Single Effort - Book Review

The first rule of 'how to' books is: Know your audience.

In the case of "Single Effort: How to Live Smarter, Date Better, and Be Awesomely Happy" Joe Keller succeeds, mostly because he writes for himself. That's a good thing, because there are many guys like him looking for help, even if they don't know it.

Keller is a divorced father, a demographic (sadly) on the increase. His book isn't a narrative about the changes divorce wrought in his life, but it could be. What he's done is to catalogue the bridges he crossed and the hills he climbed after his split, and provide nicely succinct solutions to a lot of the problems he found.

For instance, creating a home. Many guys probably left home decoration to their wives. Now they're on their own, they need to think about how to set up a household that works for them and their children. Guys tend not to think in specifics in this area. A bed, a couch, a television and somewhere to put their car keys will often be the extent of their exploration. But we like a stylish place as much as women - it's just that we don't know where to start. A few clear-cut pointers go a long way, and Keller does so without condescension. Again, he knows his likely readership, because he is his readership.

That's the heart of this book. Keller shines his word-processing flashlight into the areas most guys tend to overlook; how to set up a kitchen, how to cook a few basic dishes, how to clean (a favourite of mine) and not least, how to date. Some of the information is as basic as it comes...how to choose cleaning products, or how to choose wine, for example. Some guys will already know much of this. But revising the fundamentals of life in this way is refreshing to see, and good for we men in the sense that we know we have the important stuff covered.

Naturally, Keller also dives into how to date as a new singleton. His philosophy partially aligns with mine, in that he's a real-world dating advocate. Joining volunteer groups or a fitness club, taking classes or simply being in the community are all suggestions as to how to meet women. Frankly, I'm not certain that a divorced man with minor children should be out there dating. The kids already have enough chaos in their lives. However, people will fall to their urges, and at least the advice here is practical.

There is one chapter about online dating - I guess no book like this would be complete without such a thing.

Clearly, this book is a winner on two levels. Firstly, the author's tone is pitch-perfect. He neither talks down to his reader, nor does he patronize them. Secondly, he doesn't overlook the mundane; that alone sets him apart, because the guy who buys and uses the right cleaning products in his water closet is the guy who gets the girl.


Bottoms Up, Detail Oriented Daters.

Green Light, You Fool! Go!

Emma Caulfield

As a younger man I was a complete bonehead wrt women. I remember (amongst a few such incidents) a particular Saturday morning. The lovely dark-haired young lady and I had been on a couple of dates, and we planned to spend the morning out and about. We drove around to her mother's house, a substantial pile in a sweet part of town. Mother wasn't home. As we wandered the rooms, I failed to notice that her gorgeousness was wearing a very flirty dress, spent a lot of time close to me, and lingered long in her childhood bedroom showing me bits and pieces from earlier days. Only later did I realize just how bright and clear her green lights shone in my direction.

Damn. Another opportunity missed.

What was I thinking? In retrospect she was SHOUTING at me to CAPITALIZE on her horniness.



The single, active, hetero man requires two core skills.

1. Be able to find, charm, envelope and start the motor of attractive single women.

2. Know when attractive single women have found, chosen, and desire them.

These are the light and shade of satisfying our sexual desire. To get what biology drives us towards, we must navigate the female defenses and/or know when the drawbridge is down.

Unfortunately, the two sides of this coin share little by way of requisite skills. Going out and (effectively) hunting a woman is the light. It's the time-worn Hemmingway-esque approach that relies on confidence, optimism, showmanship and out-gunning the next guy. It's the shotgun blast and reload approach.

The shade is different. If a woman chooses, it calls for a more careful thought process. The subtleties of this path to heaven-on-earth sometimes elude younger, less mature man. Ahem. Clearly, I speak from experience, and now I understand it, would happily live in the shade. 





Bottoms Up, You Subtle Wonders You.

Sexual Non-Sequiteurs

A mental block.

This business of what to say during sex is becoming a hurdle. A second-hand Hollywood/porn soundtrack fills my head, so I'm no longer sure I can mouth or grunt expressions of...whatever it is we're supposed to emit during the bonk.

This is the difficulty with an analytical viewpoint - it's not sexy.

When one should be breathlessly imploring:

Oh, My GOD, your pussy is just so VELVETY and tight and you're so HOT and SEXY...

etc...

...the calm, detached person's instinct for talking is:

Huh. This feels really good. I wonder how evolution got to the point where a penis snugging into a vagina not only allows for DNA mixing, yet creates emotional satisfaction....

...etc.

You see the problem?

Thinking of dialogue to please the other person doesn't help, because there's no way of knowing (initially, at least) whether she likes:

Oh, yeah, you DIRTY bitch, I know you like it like THIS...

