It's Just a Little Kiss

If you and I were anthropologists from another galaxy, I'm sure we'd want to know more about kissing. What is this behaviour, and why do these humanoid life forms engage in it?

Kissing is perennially popular, for a start, which is a hint as to how enjoyable it is. That act of putting my lips to her lips is irresistible. Smell and taste a female once, you're hooked. Y'all are so soft and creamy, like a delicious cake, only an alive cake that kisses back. Hmmmm, perhaps not the best simile.

My first real make-out session was with Anna R. (Surname withheld so as not to embarrass her in her current marriage and high-profile public figurehood.) I can still taste her saliva and lip-gloss mix, not only because it's a life-changing act, but but because in the dark of a movie cinema, one's senses of smell and taste work overtime. Oh yes, the cinema was then the best place for teen snog-sessions, much like the drive-in movies were for the prior generation. I think Anna was further along the snog/sex continuum than I was, looking for more than just an hour of high-energy mouth-love. But I was happy and grateful and really only qualified for a snogfest. Anything more would have been an act too far.

Which brings me to the whole question of tongue interaction. As interstellar anthropologists, I'm certain we'd wonder precisely what pleasure results from such a thing. In the cool clear light of day, the idea of tongues engaging in the way we do when we kiss is at the very least a mystery. No doubt the internet has plenty of theories, but it seems to me it's all about connection. In some fundamental way, because we eat, speak and taste the world through our mouths, sharing that space with another person is as close a connection we can have without actual intercourse. 

It's telling that prostitutes reputedly consider kissing a John's mouth to be much more intimate than taking his cock into her mouth.  

My only point of concern about making out is that we so often think it's only a lead-up to more sexual activity. The joy of kissing as a destination of itself is worth consideration.



This link to a terrific BBC World Service Radio show about kissing, courtesy La Tigresse.

Bottoms Up, Crazy Snogging Fools.

Necking, Making Out and Just the Right Seasoning

Alena Seredova pic credit.

What ever happened to making out? I wonder if people still sit together on a couch or in the car and fool around with their clothes on, or whether we're all so sophisticated thesedays we go straight for the bonking.

Good make-out is more than just kissing, because kissing by itself is like food without seasoning. The salt and pepper of a smooch session are the little things, like some nibbling, a little hair-pulling, deep eye contact and so on. A skilled make-out artist knows the value of piano and forte, of innocence and raunch, and of fast and slow.

As any professional lady will tell you, kissing is more sensual and personal than mere fucking, which confirms my thinking - that we communicate more with a long kissing session than in a straightforward shag. Okay, maybe not, but it's certainly more subtle than all the reproductive stuff. Let's face it, all shagging is variations of thrusting and grinding, but kissing is infinitely more nuanced.

At least half of the make-out experience is smell and feel. The smell of a woman is an enormous turn-on, something that we all know but seem to think pertains only to her juicy parts. I, for instance, love the smell and feel of a woman's neck. The right neck - attached to the right woman - is a thing of beauty. Necks have heavenly curves that no mathematical formula can describe, and if they're touched in the right way, moaning results.

I like it when women moan and I'm pretty sure they do too.




Bottoms Up Make-Out Bandits.

Kissing Confidential

Gwendolyn Whiteside's photo credit. 

I was seven and she was seven. She kissed me once, then she kissed me again. She turned into my first kissing partner, a classroom conspiracy engineered by her. I was a lost but complicit co-conspirator, unsure of what it was all about. Why is she doing this? What part should I be playing here? Why does she taste so good?

Jane Phillips, where are you? Wanna give it another shot?

The kissing faded, as did her ardor for me. Perhaps our mutual lack of make-out skills doomed us from the start, but my suspicion is that I killed it. Too much thinking, not enough action. I should have just rolled with it, especially as Jane not only brought extra lunch to school for me, but went out of her way to walk home with me too. She was the definition of the perfect girlfriend. With memory of the kissing faded, what remained was her smell, which I can conjur to this day.

But Jane wasn't the first person to kiss me. That would, presumably, have been my mother. Right, so they're two completely different kinds of kissing, but they're the same physical action separated only by context. Interesting that at a family function we can kiss a close friend or relative as a sign of connection and fealty, then go on to kiss our wife or husband and communicate something so much more. Kissing is both an instrument of alliance and of overt sexuality.

If you're a mechanistic evolutionist you'd look for a reason for the kiss. For kissing to survive as a behaviour it must have some benefit for both parties. Let's see. There is the transfer of germs - good for babies acquiring their parents' immune sophistication. There is the shared smell of swapping skin flakes and saliva - a sort of hazmat solidarity. And there's the busting of the very last ring of personal space - a what's yours is mine suspension of physical defences. Add up these elements and we have that most endearing of human qualities, the ability to give yourself to another, signalled by the pressing of one's mouth onto the body, head or mouth of another.

Evolution is a brutal judge of superfluous behaviour. Kissing survives for only one reason, and that is because it aids species continuation. Kissing is a quick and dirty way of figuring out if you're a sexual match. Bad kisser, bad lover. If she tastes wrong, she probably is wrong. On the other hand, someone who gives good kiss moves a long way up the list of preferred partners, and, speaking personally, a good kisser is a heavenly gift notwithstanding the outcome. A good kisser stands alone as such, or can lead to extra complexity ie: another generation of kissers.

