Friday Fluffer - Soy Jism

Local television news rocks. If it weren't for the FCC these shows would instantly turn porno. My fellow Aussie, Mr Murdoch, employed NYC hottie Rosanna Scotto with this in mind. Cocks and cum are on her mind. Good girl.

You will not regret reading and watching this Gothamist SFW [link].

Or watch here if you're inclined.





Bottoms Up, Vegans!




Pic of Rosanna covered in white from here [link]

Ejaculate: You'll Make Her Happy

Reading Snaf's and KayDee's blogs recently has been a little like being backstage watching the audience reaction to a new Broadway production. The show - a musical, methinks, called Let the Spunk Fly - is a physical show, full of nudity and grunts that has a climax with a twist: there is no climax.

All of us backstage are men, in on the plot twist. And those in the audience are all women, who have no idea what's about to happen.

The real trick of the show is that the women leave thinking that something's happened, when in fact nothing has.

Okay, okay, enough of the smart-arse metaphors.

It looks like lots of chicks are surprised that they're not the only ones providing artificial orgasms. My reaction is everyman's - Huh? You mean I fooled you the way you fooled me?

Frankly, I really don't care that much. Sometimes I won't want to express my reproductive fluids, but it doesn't seem like that big of a deal. There's always next time. And we got to spend naked or semi-naked fun time together, right?

My question of women is: What else don't you know about your men?


Bottoms Up, Fuckers!

POM Wonderful

Ryan from POM Wonderful recently sent me a free box of their juice to play with.  Like everything lately, I've been a bit behind in putting it to good use, but I have come up with some goodies!   While I'm not an avid juice drinker, the absence of added sugar and plentiful antioxidants makes POM one of my favorites.   When I got about to figure out what to do, I discovered that grenadine was originally made from pomegranate juice??  I had no idea :)  Sounds much better than that HFCS-laden syrup I recalled using way back in the day!!

Love the cute 8oz bottles!

Grenadine


1c POM juice
1/2c cane sugar
splash of orange blossom water (optional)

Heat the POM and sugar until dissolved (in the microwave or on the stove).  Remove from heat, add a splash of orange blossom water.  Once cooled, transfer to an airtight container and store in the fridge.

I saw quite a few variations on the recipe, including some that reduced the juice by half, but I thought that seemed more like making pomegranate molasses.  You could also add in a little vodka to help preserve the grenadine if you're not planning on using it right away.


I love the tart frozen yogurt places that have opened up in Boston, and have recently been getting the pomegranate flavor with semisweet chips and raspberries.  The first thing I wanted to do when I got the juice was to try and recreate this at home!  I'm sharing the recipe that I used with what was already in my fridge, but I would make some changes as it froze very hard (evidenced by the picture, I was unable to get a good-looking scoop).  I'm not a chemist, but I think it needed either a higher percentage of fat and/or a splash of liquor to help the consistency after being frozen for a day or two.

Tart POM Yogurt w/Chips
Recipe by Shannon


The sweetness of this frozen yogurt can be adjusted according to your tastes.  Mine wasn't too sweet, and just what I was after.  If you'd like less of a tang, add a bit more sugar!

2c POM juice
1/2c grenadine (see above)
2c greek yogurt (use 2% or higher, otherwise it will be too hard)
1T pomegranate liquor or vodka
1/2c semisweet mini chips

Whisk together juice, grenadine, yogurt and liquor until well combined.  I found that I didn't need to heat this at all, but my grenadine may have been warm enough to help it come together.  Refrigerate for an hour or more, to make sure the mixture is chilled.  Churn according to manufacturers directions, adding the chips towards the end of churning!


I went for my first bike ride outside with my second cousin last weekend, so I brought him and his wife some Dark Chocolate POM Brownies.  I just made them in a 9"pan instead of making individual brownie cups and frosting them.  May have kept 1 or 2 for myself...  they didn't all fit in the container ;) Can't say the pomegranate flavor was that prominent, but they were still yummy.

I also figured I could use some of the POM juice to bake something for work.  I decided on a POM Velvet Cake w/POM Cream Cheese Frosting.  Yeah...  cream cheese frosting is right up there with peanut butter frosting in that I should not have it in the house.  At least most of it ended up on the cake ;)  Again I couldn't quite pick out the pomegranate in the chocolate cake, but it probably did add a certain dimension to the flavor.  Pomegranate definitely came out in frosting, adding a subtle tart that helped keep the frosting from becoming too sweet.    Nobody complained :)

Need more ideas?  How about caramel sauce, jello or truffles??  There are quite a few savory options out there too (especially with pomegranate molasses)!  What's your favorite way to use pomegranate juice??

Thanks again Ryan and POM Wonderful!!

She's Into Superstition.

Me, I'm a Taurean.

That makes me:

Patient and reliable
Warmhearted and loving
Persistent and determined
Placid and security loving

On the dark side that makes me:

Jealous and possessive
Resentful and inflexible
Self-indulgent and greedy


Some kind of package, eh?

Astrology is a truly clever invention, because it preys upon our need to know. I want to know how the world views me; I want to know how I fit; it's fascinating to predict the future; it's comforting to know I'm better off with a Virgo than an Aquarian.

The fact that astrologists, palm-readers, psychics, seers, taroists and sundry other future-gazers can still make a living shows how desperately we are - we need to know anything about ourselves we don't already know. Fear of the unknown, especially the future, is a vestige of our less knowledgeable past.

But not knowing the future is a problem only if you think it is. Imagine if you had a printout of the course of your life from now until the hour of your death; would that make the days between now and then less stressful?

