I Smell Sex and Candy

Anna Holtblad pic credit.

 I imagine that, if pressed to quickly - hurry, hurry! - come up with the name of a sexual position, most people would say "missionary". Okay, men might say "doggy". But both answers are a travesty, because female superior loses out to missionary and rear entry for no good reason.

"Female superior" lacks the snappy nomenclature of the other two, granted. But as an all-around winner, FS takes the Gold Orgasm every time. Thanks to the Dummies Guide people, you can compare missionary v fem sup here. Link.
 
(Who'd have thought: a Dummies Guide to Fucking?)

However. I have been told by women that female superior makes them feel vulnerable. Vulnerable? Well, sure. I have access to your lips, your breasts, your clitoris, and all the other wonderousness on your front side, which goes a long way to explaining why I like it so much.

Isn't vulnerability (read: unfettered access) the whole point? We're naked and my penis is inside your vagina. So I'd say we're both pretty vulnerable, especially to having a really good time.






Bottoms Up, Or Fronts Up, Whichever.

Mama's Got a Squeezebox

Hope Solo pic credit.

My best information is that women are split between vaginal orgasmobabes and clitoral orgasmobabes. Unevenly split, as it turns out, for a pretty obvious reason: the vagina is not a pleasure centre, whereas the clitoris is.

A brief cruise around my trusted sources (my hairstylist, the supermarket checkout lady this morning) tells us that roughly two-thirds of women need some kind of clitoral love to orgasm. Vaginal orgasm alone is a less visited corner of the sex cave, which is not to say we can't light a candle and go find some. It seems that it's a bit of a squeeze and not so much upside to the journey.

There is, naturally enough, a wrinkle, and it is the G-spot. That's an upside wrinkle by the way. Given the right stimulation, the mighty Grafenburg is the key to vaginal Oh! But given its usual position, can be difficult-ish to engage. (With the penis, that is. Hand-jobs are a different tub of gelato.)

Vaginal elasticity being what it is, there are lots of fun ways to find lady-pleasure. I'm writing here more to blokes than the sheilas - one would hope that chicks already know how to get themselves off. Because I'm entirely representative of most men, I can tell you that we love the challenge of helping you find that beautiful butt-quivering, leg shaking, hip thrusting, pussy-pouting, full-throttle climax. They're awesome! Perhaps we like finding them inside you because ours are so relatively easy to come by.

In any case, guys, be aware that until you find otherwise, the little man in the boat is key to the nuclear reactor...but beyond that, mixing a little G-spot exploration with appropriate partner positioning (downward dog, anyone?) can make her day. And, as you and I know, ours, too.





Bottoms Up, G-Spotters.

A G-Post from long ago. Still good, unless female anatomy has changed.

Friday Fluffer - New Use for Nylons

As if the idea of stockings isn't sexy enough, there's this:

Tie two or three knots in a nylon stocking, and gently wrap it (don’t tie it) around the base of his penis so it’s snug but still has some give. The compression makes him even more sensitive, and the knots stimulate your clitoris as you move in girl-on-top.

Anyone tried it?

From the wonderful folks at Cosmopolitan.


Bottoms Up, Adventurers!


Pic from here [link]

20,000 Pubes Under the Tongue

My guess is that it's your experience too, that pubic hair isn't as well anchored to the pudendum as it ought. But what a jolly bonding thing it is to stop and amusingly highlight that you are removing a pube from between your teeth lest more than one collect and create a ball. Hilarious.

Which reminds me that this situation is called having sex, whereas one hair in your eggdrop soup calls for a lawsuit. What a funny olde world we live in. Thank you tort lawyers.

But back to the man in the boat. It's my phrase du jour, this happy nautical metaphor for the clitoris hiding in the decking. Sneaky individual that man in the boat, for sometimes he's under a sou'wester, and other times he's out on the poop deck just gagging for some company. And just why is he a man? Shirley an all girl crew is more appropriate?

Being criticised for lack of ability to find the clit is often man's lot. If Nintendo got their act together, they could do fantastically. Imagine this: A Wii game in which the object is to find and stimulate a digital clitoris until the boat is awash in wet'n'gooey. If Wii controllers accepted input from tongue, lips, fingers and teeth, we'd have ourselves a decent cunt simulator.



Bottoms Up, Gamers!



Pic from this excellent site [link]

Cold Hard Steel.

Gayle is my pet Cougar. She's fortyish, single, direct and horny, the four food groups that sustain Cougars. To round out her qualifications, she's into younger men for sex alone, the catnip no Cougar can resist. We're friends, but I have plans for her as an advisor.

I didn't know she was my pet Cougar until last Friday night. Over H-Hour drinks we had a frank and earnest discussion about the virtues and vices of men with pierced tongues. That is a subject about which I know nothing.