...etc.

Or if she's into:

Darling, let me introduce you to my best friend, Mr Sausage, and how happy you can make him with some light kissing....


etc.




Bottoms Up, You Slutty Bitch You.

Night Guard

Photo credit.


Is there a limit to the number of days in a week one is allowed to wake up to a small drool-puddle on the pillow?

If there is, I have the unhappy thought that I reached it this morning.



Bottoms Up, Mr Sandman!

Pillowfight

Pillowfighting tactics rarely receive an airing in polite conversation. Whenever the subject comes up, people tend to become quiet, shuffle their feet, look over your shoulder and eventually walk off.

That's my experience.

Good pillowfighters are rare: their skills rank alongside those of competent fencers (the rapier kind, not the keeping cows in a pasture kind) or synchronized swimmers. And the underground nature of pillowfighting is such that you never know if someone's a champion until you fight them and find out. In fact, the person next to you right now might be a savant pillowfighter .

Novice though I am, rules play a part. Here are the ones I know of:

1. Pillowfighting is a dry land sport. If you find yourself in the bath, or in the rain, you're doing it wrong.

2. Only one man at a time can pillowfight. That implies that at a minimum, a 'feather' (the pillowfighting term for a 'bout') consists of one man and one woman.

3. Quality feathers always have more than one woman, and the man should always be me.

4. Women fighters will always be in either lingerie or jimjams. Men can be in a three-piece suit for all I care.

5. At least one pillow should be present. Actually using it is optional.

6. During the fight, if a piece of your outfit is removed or otherwise comes off, you can't put it back on. No returns.

7. Although robust participation is good, females should all scream like whiny little bitches at some point.

8. Sportswomanship requires that at the end of the feather - or at any point during the fight - all parties hug. Light petting is encouraged. After that, you can do what you like. We're all adults here.








Bottoms Up, It's Bedtime!

Tie Me Up, Tie Me Down

The bow-tie is unfairly characterized as the neckware of fools and dandies, a misreading of the fashion in my opinion.

The men who affect the bow-tie are trying to look different, trying too hard because the bow-tie is a cliché that says "I'm trying to look different." They're obviously attempting to stand out, and everyone knows it...except the wearer, which confirms them as terminally un-hip.

If only the bow-tie was associated with restraint sex. From personal experience, regular neckties make perfect tools with which to tie a woman to the bed, or to restrain her arms or legs, or even to blindfold her. But bowties are a more perfect length, and you can always wear them the next day and keep the scent close to your nose.


Bottoms Up, Dominators!



Bow-tie sweater from here [link]

Bed-In

Inspired by John and Yoko, I plan to conduct a Bed-In sometime soon. Maybe this weekend.

What's a Bed-In, I hear you ask?[link]

Well, Grasshoppah, a Bed-In is a protest conducted entirely from one's bed. It's a kind of supine sit-in, designed to create maximum media coverage without lifting a finger.

Lennon and Ono's protest concerned world peace. It's natural for anyone to think that keeping horizontal and ordering room-service could momentously change the momentum of human history. Natural for self-absorbed dicks like John Lennon, anyway.

But I like his thinking. Why create sweaty Million Man Marches or immense stinking charity concerts when all one need do to attract media attention is to check into a hotel and jump into the fart-sack?

Two things missing from this weekend's Wombat Bed-In. Actually, three.

1. A cause.

2. My own Celebrity.

3. A woman with whom to share the Bed-In (mandatory.)

If I could find a famous woman with a cause looking for publicity, I would have the answer, and quite possibly a tax deduction.





Bottoms Up, Bedriders!

Pic of Dumb and Dumber from here [link]

Sexy Nightware

There is a way to make a night-time dental guard sexy, but I don't know what that is.

After a hellacious three weeks dealing with a cracked tooth, the diagnosis is: bruxism.[link] Yes, now we all know that I clench and grind. At night. In bed.

The answer to starving my dentist of future boat payments is, you guessed it, the dental night-guard. Although hardly the equivalent of dentures sitting on the nightstand, there's something Über-Utilitarian about my new toy - something anti-sexy.

Then again, I'm looking at it from my point of view. I find all kinds of minor things hot on women. Braces on teeth; spectacles; spectacles being pushed up the nose*; lisps; almost any other speech imperfection; and lots of other stuff.

That's all about nuance, I think. Nuance gives character, separates us from the next person, stops the boredom of perfection and gives us a hand-hold on who you are. Perhaps it's the way our brains work, to look for the off-centre detail. At least that's how my brain works.

Now, if anyone can suggest ways of making my new night-guard into a chick-magnet, please let me know.


Bottoms up!




Pic from here.[link]

* Hat-tip to Miss Jones. [link]