The chic and desirable Doc30ty did us all a favour. She started her Blogger Santa Christmas in August idea whereupon participating bloggers are given three anonymously sourced questions to do with as they choose. Herewith my Q's and A's.
1. In When Harry Met Sally, he says that men and women can't be friends because the sex thing always gets in the way, do you believe this statement to be true?
Yes, the statement is true. And it's false. Shall I explain? Okay.
Consider two people, a man and a woman, sitting at a table in a restaurant, much like Harry and Sally did in the movie. They might be friends, or they might not, but they have things in common, can converse, share some energy. There is no sex involved, yet.
The potential for sex is what gets in the way of this relationship staying as a friendship or developing into a friendship. If either one of them thinks about and cannot act upon the other sexually for more than 1% (plus or minus, YMMV) of the time, then sex gets in the way.
The alternative is that they are mutually attracted and go on to have sex. Regularly. Presuming they have all the other prerequisites for a friendship in place, the sex probably won't get in the way, and the relationship takes its course. I submit that's what many of us would consider the best kind of relationship - friendship with someone we love and have sex with.
In short: If significant sexual desire is kept in the head, it will eventually get in the way of a friendship. Openness about one's desire (at an appropriate point) will go a long way to shrinking it back down below the 1% threshold, or towards getting laid. Either/or.
So I hope you see my point. It's not the sex that gets in the way, it's the potential for sex. Unrequited longings doom m/f friendships.
2. If you could re-run your life again, what is the one thing that you would do differently?
I should have stopped and married the girl I know now I should have stopped and married. She wasn't perfect, but she was the right one. And had I asked, I think she would have. Dammit. What a fool.
3. If you could offer me one bit of advice to get through life, what would it be?
Gain wisdom beyond your years, maintain energy from your early years, and never, ever take yourself seriously. There are enough of us out here to fulfil the 'taking yourself seriously' quota for centuries to come - no need to pile on.
For myself, I can tell you that the greatest gift has been understanding the architecture of optimism. Fear of the future and regret for the past will kill you as surely as a knife to the heart. But if you believe in a future positive the past immediately begins to load up with contentment, and tomorrow doesn't look so bad.
Bottoms Up, Optimists!
Pic from the Twin Cities Daily Photo. I want to go to MSP now. [link]
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