See, I think that remaining calm in the face of chaos and the randomness of the universe is the great adventure. If you accept the unknown, you don't resent what happens, and if you can stay flexible and philosophic, you don't mind what happens.

That's why I would think carefully about a girlfriend with a heavy astrology or tarot habit - it strikes me as slightly nutty. But that's because I'm a Taurus, and we can be judgmental.



Bottoms Up, Stargazers.




Mrs Ann's sandwich board from here [link]

Cupcakes

I went on a sixth date last night. I wasn't my sixth date, you understand, which sounds like eating a cupcake without the frosting, but a sixth date it was. In fact the daters were strangers to me, and I didn't even know we were all on the date together until after the first bottle of wine. Which is exactly how these things should go.

Date six is pretty close to the perfect time to introduce the rest of the world to a relationship. At that point there's enough understanding and empathy for the couple to weather the inevitable new stuff that crops up about each other. Questioners and cynics like me are the worst people to have around, because directness has unintended consequences.

Despite that, I'm wondering if it might be the smart way to go about easing a new relationship into the universe - first introduce it to strangers rather than friends or family. Strangers don't know exes, history or quirks, which leaves them only with observation and perspective. What better way to close a few small gaps between newbies than an evening chatting with a dispassionate but well-disposed unknown? Perhaps I can turn this into a business - a kind of third wheel dater to check if you're both ready for the big leagues of Thanksgiving or your mother's birthday party.

I am relieved to say that that the (very cool and entirely charming) couple looked quite on track for a seventh date when I excused myself. In fact, I'd say they looked like they'd both discovered a limitless supply of cupcakes with frosting in (on?) each other.



Bottoms Up, Cupcakes!


Cupcake with cupcakes from here [link]

Odds and Ends

This weekend I had a few things that needed to be used asap, and I was glad to get back in the kitchen!   Too much going on to come up with my own recipes, I turned to my recipe stash and came up with some good ones.

With the over ripe squished bananas I picked up on the cheap, I made Camilla's Banana Toasted Millet Muffins.  I used all white whole wheat flour, sucunat instead of brown sugar,  my yogurt was greek, and I threw in some dark chocolate covered cacao nibs that had been hiding in the back of my pantry!  Mmm, the little crunch from the millet and melty chocolate...  these were good.

Banana Toasted Millet Muffins

Now, what to do with the roasted buttercup squash that you forgot you had?   Well, I'm so glad it hadn't gone bad, because I got the chance to try one of Dawn's amazing creations.  Seriously, she comes up with some outrageous looking goodies and has me drooling on a regular basis!   I used the squash in her Sweet Potato Cheddar Cookies, and wow.  She hits all the right notes with these!   Serendipity, really, I also had some Dubliner that needed to get used :)  I actually wasn't sure I could taste the cheese when I sneaked a bit of the batter before baking, but it was definitely there after baking.   I left out the raisins (didn't have any) and my only other changes were to use Smart Balance 50/50 sticks and white whole wheat flour.

Squash Cheddar Cookies

One last thing, that I've been meaning to discuss!!  Remember when I introduced you to CSN stores?  They're actually a Boston-based online retailer for tons of (not just home) goods.  Not only can you browse cookware, but if you're in the mood to rearrange your living room, perhaps one of their corner tv stands will help maximize your space?  I'm going to be doing a product review for them in the upcoming weeks, but in the mean time-- check out one of their many stores for whatever you might need!

Another Notch on my Bedpost.

Another weekend passed without scoring, another play period without a notch carved on my bedpost. At the moment I'm suffering from sweeheart deficiency disorder, for which I shall soon be obtaining treatment. It's gotta a be a syndrome of some sort; a chronic problem like this must be treatable with a really expensive drug.

And by the way, why do we surreptitiously keep score? What difference does the total number of people with whom we have conducted coitus make? If my instinct is correct there's a curve out there that looks something like the trajectory of a low-orbit rocket launch - after a certain number of partners, it's all just floating about in space.

I would like to create a large-scale experiment. Men on the hunt for pussy would split into two groups. The first group would, during the chat-up phase, say they'd had sex with only two women ever in their lives. The other half would explicitly make mention that they'd had sex with twenty women. What's your bet as to the outcome?

And what's with all that notches on bedposts carpentry b.s. anyway? It's SO two centuries ago. Surely there's an iPhone app for that now. Sheesh. I wish these metaphors would automatically update.




Bottoms Up.


Stud from here [link]

Edited for split infinitives.

Fishing

What a beautiful creature, the common snook. They're feisty and fun to catch, not to mention tasty. Look at those markings and tell me that's not one hot fish.





Bottoms Up!

30,000 Feet in the Air and You're Really Hungry

I'm packed and ready to fly to Seattle this morning to attend Starbucks' Coffee College. I know, it's a little late to go back to school but you can never know too much about coffee, Seattle, or Starbucks.

Something about being on a plane makes me very hungry, so I always brown bag it. Today's breakfast meal is egg salad with bacon sandwiches. And a Fuji apple.

My first post on Zesterdaily is about food to bring with you when you fly. Please take a look and let me know what you'll be making for your next trip.

Friday Fluffer - Gubernatorial Fluffer

Testament to Kiss & Blog's growing reach is our latest sponsorship; the Governor of California.

Here is the Austrian Adonis talking about his time as a Fluffer [link]

Always on the lookout for a good fluffer story, the twenty bucks I sent to Sacramento for undisclosed 'concessions' looks like it bore fruit. The Golden State, is, after all, irretrievably fucked, and sponsorship by even minor entities like yours truly will please their creditors.

