Night Guard

Photo credit.


Is there a limit to the number of days in a week one is allowed to wake up to a small drool-puddle on the pillow?

If there is, I have the unhappy thought that I reached it this morning.



Bottoms Up, Mr Sandman!

Bed-In

Inspired by John and Yoko, I plan to conduct a Bed-In sometime soon. Maybe this weekend.

What's a Bed-In, I hear you ask?[link]

Well, Grasshoppah, a Bed-In is a protest conducted entirely from one's bed. It's a kind of supine sit-in, designed to create maximum media coverage without lifting a finger.

Lennon and Ono's protest concerned world peace. It's natural for anyone to think that keeping horizontal and ordering room-service could momentously change the momentum of human history. Natural for self-absorbed dicks like John Lennon, anyway.

But I like his thinking. Why create sweaty Million Man Marches or immense stinking charity concerts when all one need do to attract media attention is to check into a hotel and jump into the fart-sack?

Two things missing from this weekend's Wombat Bed-In. Actually, three.

1. A cause.

2. My own Celebrity.

3. A woman with whom to share the Bed-In (mandatory.)

If I could find a famous woman with a cause looking for publicity, I would have the answer, and quite possibly a tax deduction.





Bottoms Up, Bedriders!

Pic of Dumb and Dumber from here [link]

Sexy Nightware

There is a way to make a night-time dental guard sexy, but I don't know what that is.

After a hellacious three weeks dealing with a cracked tooth, the diagnosis is: bruxism.[link] Yes, now we all know that I clench and grind. At night. In bed.

The answer to starving my dentist of future boat payments is, you guessed it, the dental night-guard. Although hardly the equivalent of dentures sitting on the nightstand, there's something Über-Utilitarian about my new toy - something anti-sexy.

Then again, I'm looking at it from my point of view. I find all kinds of minor things hot on women. Braces on teeth; spectacles; spectacles being pushed up the nose*; lisps; almost any other speech imperfection; and lots of other stuff.

That's all about nuance, I think. Nuance gives character, separates us from the next person, stops the boredom of perfection and gives us a hand-hold on who you are. Perhaps it's the way our brains work, to look for the off-centre detail. At least that's how my brain works.

Now, if anyone can suggest ways of making my new night-guard into a chick-magnet, please let me know.


Bottoms up!




Pic from here.[link]

* Hat-tip to Miss Jones. [link]