. Man perfume? Check. Hair? Check. Clothing and shoes and accessories? Check. Right. Good to go.
No need to discontinue all that, but a little time thinking would be useful too, particularly in the early innings. Instead of reacting to whatever is said or whatever happens, spend time pondering the following:
Is there an outcome I have in mind for this date?
Is it the dating part I like, or the person?
Am I looking for a LTR, a shag, or something in-between?
What non-verbal messages do I broadcast?
What are the red flags I should look for?
How will I react when she (inadvertently or purposely) finds a button?
Will I be scrupulously honest about everything? (Feelings too.)
What do I want to know about my date?
Plus a million others...
I think it matters less what you think about than the fact that you are thinking about it. Any mental space you create between the real world and the world in your head is filled with pure oxygen. In that gap lies what I call my 'Understanding Room' where I get to see life stuff more clearly. There's room for understanding there.
Humans are good at creating mental paths around abstracts like "Why am I dating this person?" We justify, ignore, look the other way, think of something else, mask, divert, pretend, create straw men (and women) and convolute any number of ways to do anything but look at life straight-on.
But I have strayed from the dating idea. Think of it this way: folks who fly aeroplanes spend a lot of time in simulators where they can practise stuff that will keep the machine upright when the real world gets tricky. The simple act of thinking through 'what ifs' ahead of time makes a difference.
Picture from here. [link]
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