Now Make a U-Turn.

Fortunately for everyone concerned, not all men have movie-style bedding ability.

James Bond-like moves on ladies are (mostly) restricted to actual movie/rock stars and the Überconfident alpha-male types. You know the ones, the guys who basically have women bumping against them day and night. All they really need do is say "Yes". There is also a subset of guys who are so keyed into women's body language and ways of thinking that they can inveigle their way into immediate sex. Again, they're a minority.

The majority of we dudes rely on what I call the Garmin Effect. If you've ever taken a wrong turn, your GPS will patiently explain how to get back on course. Depending on the voice you've chosen (the subject of a whole other discussion) he or she will advise a u-turn or taking of the next exit or some other second chance at getting it right. And third and fourth and fifth and sixth chance. She's indefatigable.

So it is in real life. When a woman likes a guy, she'll often give him many, many opportunities to break through the mutuality barrier. Sure, she'll bitch to her girlfriends that so-and-so's an idiot for not making a move, but that's for show. When she sees him again, she'll attempt to send him green light after green light.

Now, there will be a limit to the lady's patience. Women aren't sophisticated navigation computers, after all. Whilst your Garmin will never give up on you, the hottie who's after you will, men, so keep that in mind. Her persistence to get you will last only so long.


This process gels with the theory that women decide early-on whether they're interested in a guy. They're always ahead of the curve. Men, mostly, are much slower at figuring it out. They need more evidence upon which to base a decision. The nexus - and the opportunity - lies in the gap between. If you're a guy and you know you're slow, try to short-circuit your own plodding microchip, and be more aware of her quick-fire processor.

Opportunity, they name is clock speed.



Bottoms Up, carbon-based lovers.

The Dating Checklist

Gradually, it's becoming clearer to me that a wish list - a dating wish list - isn't as productive as I might have thought.

That mental checklist we all keep of the qualities and attributes of that special someone is normal and of some value, but we always need to be willing to toss it away. The very act of permitting ourselves to ignore our preconceived ideas of who is right and who is wrong for us is liberating. It's an acknowledgment of the fact that life is chaotic, and we never know who is just around the corner.

The idea of filtering people appeals to us because it cuts down on possibilities. When you're in the market for people, the choice is more-or-less infinite. It's more confusing than the cereal aisle at the supermarket, but even there knowing what you want should give way to the experience of finding something new. When you want granola and know it, that's a good thing - until you discover something better.

But finding the person who meshes perfectly (or as perfectly as possible) isn't so simple. For one thing, we are only rarely sufficiently self-aware to know how we fit with any random person. For another, life has a way of throwing stuff and people at us that we just didn't think existed. In essence, we all think that our brains and experience are all-encompassing, and that nothing can surprise us. That's a form of arrogance, and not good if you're truly open-minded about exploring every possibility offered up.




Bottoms Up, Open-Minders.

Allow Yourself Pleasure

"Most women need permission to express themselves sexually and allow themselves pleasure."*

I sense an element of truth in this statement, and yet raise my eyebrows. 'Permission' implies someone has the authority allowing each individual female release. Is is possible that women themselves deny that permission? Do women stop their own natural behaviour? Why?

This kind of self flagellation is foreign to guys. We routinely deny ourselves expression from the other end of that spectrum - controlling our impulses civilizes us. This, too, can be overdone, leading to male sexual introversion.

Perhaps we could meet in the middle. Ladies, give yourself permission. Men, go meet the women.




Bottoms Up, Permit Holders!



Pic from here [link]

*Quote from a quote from "Release the Seductress Within" by Laurie Sue Brockway.

Who are you really?

Learning how to sell is largely about listening. A gratifying part of being a better salesman is succeeding in silencing your own voice so you can hear what other people are communicating - what they're really saying.

Here's what I discovered while listening to people talk: we constantly tell everyone who we are. I reckon that within the first twenty sentences, the person you're with will tell you what's on their mind, what they think about that thing, and they will reveal a large measure of who they are.

What I used to do was to prepare my answer or reply way before the other person finished speaking. Before the first few words of each sentence were out of the other person's mouth, I was ready to fire my thoughts back. Conversations like this aren't communication, they're two concurrent monologues.

I remember from a long-ago marketing class that communication has two parts. First is the communication, then there is feedback. Knowing this and holding it in mind changes the dynamics of conversations, especially conversations with a new, possibly datable, person.

That's what I concentrate on now, listening to the woman, and giving great feedback. The unanticipated consequence of this is that very early on, without even thinking about it, I can tell if she's for me or not. It's easier to move on (rather than make a move) if you can see who she really is, rather than who she says she is.



Bottoms Up, Listeners!



Edited for pic, simplicity and clarity.

Pic from here [link]