Breaking up used to be easy. You'd call your girlfriend, tell her you need to talk, and deliver the news. As a callow youth in Australia, I dumped Stephanie in the comfy chair room of the local pub one night. We called it the comfy chair room because it had nice big wing-backs and deep-cushioned arm-chairs of the sort one's grandparents owned. It was the kind of place pretentious teenagers would sip red wine and solve the world's problems, in that way only teenagers who know nothing can.
Ending a relationship in such a setting isn't recommended. Much better to choose somewhere well-lit and uncomfortable with many exits.
After 'the talk' I went straight to the back bar to be with my mates. Brutal, but honest. Stephanie and I reunited a week later, but eventually split. The first time never takes, right?
Thesedays one needs a checklist for action items after the fact. First, change your Facebook and/or Myspace status. Write a blog post reflecting same. Then Tweet that, plus any other random social networking site modifications you need. Rifle through your Flickr or Snapfish or similar accounts to consider whether to remove cutesy pics of you and the now-ex. (Special consideration to what your next girlfriend might think.)
Now you need to email everyone you've ever told you had a girlfriend and inform them of your status. Maybe call parents and siblings, if they haven't already IMd you from Facebook. Check your place for pieces of clothing she might have left, plus makeup, shoes, toothbrushes and 'personal items' and return them.
Lastly, make a decision about the most sensitive stuff. What to do with the sex videos? Delete them, joint custody, or just lie about deleting them? Hmmmm.
How to break up gracefully. [link]
Thanks to Kat for the inspiration. [link]
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