Funny to think my Jackson has already been snaffled up by CA's new owner - the Chicoms.




Bottoms Up, Golden Staters!

Newton Running Weeks 3+4

This is the third in a series of posts about my experience with Newton running shoes.  In case you're wondering what they're all about, check out my first post to learn a little bit about the shoes!  

Oops, didn't mean to leave you for so long!   I don't know why I have felt so behind lately, but I think I'm back ;)  A few things have been going on in the running front, so here's the last installment of my trial with Newton running shoes.   I didn't take as detailed notes the past few weeks, but hopefully you'll get the idea!

Week 3:  I went back to running w/o my orthotics as things felt better that way.  I tried out some intervals on the treadmill, as I didn't feel like doing them in the rain.   I could definitely tell I was landing on my mid-foot and tried to focus on form, but I can't wait to get outside as I appreciate their lightness :)  A minor hiccup came when I tried to add in my longest run to date in the shoes...  my 6 miles may have been a little ambitious, as I started to feel my calves get tight after 4.5 miles.  I kept running, as I still had to get back to work, but they have required more stretching and rolling out.

Week 4:  I took it a bit easier this past week but got in a few good runs, including a 5+ mile jaunt through Central Park.

A piece of the puzzle:  At the end of Week 3, I started going to PT for my hips.   Turns out that they're tight (both sides, opposite places) causing my alignment to be off.   I had hip dysplasia when I was still in a crib, so it's not all that surprising.  I've got a lot more stretching on my plate now (both before and after runs), along with a whole new set of exercises to strengthen my hips.  My PT also added in exercises to strengthen the muscles in my feet that support my arches, and recommended that I keep my runs in the Newtons to no more than 4-5miles.  He does support my use of the shoes, and will take a look at my running form in upcoming visits to ensure that things are in the right place ;)

So... where does that leave me?  Optimisitc.  I'm definitely keeping the shoes, and think my body will continue to adapt as I continue with PT and incorporate more speedwork and bricks to gear up for some summer races.   Hopefully they'll help me meet some of my goals this year!

Cold Hard Steel.

Gayle is my pet Cougar. She's fortyish, single, direct and horny, the four food groups that sustain Cougars. To round out her qualifications, she's into younger men for sex alone, the catnip no Cougar can resist. We're friends, but I have plans for her as an advisor.

I didn't know she was my pet Cougar until last Friday night. Over H-Hour drinks we had a frank and earnest discussion about the virtues and vices of men with pierced tongues. That is a subject about which I know nothing.

Naturally, when I think of cold hard steel I think of my penis. Well not my penis exactly, but a woman's tongue-stud providing extra stimulation for my penis during fellatio. Judging by the way Gayle's eyes rolled back in their sockets and her uncontrollable leg-shaking, a man using his own tongue-stud on a Cougar's cooter works as well for women as for men, orgasm/pleasure-wise. Or even pre-orgasm/pleasure-wise.

All that eye-fluttering and invoking the Lord was for demonstration purposes only. I certainly wasn't providing her with pleasure, what with my virgin tongue and the other drinkers and all. But the memory of her (much) younger lover using his accessorized tongue to good effect gave her performance depth. She really dug the steel-on-clit feeling. Like a ball-bearing in Spam, I guess.

Bottoms up, pierced ones!






Graph from here [link]

Ferrets

Individualism's great, but what you call individualism I reserve the right to call strangeness. Strangeness can be fun and interesting too, but I probably don't want to date you if you're strange tipping to weird. That's the way I roll.

Pets are one area in which I have little tolerance for the non-mainstream. A certain one-upmanship taints pet ownership, especially amongst those whose non-human companions extend beyond cats and dogs.

Take ferrets, for example. A mate of mine from years ago dated (for a short time) a very attractive chick who came equipped with a ferret. Mostly the rat wrapped itself around the back of her neck, with its hideous face poking out from under her hair above her left shoulder. She went everywhere with that beast, talking to it like it understood. It reminded me of a ventriloquist and her dummy, constantly blathering back and forth.

Snakes and other reptiles skip the strange category and move straight to weird. Dating a woman with a diamond python or two in her living room is beyond me. Ditto lizards, spiders, grasshoppers and Madagascar hissing cockroaches. [link]

Even mainstream pets tell us a lot about the owner. Single women with miniature dogs have them as baby replacements; men with miniature dogs are homosexual; anyone with a pit-bull is a retard. Which leaves only cat-owners as sane people. So that's who I'll date.

Have pussy? Call me.


Bottoms up!





Photo of Woman with Ferret from here [link]

Italian Sausages and Roasted Tomatoes

With summer still months away, the tomatoes at the Farmers' Market leave something to be desired. Still juicy and fragrant, they lack the exquisite flavor of tomatoes ripened by the full heat of the sun.

And yet....

Roasted, with a little olive oil, seasoned with sea salt and black pepper, spring tomatoes add depth to a braise or stew. Traditional Italian recipes pair sausages with peppers and onions. Substituting roasted tomatoes for the peppers softens and sweetens the flavors. Adding pasta makes a main dish that is filling, economical, and easy-to-make.

Roasted Tomatoes

Yield: 1 quart

Time: 60 minutes

Ingredients

3 pounds tomatoes, washed, stems removed

1/4 cup olive oil

Sea salt and black pepper

Method

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Place the tomatoes on a Silpat or aluminum foil covered baking sheet. Drizzle with olive oil. Season with sea salt and black pepper. Place in the oven

and roast for 60 minutes.

