In the eighties, impending lovers would concern themselves with HIV; in the nineties it was herpes; this decade saw a resurgence of syphilis. All that is history, because from now on, romantic fear will be of bugs.
Bedbugs, to be accurate, which have found a foothold in beds all over the country and are looking to make a home in a mattress near you. Really near you.
(Ohio is allegedly bedbug central, but that's sure to be New York elitists blaming innocent Midwesterners to divert attention.)
Consider this quote from a University of Kentucky study:
95% of U.S. pest management companies surveyed said they had 'encountered a bedbug infestation in the past year'.
Quoted from this Business Week article which neatly summarizes the problem. [link]
We'll look back on the last thirty years as a golden age, a period of insect-free sleep and fearless lying on perfect strangers' beds. Back then, careful folks would insist on blood tests to prove sex-worthiness; from now on they'll want a pest inspector's report.
Chat-up lines will morph, too. Men will sidle up to women in bars and whisper in their ears:
Hey honey, my place got sprayed today. Wanna come back and smell the DDT?
As the New York Times notes, there is no chemical that can reliably kill our new wee bedmates on a large scale. So I'd say it's back to sex on hard surfaces, like bathroom vanity units and hoods of cars. I guess it could be worse.
Bottoms Up, Nibblers!
Pic of lady bedbug from here [link]
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