Being Elin Woods

The problem with being Elin Woods is that she will only ever rise to being number 16 in Tiger Woods's life.

Why number 16? Because if you are Tiger Woods, you have fourteen golf clubs in your bag, and a caddy. That's fifteen, then comes the wife, at number 16.

Elin's in a Catch 22, or, as we might call it, a 16 Handicap. To make Tiger the superstar he is, he needs those clubs. To hand him the clubs, carry them around the course, hold his umbrella and give him "yardage" he needs Steve Williams, his Kiwi caddy.

If Tiger's without any of these elements, he's just another guy. The hundreds of millions of dollars, the ocean-going yachts and all the luxury don't accumulate unless he has those clubs. And his buddy.

Elin knows this. That's why she's so mad. Like most married women, she'd like to be Numero Uno, but can never be if she wants to keep enjoying a life of opulence. A mistress would be acceptable but being considered behind golf clubs and a bloke in shorts? That's an insult.