Use a rubber spatula to save the clear liquid, tomato essence that has accumulated on the baking sheet. Place the cooked tomatoes and the liquid into an airtight container. The tomatoes can be refrigerated for several days or frozen for months.

Italian Sausages and Roasted Tomatoes

Yield: 4 servings

Time: 30 minutes

Ingredients

4 Italian sausages, washed, pat dry

1 quart roasted tomatoes, skins removed, roughly chopped

4 garlic cloves, skins removed, finely chopped

1/2 cup Italian parsley, washed, leaves only, finely chopped

2 medium yellow onions, washed, skins, tops, and stems removed

1/2 pound mushrooms, brown or shiitake, washed, thin sliced

2 tablespoons olive oil

1/2 box pasta

2 tablespoons kosher salt

1 tablespoon unsalted butter

Sea salt and black pepper

Method

The sausages and pasta can be made ahead and reheated with the sauce or prepared simultaneously while you are sauteing the vegetables.

Brown the sausages either by grilling or roasting in a 400 degree oven. Remove and let cool so you can cut them into 1/2" thick rounds. Set aside.

Boil 4 quarts water with kosher salt. Add the pasta. Stir well to prevent sticking. Cook until al dente, about 10 minutes. Reserve 1 cup of pasta water. Drain the pasta and return to the cooking pot. Add 1 tablespoon olive oil and the unsalted butter. Stir well. Season with sea salt and black pepper. Lightly cover with a sheet of aluminum foil. Set aside.

Saute the garlic, parsley, onions, and mushrooms with olive oil until lightly browned. Add the sausages, roasted tomatoes, and tomato liquid. Simmer 15 minutes, reducing the sauce by half.

Add the cooked pasta and 1/2 cup of the pasta water. Stir well to coat. Simmer for a few minutes.

Serve with freshly grated Parmesan or Romano cheese.

Variations

To the sauteed vegetables, add 2 cups spinach leaves, washed, stems removed, roughly chopped

For heat, use hot Italian sausages

Holes in Socks

Manliness is many things. The many things include knowing how to repair a balky carburettor, the ability to distinguish cows from bulls, and panache when stringing a tennis racquet. Others don't necessarily see it this way, but eventually everyone comes to understand that the quality "Man" doesn't reside in your trousers.

Which is a nice segue into the problem with men and trousers, and our clothing items in general. We have favourites. Yes, I know it's progressive and compassionate not to discriminate, but the fact remains that all guys pick winners among their wardrobe.

I, for instance, own many shirts, but the one closest to my heart is a putty-coloured camp shirt. It just feels so right, and I know that I will wear it way beyond the point at which it should be a car-wash de-greasing rag. Way beyond.

This is a common thread thread in most men's lives. Once we find the perfect pair of jeans, we'll wear them until they're more hole than denim. Socks, the same. Underduds, the same. We simply cannot bring ourselves to toss out perfectly serviceable garments (oh, and shoes, too) in favour of new stuff.

We like our friends, and mistrust strangers. It's part of being a man.


Bottoms up, fashionistas.





Pic from here [link]

Friday Fluffer - Mae West

Sass and smarts never get old. Here are my favourite Mae West quotes:

Too many girls follow the line of least resistance--but a good line is hard to resist.


I see you're a man with ideals. I better be going before you've still got them.


When women go wrong, men go right after them.


An ounce of performance is worth pounds of promises.


I'll try anything once, twice if I like it, three times to make sure.





Bottoms Up!

Pic from here, but probably not originally [link]

Feeling Good, Louis.

In reverse order, these activities make me feel physically good.

6. Waking after a regenerative night's sleep.

5. Completion of a cardio and/or strength work-out.

4. A swim, or any kind of in-water activity.

3. Peak cocktail buzz at 1.2 martinis.

2. Class A Elimination ie: a great shit.

1. Orgasm, preferably with female accompaniment.


Other stuff can feel good, but tend to the more adrenaline-based end of the spectrum. Reaching the peak of a mountain or driving fast both fall into that category. YMMV, of course.

No surprise that reproduction makes us feel good. Nature's clever like that.

I had a point about this, but forgot what it was. If I think of it, I'll get back to you. What I am thinking is that I should have ranked the feeling of when one surreptitiously slides one's hand up a lady's skirt, to find that she's already sweetly slippery. That might be up there somewhere.

Nah, that's more of an anticipation thing, not in the same ballpark at all.

Bottoms up!





Pic of Milka Duno from here. [link]

My Penis is an Idiot

My penis is an idiot.

I can say this without fear of contradiction, because no-one will vouch for him in a moral or social sense, least of all me. Together, he and his two lurking buddies, The Testicles, took control of me at around age seventeen, and have yet to relinquish their power.

His epitaph will read:

Upright fellow, lacked judgment.

And that really tells you all you need to know. After all, every penis is a hydraulic accumulator, nothing more, nothing less. I guess he has an integrated fluid delivery system as well, but that only works when he's rigid. If the hydraulics fail, there's only one thing penises do.

Which makes me think about my penis as a kind of two-stunt circus animal. One trick is urination. Boring. The other trick is to grow exponentially in size and deliver one half of a baby. Put like that he sounds way more complex than I'd thought, but closer investigation reveals the truth. My baby half consists of wriggling love-tadpoles swimming around in their very own protein-matrix, all explosively delivered in a spurty bundle after four martinis, a fumble in the car and a few minutes of thrusting. Not exactly Harvard material now, is he?

