Pillowfight

Pillowfighting tactics rarely receive an airing in polite conversation. Whenever the subject comes up, people tend to become quiet, shuffle their feet, look over your shoulder and eventually walk off.

That's my experience.

Good pillowfighters are rare: their skills rank alongside those of competent fencers (the rapier kind, not the keeping cows in a pasture kind) or synchronized swimmers. And the underground nature of pillowfighting is such that you never know if someone's a champion until you fight them and find out. In fact, the person next to you right now might be a savant pillowfighter .

Novice though I am, rules play a part. Here are the ones I know of:

1. Pillowfighting is a dry land sport. If you find yourself in the bath, or in the rain, you're doing it wrong.

2. Only one man at a time can pillowfight. That implies that at a minimum, a 'feather' (the pillowfighting term for a 'bout') consists of one man and one woman.

3. Quality feathers always have more than one woman, and the man should always be me.

4. Women fighters will always be in either lingerie or jimjams. Men can be in a three-piece suit for all I care.

5. At least one pillow should be present. Actually using it is optional.

6. During the fight, if a piece of your outfit is removed or otherwise comes off, you can't put it back on. No returns.

7. Although robust participation is good, females should all scream like whiny little bitches at some point.

8. Sportswomanship requires that at the end of the feather - or at any point during the fight - all parties hug. Light petting is encouraged. After that, you can do what you like. We're all adults here.








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