Better Be Good To Me

How about that human genome, eh? What a t'riffic little jobby that bad boy is, explaining everything from hammer toes to serial killer tendencies, plus the really important stuff like male pattern baldness.

My genetic predisposition is like a bad Vuitton knock-off - somewhere in the past lies a quality original. Unfortunately, for successive generations the leather provenance has been on a downward slide, and the stitching...well, let's just say you wouldn't fool anyone at your local pub.

But there is hope. The flip side of the genetic blackjack game is the environmental input we all receive. I like to think of this as the role model side of life, because that's how junior learns how to behave. Parents form the front line, with (in my day, anyway) television as a backstop. You'd be surprised at the extent of Gilligan's Island's influence in my own life. (I'm Team Mary Ann BTW. Ginger was way too high maintenance. Who takes ball gowns to a tropical island?)

If I had to plant a flag in this argument, I'd say that environment - the influence of role models - is more important than genetics. Young'uns start learning and mimicking right from day one. Seems to me that there's almost zero inherited ability in the higher social skills area; finding a decent mate, for instance. Discerning what kind of behaviour divides the good people from the bad, for another, is all observed knowledge.

I'm pretty sure this is why we all have to learn the mating lessons from scratch every time. Our biology is amazing, but not coded for understanding the difference between a Coach bag and a grocery bag.




Bottoms Up, Quality Mavens.

She's Into Superstition.

Me, I'm a Taurean.

That makes me:

Patient and reliable
Warmhearted and loving
Persistent and determined
Placid and security loving

On the dark side that makes me:

Jealous and possessive
Resentful and inflexible
Self-indulgent and greedy


Some kind of package, eh?

Astrology is a truly clever invention, because it preys upon our need to know. I want to know how the world views me; I want to know how I fit; it's fascinating to predict the future; it's comforting to know I'm better off with a Virgo than an Aquarian.

The fact that astrologists, palm-readers, psychics, seers, taroists and sundry other future-gazers can still make a living shows how desperately we are - we need to know anything about ourselves we don't already know. Fear of the unknown, especially the future, is a vestige of our less knowledgeable past.

But not knowing the future is a problem only if you think it is. Imagine if you had a printout of the course of your life from now until the hour of your death; would that make the days between now and then less stressful?

See, I think that remaining calm in the face of chaos and the randomness of the universe is the great adventure. If you accept the unknown, you don't resent what happens, and if you can stay flexible and philosophic, you don't mind what happens.

That's why I would think carefully about a girlfriend with a heavy astrology or tarot habit - it strikes me as slightly nutty. But that's because I'm a Taurus, and we can be judgmental.



Bottoms Up, Stargazers.




Mrs Ann's sandwich board from here [link]

Is she my soulmate?

Do soulmates exist? Maybe, but I am not a buyer. I think what happens when we meet our 'soulmate' is that we click on more than the usual number of levels.

We can all list the physical and abstract qualities to which we are attracted, or from which we run. Meet a person for the first time, and we instantly size up their look, body, eyes, hair, teeth, posture, gait, dress, mannerisms, speech and a million other details that tell us who they are.

Beneath the surface our devious little genes are sizing that person up too, via smell, taste, size, savings account, and so on, in ways of which we aren't the slightest bit aware.

In my opinion, our soulmate is the person from whom we get a thumbs-up from the genetic department, and a big thumbs up from the mental/fantasy/abstract department. Let's call that overt attraction. It follows (and is highly likely) that more than one soulmate exists for all of us: the trick is to find them.

But that isn't the end of it either. There is a third part of our lives that must be in congruence with the prospective partner, what I will call our active life. That's the side of living that includes family, friends, work, living arrangements, and all the maze-like rabbit-holes we create, mostly in our imagination.

If the first two attractions (genetic and overt) agree that the person before us is a tasty morsel, the active life might prevent getting together. The reason could be anything from an upcoming vacation, to a promotion at work, to a friend who is very demanding on our time. These are the things we have chosen. Logically, we can un-choose them so as to be more available, but that is a conscious action. Also, the decision to un-choose parts of our active life so as to allow the new person in can take time.

Which is my point. If our soulmate walked in the door right now, our active life might not be aligned right now despite all the other green lights. Which is why, as Miss A pointed out, the timing is critical. And if that is the case, the most important thing to say is: I think this might work, but I just need time to undo some other knots in my life. Maybe. But not now.

She doesn't like you Part 1, She doesn't like you Part 2, She doesn't like you Part 4.