Which is why I'm convinced he's just the pitch-man for The Testicles. Think of him as Ed McMahon to The Testicles' Johnny Carson. Dumb, one-note and easily duped, that's my penis.

So it's the Balls who hang around in the background manipulating their big fleshy friend. They're the ones who convince him to approach unobtainable women in the hope of hooking up, and they're the ones who laugh behind his back when he fails. It's in their interest to see him succeed, but he lacks the critical function of being able to say:

No, Balls, this is not the way into her pants. I need some time and a little subtlety, and it might happen, but for now, stop egging me on.

He can't think on his feet, so to speak, and finds it impossible to say no. He's a big ole lug, who likes to please his owner, his balls, and any passing woman.

He's an idiot.




Bottoms up!


Edited.

Rock Her World.

At first it's amusing, this habit of porn stars taking nominative determinative screen names. There's Anna Malle (RIP), Chesty Larou, Busty St Clair, and Shy Love, to name a few women. Nothing malign in that, of course, the history of false nommes is long and illustrious. George Eliot's successful books were written not by a man, but by Mary Ann Evans, who, amongst several other reasons, wanted to keep her affair with a married man secret.

Even bloggers sometimes choose to supplant their real-life tag with something more evocative. Ahem.

So it's not the fact of taking a fanciful name that plants the seed of doubt, it's the quality of the name. Really: John T. Bone?

This whole field speaks to how The Industry looks upon us, the end-users of porn, or 'mooks'. That's how they refer to you people who like a bit of video filth, by the way, which leaves even the cynics and manipulators from Hollywood looking like soon to be beatified saints - at least they call us 'the audience'.

The difference between The Valley and Hollywood is only a small range of hills and a slight shift of attitude. They're both after your wallet. One takes what they think is the high road, and the other one shows you the pussy. One makes you go to the movie theater, and the other has the decency to allow access from your computer. One says "...fuck you, this is the way you should think..." and the other one says...well, just choose your preferred hole.

Which brings us to Mr Seymore Butts. First negative: that name. Had he chosen 'Seymour', we might assume a modicum of cleverness. But he didn't. Which is the nub of porn's problem, that it's a caricature, a two-dimensional medium just close enough to possibly reflect real life, and yet it so obviously doesn't. He's a porn star of some standing apparently, boasting over six-hundred notches on his bedhead. That gives him more insight that the average mook, and he chose to let us all know how much insight in his recently published 'Rock Her World: The Sex Guide for the Modern Man.'

Mr Butts' book is a how-to for guys wishing to become as good a lover as its author. It's his way of giving back, I suppose, but giving back in the same way that the IRS gives back tax refunds; it's all your dough to begin with. Yes, he steps out in logical style running through the equipment and various techniques in the three sections of the book: About Him, About Her and About Sex. Diagrams and humorous quotes pop up at odd times (reflecting a porn shoot perhaps?) but the Kama Sutra this ain't.

His description of the Missionary position "Allows for total access to both her pussy and ass, plus it is perfect for eye contact!"

Or in About Her: "3. Knowledge of Your Anatomy. The more you know about your body and how it works the better!"

Frankly, I did not read every word in this opus. It's the same principle I use when playing Russian Roulette with a loaded revolver. Sometimes less is more. This is sexual information written by someone who has literally seen it all, but seen it all through the mindset of a thirteen-year old. And a myopic, anal-obsessed thirteen-year old at that.

Which is pretty much what porn is. It's Warner Brothers with an orgasm, Saturday morning cartoons on Viagra, or two-dimensional voyeurism watched on the basis that VH1 is only showing repeats today.

Seymore Butts? No thanks.



Rock Her World, The Sex Guide for the Modern Man, by Adam Glasser, AKA Seymore Butts. Published by Gotham Books, a Division of Penguin. ISBN 978-1-592-40447-6



This review is part of the Blogger Critics Network. (Note the name change from Blogger Review Network.) Next to review will be 30ty, of her Life Begins at 30ty blog.[link] Yes, I know this is a book designed for men, but you never know, she might pass it on to a male blogger after she's critiqued it for us.

Send me a good real-life mailing address, Doc30ty, and I'll send you this magnificent work.


Bottoms up! (Quietly.)


My pic.

Easter Breads

For Easter my mom requested some of the breads she had growing up...  babka, poppyseed bread and nut bread.  They all use the same sweet bread for the base, with raisins added to the babka and the poppyseed and nut breads being rolled out and filled before baking.  They all came out pretty good, although I should've made them into smaller loaves (they were pretty massive!

Babka

You can find my recipe for Babka here, adapted from several of my great grandmothers recipes.  This year I used poppyseed filling from a can, but you can be sure that I'll try to make my own next year!

Nut Bread & Poppyseed Bread

Nut Bread Filling (for 1 loaf, or half of babka recipe w/o raisins):


1/4lb ground walnuts
1/4c brown sugar
hefty sprinkle cinnamon (to taste)
1 egg white, whisked
1t butter

Mix well with a fork.  If you need a little more liquid, use up to 1T warm milk.  Spread out evenly over dough, then roll up!  Secure ends under the loaf of the bread, allow it to rise for a second time (2hrs) and then brush with egg wash and bake for ~35min, until it sounds hollow when tapped.   Yum!

Hope everyone is enjoying their weekend!

Sexy Nightware

There is a way to make a night-time dental guard sexy, but I don't know what that is.

After a hellacious three weeks dealing with a cracked tooth, the diagnosis is: bruxism.[link] Yes, now we all know that I clench and grind. At night. In bed.

