Dry As a Nun's Nasty

Lady Lubrication should come naturally unless you're putting shit in places designed for expelling shit. Then you'll definitely need lubrication unless you're in Vegas where such acts are an amuse bouche to the main show which (if the relativity of these things holds) means the sex will have roughly the same quality of production as Cirque du Soleil.

Which those in the know know as the Circus of The Camel Toe.

Political Correctness prevents me from drawing attention to the fact that if you find yourself in the presence of a non-lubricating vag, you're probably in the presence of another dude, dude. Please be informed, LesbianGayTransoceanBifurcatedQueen Lobby, that this is not a drill, it's for real. A drill would probably be less painful, and wholly less embarrassing.

However, if surgically created vaginas or slippery blowjobs or squeaky camel toes are your thing, I see some lube in your future - probably bought in a 7-Eleven along with a 24-pack of Natty Light.

In a hopeless act of optimism, the well-oiled folks at K-Y { K-Y® Brand } sent me some of their new edible lube to test. All I can say is that it tastes fine on ice-cream. If you want to know how to use it for the job for which it was designed, read Snaf's thoughts about, apparently, a non-surgically created penis.

Link to the Snafugirl's sexy adventures with edible lube. [link]


Bottoms Up, Dessicants!


Pic by me.

DISCLAIMER: This posting comments on product sent to me on behalf of K-Y® Brand to facilitate my review.

Friday Fluffer - Instruments of Pleasure

The fight to the bottom afflicts businesses everywhere.

Walmart fights suppliers for a one cent advantage.

Airlines fight customers by charging for everything more than the seat.

Fast food joints sell us ever more food and ever less nutrition.

There is one business that aims for quality and satisfaction by selling us the best - at least in the line it calls 'Instruments of Pleasure'.

It is with great pleasure that I give you Kiki de Montparnasse.

Beautiful things for beautiful times. Quality. Probably NSFW, but only mildly. [link]





Bottoms Up, Pleasure Seekers!


Pic from here [link]

Feeling Good, Louis.

In reverse order, these activities make me feel physically good.

6. Waking after a regenerative night's sleep.

5. Completion of a cardio and/or strength work-out.

4. A swim, or any kind of in-water activity.

3. Peak cocktail buzz at 1.2 martinis.

2. Class A Elimination ie: a great shit.

1. Orgasm, preferably with female accompaniment.


Other stuff can feel good, but tend to the more adrenaline-based end of the spectrum. Reaching the peak of a mountain or driving fast both fall into that category. YMMV, of course.

No surprise that reproduction makes us feel good. Nature's clever like that.

I had a point about this, but forgot what it was. If I think of it, I'll get back to you. What I am thinking is that I should have ranked the feeling of when one surreptitiously slides one's hand up a lady's skirt, to find that she's already sweetly slippery. That might be up there somewhere.

Nah, that's more of an anticipation thing, not in the same ballpark at all.

Bottoms up!





Pic of Milka Duno from here. [link]

Foreplay by Numbers

Golf embraces the concept of foreplay too, and in the same way as sex.

Shouting FORE! = Lookout, incoming!

Golf too has rules regarding that which is allowable and that which is not, just like real foreplay. A mate of mine relates the tale of being in Greece as a youth on a drunken teenage vacation. (He's English.) Standing at a bus stop with a Scottish girl he met earlier in the evening, they got frisky. When he reached up her skirt, she put a temporary end to proceedings by declaiming "Tits first, then box" in her delightful broad brogue.

The road to paradise is strewn with dead ends and blind turns. Until you have a working knowledge of the road, it's best to stick with a few basic rules that you both understand.

1. Some form of lubricant is a good idea. Social lubricant, that is. Alcohol is the standard way of reducing inhibitions.

2. Circle your object of desire in the same way that lions stalk prey. Purr, tread softly, use your tongue, be patient.

3. Encountering resistance is normal, and shouldn't dissuade you from continuing. Divert your attention elsewhere for a while, return to the scene of disappointment. Watch the gate open.

4. Feigning and misdirection are normal elements of foreplay.

5. Remember, it's only sex. It's not like negotiating strategic arms limitation treaties. Humour helps a lot. There's a reason it's called fooling around and not seriousing around.

Foreplay Part 1.

Foreplay Part 2.

Foreplay Part 3.