Now Make a U-Turn.

Fortunately for everyone concerned, not all men have movie-style bedding ability.

James Bond-like moves on ladies are (mostly) restricted to actual movie/rock stars and the Überconfident alpha-male types. You know the ones, the guys who basically have women bumping against them day and night. All they really need do is say "Yes". There is also a subset of guys who are so keyed into women's body language and ways of thinking that they can inveigle their way into immediate sex. Again, they're a minority.

The majority of we dudes rely on what I call the Garmin Effect. If you've ever taken a wrong turn, your GPS will patiently explain how to get back on course. Depending on the voice you've chosen (the subject of a whole other discussion) he or she will advise a u-turn or taking of the next exit or some other second chance at getting it right. And third and fourth and fifth and sixth chance. She's indefatigable.

So it is in real life. When a woman likes a guy, she'll often give him many, many opportunities to break through the mutuality barrier. Sure, she'll bitch to her girlfriends that so-and-so's an idiot for not making a move, but that's for show. When she sees him again, she'll attempt to send him green light after green light.

Now, there will be a limit to the lady's patience. Women aren't sophisticated navigation computers, after all. Whilst your Garmin will never give up on you, the hottie who's after you will, men, so keep that in mind. Her persistence to get you will last only so long.


This process gels with the theory that women decide early-on whether they're interested in a guy. They're always ahead of the curve. Men, mostly, are much slower at figuring it out. They need more evidence upon which to base a decision. The nexus - and the opportunity - lies in the gap between. If you're a guy and you know you're slow, try to short-circuit your own plodding microchip, and be more aware of her quick-fire processor.

Opportunity, they name is clock speed.



Bottoms Up, carbon-based lovers.

Green Light, You Fool! Go!

Emma Caulfield

As a younger man I was a complete bonehead wrt women. I remember (amongst a few such incidents) a particular Saturday morning. The lovely dark-haired young lady and I had been on a couple of dates, and we planned to spend the morning out and about. We drove around to her mother's house, a substantial pile in a sweet part of town. Mother wasn't home. As we wandered the rooms, I failed to notice that her gorgeousness was wearing a very flirty dress, spent a lot of time close to me, and lingered long in her childhood bedroom showing me bits and pieces from earlier days. Only later did I realize just how bright and clear her green lights shone in my direction.

Damn. Another opportunity missed.

What was I thinking? In retrospect she was SHOUTING at me to CAPITALIZE on her horniness.



The single, active, hetero man requires two core skills.

1. Be able to find, charm, envelope and start the motor of attractive single women.

2. Know when attractive single women have found, chosen, and desire them.

These are the light and shade of satisfying our sexual desire. To get what biology drives us towards, we must navigate the female defenses and/or know when the drawbridge is down.

Unfortunately, the two sides of this coin share little by way of requisite skills. Going out and (effectively) hunting a woman is the light. It's the time-worn Hemmingway-esque approach that relies on confidence, optimism, showmanship and out-gunning the next guy. It's the shotgun blast and reload approach.

The shade is different. If a woman chooses, it calls for a more careful thought process. The subtleties of this path to heaven-on-earth sometimes elude younger, less mature man. Ahem. Clearly, I speak from experience, and now I understand it, would happily live in the shade. 





Bottoms Up, You Subtle Wonders You.

You're Such a Dirty Bitch

 Manuela Arcuri photo credit.

You're such a dirty bitch.

God you're so wet, I love it.

Oooh, yeah, that feels great.

Your pussy feels so tight. 

Mmmmm, I could do this forever.


Guess what we're doing here? Yes, I'm talking during sex, and now that it's written down, it's kinda lame - unimaginative, even. But  when I start thinking about improving my sex-talk repertoire, the right words elude me.

My working theory is this: If a woman is sharing her mind and body with me in heavenly congress, she wants me to be as close to her ideal lover as possible. I guess women have the two extremes of men in mind - the worst possible and the best. The worst kind of lover sticks it in, wiggles it around for a bit, ejaculates and remains silent throughout. (Although under some circumstances I can see some women wanting precisely that. Tricky creatures.)

The ideal lover is skilled at making her feel beautiful and sexy; understands just how to help her mind and body stay horny; exerts the right amount of authority; talks eloquently and sexily; and fucks her long and often.

Frankly, that doesn't seem like such a big ask, especially in a loving marriage or committed LTR. Still, the right kind of talking during sex looks to be the most elusive element. From personal experience, men should avoid:


~ laughter. Women seem to take this personally, rather than as an expression of joy.

~ filth-talk if she's not in the mood. Best to discuss this beforehand.

~ comparison to other women, even if positively. Duh.

~ explicit functional chat if she's not prepared for it. Body parts have distinctly unsexy names.

~ anything that makes her feel self-conscious. Until she's comfortable with admiring honesty.


That's a start. As with much surrounding sexual preferences, it's best discussed away from the heat of the moment. Start when fully-clothed, and over dinner, ask:

Darling, when we're making love, do you like it when I tell you how hot you are in Latin?

With luck you'll be able to capitalize on the feeling and try your sex-talk immediately. Practice makes perfect.



Bottoms Up, Woman-Whisperers.

The Pits

Armpit tattoo photo credit.

It's automatic, I can't help it. Whenever I see a woman's exposed armpit, I figure she's thinking sexy thoughts, because I sure am.