Which brings me to the undeniable fact - that kissing has power beyond simple intimacy. We're social creatures, and we're tactile too. We want to meld with a special other, and the power of this drive appears to go beyond mere reproduction. At a fundamental level, we understand that attachment to another one and then descending levels of closeness to relatives and non-related individuals in concentric circles fulfills us. It's tribalism, the need to belong and know that we belong. Hence the kiss of enormous variation, from the humble kissing of the hand - at your service, Your Majesty - to the unbridled heat of connection during sex.

 Kissing sends the universal message - I want to be a part of you.




Bottoms Up, You Big Beautiful Kissers You.

Horror Movie

I feel I have to tell you that whenever I watch a movie and a couple kiss, I have to turn away.

Zombies with arms torn off, bloody violence, Fight Club - none of these raises my blood pressure one point. But that close-up of a big smooch with that swelling music ensures that I look away from the screen and imagine myself elsewhere.

Phew. That feels better.






Bottoms Up, Kissistas!

Kiss Types

Reward offered.



Bottoms Up, Snoggers!



Click on Wombatgram for larger image.

Friday Fluffer - Kiss the Wombat

Today's Fluffer is for you nature lovers.






Bottoms Up, Marsupials!





Sweet kiss from here. [link]

I am not associated with Kiss the Wombat in any way. Who owns that site is a mystery to me, buy it's incumbent upon me to promote something so worthy.

Good Morning Kiss

Another reason (if you're single) to find a mate is to make certain you start each day right - with a morning smooch. People everywhere wake up and pucker up, a sensible ritual that might even aid your health.

I read about a study recently where 500 people, both couples and singles, kept a diary about their morning kissing schedule. The results were surprising only to the extent of the scale of the benefit to those who made a point of kissing their mate upon waking. On average, the men lived around 1 year and three months longer than their non-kissing peers, and women likewise lived around 1 year five months longer.

Actually, I totally made that up. There is no such study, although it would be fascinating to see. But I bet you had a positive reaction. It feels right to us that a morning kiss is good for you. And you know what? I'd put money on the fact that couples who deliberately have a kiss and a cuddle in the morning do in fact live longer. And those who have sex as soon as they wake live forever. Okay, I made that up too, but I got you thinking.

That's the wonder of relationships. I believe we can influence our happiness, and even our longevity, by being even the tiniest bit conscious of how we think and how we communicate, especially with our sig oth. Even if you get out bed on the proverbial wrong side, a thoughtful kiss might well mitigate your mood.






Pic from here.[link]

Kiss the Vagina, but is it foreplay?

Let's set up this foreplay business.

First up, it is mostly about the woman.

Secondly, it is a customary precursor to penetration.

Thirdly, it is not an essential precursor to penetration.

No point in me attempting to describe foreplay better than here. This is the best and most succinct description of sexual petting, despite the pedestrian source. Worth a read.

Definitions are fine, but I like looking outside the box, if you'll pardon the expression. A wonderful idea came to me after a long talk with a lover one day, when she said:

I love it when you look at me like you want to eat me, then fuck me.

That struck home because it expanded the universe of foreplay from an act with a beginning and end, to something couples can engage in all the time. If a simple look can engender sexual feelings in a woman, foreplay can be all-the-time-play.

As enticing as that sounds, it's not practical. But the message to men is clear; foreplay is about more than just physical contact. Subtle creatures that they are, women respond to many more stimuli than you'd imagine. The key to understanding foreplay is to see it as something you can think your way into.

Guys should try this experiment. Next time you sit down with your wife or girlfriend, consciously think of her as sex on wheels. Imagine her in the way that arouses you most, and how much you'd like to taste her and smell her and fuck her. Talk to her - not about sex - while you're actively thinking about bending her over the kitchen table, taking her from behind.

You will be hard put to prevent yourself looking at her like you want to take her right now, and she will probably notice. It works. You don't need to leer or be salacious. Simply bringing her and her sexuality to mind will alter the energy between you.

Women want to be wanted. Women want to be thought of as sexy. It does not require a full-on fuckfest to keep her simmering. Men, this is foreplay at its most simple.

Foreplay Part 1.

Foreplay Part 3.

Foreplay Part 4.

Kiss the Vagina

If there is a gene for foreplay, I was born without it.


{Allowing time for snarky jokes.}


But every man was born without such a thing, because foreplay is a learned skill, not something innate. What we guys are created with is an over-riding curiosity about women's bodies, a field of inquiry that I can imagine lasts until death.

Foreplay, however, is rather more than a game of doctors and nurses (as much fun as that might be). In a way, it is close to the pinnacle of a relationship between a man and a woman, in that it involves trust, sensitivity, humility, communication, feedback, patience and hopefully, humour.

That's the theme for this week: how men can be better at foreplay.

Foreplay Part 2.

Foreplay Part 3.

Foreplay Part 4.

French Kissing

There appears to be a lot of confusion about just what constitutes French Kissing. One definition is 'Upstairs shopping for downstairs business.'

Why it is called 'French' as opposed to 'Manhattan Kissing' or 'Inuit Kissing' is a mystery.

Wait, it couldn't be Inuit Kissing, because those folks rub noses. Ah-hah.

By inference then, 'Manhattan Kissing' would be 'Mid-Town shopping for Wall Street business.' Hey, I just think I've coined a new term, although it puts a new spin on 'working on Wall Street.'

Where were we? Ah, French Snogging. I have no idea why this is such a problem; it is full-lipped kissing with tongue interaction. Get it while you can.