Naturally, when I think of cold hard steel I think of my penis. Well not my penis exactly, but a woman's tongue-stud providing extra stimulation for my penis during fellatio. Judging by the way Gayle's eyes rolled back in their sockets and her uncontrollable leg-shaking, a man using his own tongue-stud on a Cougar's cooter works as well for women as for men, orgasm/pleasure-wise. Or even pre-orgasm/pleasure-wise.

All that eye-fluttering and invoking the Lord was for demonstration purposes only. I certainly wasn't providing her with pleasure, what with my virgin tongue and the other drinkers and all. But the memory of her (much) younger lover using his accessorized tongue to good effect gave her performance depth. She really dug the steel-on-clit feeling. Like a ball-bearing in Spam, I guess.

Bottoms up, pierced ones!






Graph from here [link]

Friday Fluffer - Stick it in Already

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Salt, Sweet, Sour, Bitter and Umami.

There used to be only four basic taste descriptors, (salt, sweet, sour and bitter) but they (the smarties who study these things) discovered an extra one in 2002. I have called it umami, its Japanese name, but it's also known as savouriness.

It's quite something to think that everything we eat and drink can be completely described via a combination of these five categories. Smell plays a big part in the way food feels and tastes, as well as the texture. There's a lot going on there.

What's true of food is true of eating pussy too. Lots of weak jokes surround the taste of ladies' vaginas, but I don't swim with that school. Yes, there can be a fishy undertone to some lady juice, but by no means all holes taste the same. (By "all holes" I don't mean all holes in the one lady; I'm talking about the poon-hole in different ladies. Just wanted to make that clear, although other lady holes are fun too, and some even have teeth.)

The perfect pussy "...tastes like hot-sweet-sticky-kinda-salty candy." Who wouldn't like a second helping of that? I'd like it for all seven courses, thank-you waiter. The quote comes from this Salon.com article, an excellent read. I don't need to rehash it here. One truth I hadn't connected before is that hairy love trench is a fundamentally different experience than deforested trim. That's mostly because of the residual smells hiding in the pubes.

See, tasting and smelling are closely related in sex too.

All the evidence points to everything you ingest, inject or stick up your vagina changing its taste. Pretty obvious, that, and the same phenomenon as the sperm/semen combination tasting different depending upon what the owner eats. The big difference is in the contraception arts, which can make your va-jay-jay taste like hand sanitizer if you're not careful.

Frankly, I have yet to meet a muff I haven't liked. Some research in this area would be a fine thing, because of pet theory of mine: I believe that snatch tastes different depending on the position of the female, and wonder if there's any science to the postulation.

Bottoms up.





Tongue pic from here [link]

Edited out of respect for English.

For the female perspective on dining at the Y (girl on girl) try this [link]

Friday Fluffer - Cooter Ice

BlueBabe's writing inspires me in many ways. Her post today [link] is about...well, let's just say that the guy she thought was a Pussy Aficionado turned out not to be.

I think her blog is restricted, but leave her a note here in comments, and she'll likely as not let you in the door of her amazing world.

In recognition of the fact that we can all learn more about some things, here's a link to the Cunnilingus Tutor's Top 50 ways to keep a lady happy.

CT's Top Fifty. [link]

As they say at the finest restaurants and the lowest diners: Enjoy!




Edit: BlueBabe requests you email her for access to her blog. It's totally worth it.

bluelovergirl1@aol.com

Happy pic from here [link]

Female Orgasm

A rabbi, a priest and an imam walk into a bar.

The bartender says "Do you guys know the one about the female orgasm?" to which the rabbi replies "Do you mean the oral orgasm, the vaginal intercourse orgasm, the digital orgasm or the anal penetrative orgasm?"


Apparently even religious men are aware that The Big O is something that women achieve in different ways. It's kinda disappointing when squares are hip to the squishy stuff: what can we shock them with next? Perhaps there is nothing, so it might be time to examine what we have in more detail.

For instance, more than 40% of women do not climax from vaginal intercourse. One imagines this is a source of trepidation for some men, specifically those for whom the clitoris is an unknown entity. Fear not, chums, talk to your friendly clitoris owner and ask what she likes. Then practice. You'll be suprised what happiness you can bring.

One problem with the female orgasm I have experienced is having women describe it to me. Observing is one thing, but communicating what's happening inside your head clearly isn't easy.

I thought of flippantly suggesting that women could tell her man the type of automobile that most closely represented her orgasm. This might work because cars are something we guys understand, with great nuance even.

But then I realized that telling a man he'd just given you an '87 Nissan Sentra might not be the best idea - even if you think a high-revving, clutch-slipping, noisy, jack-rabbitting, multi-geared, spring-popping, wave-riding, skidding to a stop orgasm/Nissan is the best thing EVER.





Technorati: Kiss & Blog, Female Orgasm, The Big O, Clitoris.