How many women understand the Power of the Pit? Of all the green lights, the deliberate exhibition of her armpit is a double-strength sign of sexual interest. Hands above head in a sleeveless top, she's game for it, baby.

Either that or she's bored as hell and just wants to stretch.

Armpits raise all kinds of emotions around the obvious issues: hair and smell. Men talk about these lofty matters all the time. Just the other day I had a long chat with a mate about how to deal with the situation when you make a move on a woman only to find she's hiding a couple of musk rats under each arm. I said to grin and work through; he wanted to catch and release those things.

Each to their own, right?

One woman friend had a - short-term - lover who got off on licking her armpits while he was fucking her. Problems here include the obvious one of the non-deliciousness of anti-perspirant.

As I say, each to their own.

In any case, if women don't realize how sexually loaded their armpits are, high time they were.




Bottoms Up Pit Warriors.

My Pants are Too Tight

Indulging my new fascination. Introducing Greta and Greg.



Bottoms Up, Miscommunicators!

Friday Fluffer - Be My Valentine

Sunday is Valentine's Day, some bogus made-up celebration designed to make men anxious.

For those of you with nipples and an interest in low-energy technology, this might be a pleasing VD surprise - the LED Pasty.

Talk about green lights. [link]








Or if you are looking for something less outré, this might be more valuable. [link]

What is she saying? Do I care?

If in doubt, I refer to Sun Tzu:

It is said that if you know your enemies and know yourself, you will not be imperiled in a hundred battles;...

In warfare, as in mating, a few simple rules can save us from calamitous mistakes. Avoiding a hundred unsatisfactory encounters with women, looking for green lights, confused about body language, is easily done: ignore them.

No, I am not advocating completely rinsing women right out of your hair, that won't do at all. But a way to remain calm and unconcerned is to stop looking. This might not make much sense if you're a woman reading this, but consciously giving up the eternal pursuit of skirt (if only for a night) can be liberating for a man. It is similar to the day your mother says you can - after years of work - quit the piano lessons you loathed. Release, blessed release.

A man thusly at peace with himself has mental energy to burn. Avoiding the manic effect of trim-chasing mode lightens the heart, creating a sense of cool engagement with women. If she's interested, she'll talk to me. If she wants to kiss, she'll initiate. If she's discreetly handing your her underwear under the table, she probably wants sex.

See how easy that is?

Calm men, not on the lookout, will attract women. It hands us the decision - yes, or no?




Green Lights Part One, Green Lights Part Two, Green Lights Part Three, Green Lights Part Five.

At the stop lights, waiting for her green lights.

Finding the right person is not a precise pastime. We would all like to know exactly where we stand with respect to particular members of the opposite sex, but it's not that kind of a universe. Do they like us, love us, feel indifferent, want to boil us in oil? Without spending lots of time with them, observing and talking, it's impossible to know.

And if we can never be 100% sure within ourselves of how we feel about someone, that someone will have a tougher time figuring us out too. Everyone in the dating world lives in an uncertainty cloud, never really knowing what's going on.

Which is why this article about Stoplight Parties caught my eye. By wearing clothing or an accessory coloured green, amber or red, the individual reveals their availability, thereby improving visibility a little.

I like the idea. Oddly, it is the red-wearing people I admire the most. They're romantically taken, or just not interested, so their status is crystal clear; sexual intercourse is out, social intercourse is in. When ambiguity is resolved, everyone knows how to proceed.

That's where I plan to take this week at Kiss & Blog, along the route of discovering how to interpret (especially) green lights, and how to clear that uncertainty cloud.

*

Women's green lights Part Two, Green lights Part Three, Green Lights Part Four, Green Lights Part Five.

Is she my soulmate?

Do soulmates exist? Maybe, but I am not a buyer. I think what happens when we meet our 'soulmate' is that we click on more than the usual number of levels.

We can all list the physical and abstract qualities to which we are attracted, or from which we run. Meet a person for the first time, and we instantly size up their look, body, eyes, hair, teeth, posture, gait, dress, mannerisms, speech and a million other details that tell us who they are.

Beneath the surface our devious little genes are sizing that person up too, via smell, taste, size, savings account, and so on, in ways of which we aren't the slightest bit aware.

In my opinion, our soulmate is the person from whom we get a thumbs-up from the genetic department, and a big thumbs up from the mental/fantasy/abstract department. Let's call that overt attraction. It follows (and is highly likely) that more than one soulmate exists for all of us: the trick is to find them.

But that isn't the end of it either. There is a third part of our lives that must be in congruence with the prospective partner, what I will call our active life. That's the side of living that includes family, friends, work, living arrangements, and all the maze-like rabbit-holes we create, mostly in our imagination.

If the first two attractions (genetic and overt) agree that the person before us is a tasty morsel, the active life might prevent getting together. The reason could be anything from an upcoming vacation, to a promotion at work, to a friend who is very demanding on our time. These are the things we have chosen. Logically, we can un-choose them so as to be more available, but that is a conscious action. Also, the decision to un-choose parts of our active life so as to allow the new person in can take time.

Which is my point. If our soulmate walked in the door right now, our active life might not be aligned right now despite all the other green lights. Which is why, as Miss A pointed out, the timing is critical. And if that is the case, the most important thing to say is: I think this might work, but I just need time to undo some other knots in my life. Maybe. But not now.

She doesn't like you Part 1, She doesn't like you Part 2, She doesn't like you Part 4.