The answer to starving my dentist of future boat payments is, you guessed it, the dental night-guard. Although hardly the equivalent of dentures sitting on the nightstand, there's something Über-Utilitarian about my new toy - something anti-sexy.

Then again, I'm looking at it from my point of view. I find all kinds of minor things hot on women. Braces on teeth; spectacles; spectacles being pushed up the nose*; lisps; almost any other speech imperfection; and lots of other stuff.

That's all about nuance, I think. Nuance gives character, separates us from the next person, stops the boredom of perfection and gives us a hand-hold on who you are. Perhaps it's the way our brains work, to look for the off-centre detail. At least that's how my brain works.

Now, if anyone can suggest ways of making my new night-guard into a chick-magnet, please let me know.


Bottoms up!




Pic from here.[link]

* Hat-tip to Miss Jones. [link]

A Bird in the Hand is Worth More Than Two in the Bush.

Unless you are Mr Pitt or Mr Clooney, a single man would do well to not approach two women together in a bar. The chances of a lone male detaching one from the other are slim at best, verging on impossible at worst.

If you like a challenge, just try. Proceed into a bar on your own, purchase a cocktail, and walk up to to a birdie pair. You will not separate them, no matter how good your script.

Men rarely share this kind of folk-lore. That's because we see all other men as enemies in the game of finding willing women, an insane way to behave.

There's a great deal of fun to be had trying, though. If you're in a group, or just up for the rhetorical sport, give it a go one day. Women stick together like God's adhesive if they're in even numbers. An odd-numbered group gives the man way better odds until the number of females is greater than five, when it's cash bar time.

My friend Sam (who happens to be a woman, so her real name is Samantha) was intrigued by all this at happy hour this evening.

But Wombat, she said, tilting her head suggestively to two ladies along the bar, Don't you like the blonde with the pink pig-tail?

Sam. No. I'm a brunette aficionado, and in any case it's a pair of women. I'm not stupid.

Sam and I need to talk more.

Bottoms up!




Picture is from somewhere, but I am too mesmerized by her bust to worry about linking.

Edited for all kinds of horrid abominations of HRH English.

Newton Running Week 2

This is the second in a series of posts about my experience with Newton running shoes.  In case you're wondering what they're all about, check out my first post to learn a little bit about the shoes!  

To recap the first week of running in the shoes, I took things pretty slow and experienced some (expected) tightness in my calves.  After a back-to-back run with the Newtons and my Asics, I was cautiously optimistic about the Newtons--  they seemed to make running easier, both in form and in my joints.  This week I tried out my orthotics in the Newtons for comparison!

Tuesday (no run)

Wednesday (Run 5):  3mi

     I ran to/from a yoga class in the rain, so I wasn't so much thinking about my feet/legs ;)  I did try to check out my form in a few of the buildings I ran by, but it was a little hard to do!

Thursday (Run 6):  ~1mi w/orthotics

     I went to an intense spin class and didn't have any tightness in my calves!!  To celebrate, I snuck in a little run to do an errand ;)  Since I wasn't about to put on my old shoes after Sunday's run, I tried out my orthotics in the Newtons (removing the insoles and replacing with my orthotics).  Certainly not as light as w/o them, but they felt ok during this short run.

Friday (Run 7):  4.15mi (w/o orthotics)

     After a rather sleepless night, I felt a bit sluggish but legs felt relatively good.

Saturday (no run)

Sunday (Run 8):  5mi w/orthotics

     While I wanted to get a long-ish run in to keep up my mileage, I didn't want to push too much (2 runs over 4mi in 3 days) so I threw my orthotics in the Newtons and took off.  No tightness and legs felt pretty good.
     After this run with my orthotics, I can say that I think I like running in the Newtons better w/o them.   I think my feet don't have to work as hard when I wear them (more support/cushioning), and something about my alignment seems a bit off.




There's a few things I haven't mentioned...  when I run in the Newtons, the comfortable pace I fall into is roughly 30sec faster than it used to be.  I tried to keep my mileage the same and haven't done speedwork since my recent 5k, so I think it's more a consequence of quicker cadence/improved form.  I actually have found that my legs want to go faster than my breathing can take me, so hopefully getting back into some speedwork will help!   

The other (accidental) issue is that I haven't been doing my PT exercises for my knees.  I really didn't mean for this to happen, but a busy schedule got the best of me.  What I was surprised about is that I didn't have any problems with my knees.  Sunday was a minor "setback"...  more of a reality check, when I spent most of the day on my feet, barefoot (after a 5mi run).   My knees didn't appreciate that, and I'm paying for it now.  I'm planning on getting right back into it, so hopefully my last two weeks won't be tainted!

Spring has sprung!

Friday Fluffer - Stick it in Already

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Eating with the Seasons in Italy

I met Ashley and Jason Bartner on line. We connected through our love of cooking, good food, and travel. I read about their new life in Italy and I am very jealous. Not that I want to trade places--I love our life in Pacific Palisades--but I would definitely enjoy a long weekend or even a month staying at their farm house in Piobbico in the Marche region, just below Emilia-Romagna and east of Umbria on the Adriatic Sea.

They were generous enough to send me a description of their life and a few recipes which I can't wait to try. fyi: A "glug" is roughly 1 tablespoon.

After years of travel and eating our way through every city, state and country we visited, we decided to share our love for food with others in an unique way in the Marches, Italy and opened La Tavola Marche Agriturismo & Cooking School. We took a leap of faith and traded in the hustle bustle of life in NYC to slow down in every aspect of our lives & started growing our own food in the Italian countryside!

Jason is a professional Executive Chef & I am a customer service/hostess extraordinaire and currently write a monthly column for Italia! Magazine. During our travels to Italy, we felt at home & really enjoyed the diversity of recipes in each region combined with the atmosphere of staying on a working farm or agriturismo - plus the Italians & their passion for life & good food!!

We love connecting our guests to the people, land & culture of this little known-region through the food! That is exactly why we decided to work for ourselves & open an inn, farm & cooking school in Italy! We were ready for a change...Why not?! We thought we were just crazy enough to pull it off! It took us a year & a half from our first trip to Italy to living here! And we've never looked back ~

Slow Food & slow living is huge for us! Here we live it everyday- we have slowed down in all aspects of our food & life here in Italy! For us, Slow Food philosophy translates to celebrating traditional Italian country living by eating locally & seasonally and becoming s self-sufficient as possible. This is a complete shift in our 'previous life' in the States.

We are so lucky that our neighbors & friends have taught us the ropes: from age-old family recipes to plucking chickens! It's all new to us and if we can do it - so can you! In the winter Jason makes sausages & salami by hand & hangs them to dry in the rafters of the house and in the summer months, since I can't cook, I contribute by creating home made liquors! It is such a kick to create these homemade treats!We jar, jam & preserve fruits & veggies in the summer extending their season -we even make our own homemade liquors! The most full-filling aspect is that we grow our own fruits & vegetables - from apple, cherry & plum trees surrounding the house to our enormous farm garden with over 600 onions, 400 tomato plants, loads of lettuces, spinach, garlic, cucumber, pepper, eggplant, melons, zucchini, pumpkins, radishes & more!!

Wild game, mushrooms & truffles as well as strawberries, blackberries, asparagus, wild dandelion greens & much more are collected from the woods behind our house! We are really excited because this spring we are adding CHICKENS! And this coming from two city kids! Our neighbors are in awe by "young Americans" with the most beautiful garden! Locals stop by to eye the goods & leave with an armful of gifts from the garden!!

The most incredible part for us is being accepted into the small farming community of Piobbicowhere we live, making a world of difference in our their experiences. As always in Italy, the conversations turn to food as neighbors pop in to say hello & see what's cooking! At first the thought of an American Chef cooking traditional local dishes did not blow over well - they figured all he could do was hamburgers & hot dogs! But that has all changed!

Now Jason is thought of as kin in the kitchen - grandma's are always sharing their secret recipes and he is trusted with cooking for big holidays & family events - for Italians! As testament - opening day of hunting season was celebrated at our farmhouse with a feast of wild game with a huge group of hungry local hunters!

We just love sharing this experience/connection to food with our guests - we specialize in Cucina povera (peasant cooking) with farm to the table cooking classes. Each cooking class starts with a walk through the garden to collect the night’s dinner.

Jason is so very proud of what he has created & loves sharing that with our guests - and it seems to be contagious! Many guests return home with a longing to eat locally, start a garden, join a CSA & all around become more connected with the food they are eating & understanding where it comes from!

Here you will eat what your fed, there is no menu options & the guests love it! This gives us the freedom to work with what is at the height of the season & best looking at the market each day. Guests are surprised by every dish, with whispers of 'what's to come next...' Jason enjoys the time he spends at each table explaining the dish, it's history & ingredients or where the meat is from. It helps connect them to the food they are about to eat.

"We hope our guests take home a taste of la dolce vita, the simplicity of good cooking, great stories to share, and an appetite to return."

RECIPES FROM OUR FARMHOUSE

I wanted to share 2 recipes that are easy to recreate, tasty and represent our area in the winter.

CHICKEN LIVER CROSTINI

Yield 6 servings

Time 10 minutes

Ingredients

2 tablespoons olive oil
1 carrot, chopped
1/2 onion, chopped
1 celery stalk, chopped
6 chicken livers, trimmed
3 tablespoons red wine vinegar
Scant 1/2 cup dry white wine
2 egg yolks
Juice of 1 lemon, strained
4-6 whole-wheat bread slices, lightly toasted
Sea salt & pepper

Method

Heat the olive oil in a skillet. Add the carrot, onion and celery and cook over low heat, stirring occasionally, for 5 minutes. Dip the chicken livers into the vinegar, pat dry with paper towels and add to skilled. Pour in the wine and season with salt & pepper.

Cook, stirring frequently, until browned. Remove the chicken livers from the skillet and chop finely, then return them to the skillet and cook for 2 minutes more. Beat together the egg yolks and lemon juice in a bowl. Remove the skillet from the heat and stir in the egg yolk mixture.

Spread on slices of lightly toasted bread. Serve immediately.

OSSO BUCO

Yield 4 servings

Time 2 hours

Ingredients

4 pieces of osso buco--veal shank
A nice size carrot, chopped finely
A nice onion, chopped finely
A couple cloves of garlic, smashed & remove the skin
1 bay leaf

Any aromatics you like - rosemary, we used juniper berries because we have them in the woods
A little flour for dusting
Sea salt & pepper
A good handful, about 5 oz, of canned tomatoes, skins removed or fresh tomatoes with skins & seeds removed
Olive oil
Butter
White wine, a couple of glugs
Half a cup of water or stock

Method

Salt & pepper the osso buco & then dredge in the flour. In a good size casserole or roasting pan, on med-high heat, add a glug or 2 of olive oil & a pad of butter.

Sauté the osso buco for 2 minutes on each side.

Then add the vegetables & continue cooking the osso buco, turning frequently until it is nice & colored.

Add the white wine cook until the wine is reduced by 2/3. Add the tomatoes, aromatics, crack of pepper & salt, water or stock & bring up to a simmer.

Remove from stove & place in a 350 degree oven, uncovered for about an hour & half or until the centers of the bone have melted away & the meat is falling away from the bone.

If you need to add a little more water or stock towards the end, do so.

Serve over polenta, potatoes or rice to soak up the juices.

Follow Jason & Ashley on Twitter
La Tavola Marche Recipes & More on the Blog
Book your holiday at La Tavola Marche Farmhouse, Inn & Cooking School

Post Pussy

This is destined to become a backwater of the internet, but just between you and me, will you ladies answer this question?

After a man has spent himself licking and sucking and lapping your gooey regions, do you want him to kiss you?

Yes, I want every woman who reads this to answer. Please.

Let's be clear: his chin is dripping with your juice, and his tongue red-raw from pleasuring your kitty/taint/arse.

Should he rise up from between your loins and look approvingly for a smooch?

Bottoms up!



Photo from here, although I doubt they're smart enough to realize the audience we provide them. [link]

Edited for overuse of 'lapping' and other sundry failings.

Spring Flavors

I hope everyone had a nice Easter weekend!   I got to spend a relaxing weekend at home by this beauty...

The fishies were eager to say hi!  Or was that I'm hungry after hibernating all winter?  I'm not sure ;)

I wanted to share with you the dessert I made for Easter--  a Meyer Lemon Lavender Bundt Cake.   I followed Hannah's recipe for the cake, adding in 1T crushed lavender pedals (you could probably use up to 2T, but I ran out).   I made a quick glaze of sifted powdered sugar and more meyer lemon juice/zest (3.5T for 2c sugar).   While the glaze came out a little runnier than I had wanted, it was absolutely delicious.   Everyone seemed to enjoy it, and I couldn't help but go back for a second piece!

Meyer Lemon Lavender Bundt Cake

This was the first time several of the people at our table had tried meyer lemons, but they enjoyed the slightly more complex and less tart flavor.   Have you tried them?   What is your favorite thing to do with them?

ps-  Check out Heather's giveaway for So Delicious!!

Salt, Sweet, Sour, Bitter and Umami.

There used to be only four basic taste descriptors, (salt, sweet, sour and bitter) but they (the smarties who study these things) discovered an extra one in 2002. I have called it umami, its Japanese name, but it's also known as savouriness.

It's quite something to think that everything we eat and drink can be completely described via a combination of these five categories. Smell plays a big part in the way food feels and tastes, as well as the texture. There's a lot going on there.

What's true of food is true of eating pussy too. Lots of weak jokes surround the taste of ladies' vaginas, but I don't swim with that school. Yes, there can be a fishy undertone to some lady juice, but by no means all holes taste the same. (By "all holes" I don't mean all holes in the one lady; I'm talking about the poon-hole in different ladies. Just wanted to make that clear, although other lady holes are fun too, and some even have teeth.)

The perfect pussy "...tastes like hot-sweet-sticky-kinda-salty candy." Who wouldn't like a second helping of that? I'd like it for all seven courses, thank-you waiter. The quote comes from this Salon.com article, an excellent read. I don't need to rehash it here. One truth I hadn't connected before is that hairy love trench is a fundamentally different experience than deforested trim. That's mostly because of the residual smells hiding in the pubes.

See, tasting and smelling are closely related in sex too.

All the evidence points to everything you ingest, inject or stick up your vagina changing its taste. Pretty obvious, that, and the same phenomenon as the sperm/semen combination tasting different depending upon what the owner eats. The big difference is in the contraception arts, which can make your va-jay-jay taste like hand sanitizer if you're not careful.

Frankly, I have yet to meet a muff I haven't liked. Some research in this area would be a fine thing, because of pet theory of mine: I believe that snatch tastes different depending on the position of the female, and wonder if there's any science to the postulation.

Bottoms up.





Tongue pic from here [link]

Edited out of respect for English.

For the female perspective on dining at the Y (girl on girl) try this [link]

Change Gears

Repulsion and attraction rest upon the smallest particles. Loving a woman can be about the way she tilts their head. Loathing a woman can be about the way she closes a door. It's ridiculous when placed on a plinth like that, but all my observations and experience tell me it's true.

A lot of the stuff that we might label 'small' is right on the edge of consciousness, too, in my opinion. I don't know exactly what it is I like about her...I just know. Detachment and self-examination are needed to figure out what our brain is filtering out, and what it's including. The answer is there, but we need to point the flashlight at the edges of how we think, towards the less obvious nooks and crannies of our personality.

This is the reason I dislike the standard online dating architecture. The profiles are all about big-picture things, painted with a large brush. Unfortunately, the paint is water-based, and washes away with the first exposure to rain. Yes, I like sailing and martinis, just like you, but where's the hook in that? I have just described about a billion people. Small is special and big is...well, it's just big.

The real point I want to make about this is that because my attraction for you is about the small stuff, you are entirely unlikely to know ahead of time what those small stuffs are. That's why it is such a waste of time to spend time thinking about your shortcomings - as, remember, you see them, not anyone else - to the detriment of being the best you can.

I have discovered this, thousands of years late, but it's worth repeating: change what you want to and accept the rest. Oh, and don't worry about what other people find attractive or repulsive. You have no control over that.

Martini, anyone?

Bottoms Up.




Woman contemplating from this man [link]