Underbody Rustproofing and Free Floor Mats

In the car game, they call it The Grind.

You sit in the salesperson's office while she pretends to cut you a deal. She - please call me Dee - makes you think that the dealership is about to give you the car by way of a special low price. The sales manager must be consulted. News returns that you've been blessed by the boss's largesse. Sadly, the company is making only making twenty-five dollars on the deal, but that's your good luck. Dee wants you to know she's struggling to make this month's quota, so a sale is a sale.

Now, let's talk about those extras. We recommend the underbody rustproofing and special paint protection. Buy those and Dee will throw in some floor mats.

Dating is the same. You fancy a particular girl who makes you feel right. She might be somewhat out of your league. You have prospects, a decent personality and no priors, plus you want kids. (Never underestimate this thesedays.) You make your play; a bid for her affections, with a view to marriage. She will get back to you.

We're all familiar with this dance. The difference between The Grind and dating is that women used to consult with their mother and/or father about your long-term suitability. I'm not so sure this happens any more. My feeling is that ladies will ask girlfriends or siblings or Miss Cleo. Or they'll say "screw that" and decide for themselves, taking charge of their own car dealership. 



Bottoms Up, Grinders. 

Relationship Mash-Upship

Sophie Marceau pic credit.

Beautifully matched couples are boring. Kens and Barbies together are meant to be seen as a pair, batteries sold separately. Surely they have their tiffs and differences like any other be-coupled life forms, but it's less dramatic when you know there'll always be someone else. The drama of a bust-up barely registers when the danger is only of when they'll find another one just like the last. Answer: It won't take long.

Couples who are clearly different in appearance raise interesting questions. Do they know they look mismatched? What is it they have in common? Which one of them has the most devious motivation? Are they together out of spite? Which of them is desperate?

[You'll note that I attribute less than honourable motives here. That speaks to my mind, not to our theoretical odd pair.]

In my experience, there are a few broad categories where couples look noticeable. There's the big age difference, the big looks- or body-style difference, and the style difference. A style difference would be, say, someone fully tatted-up with a cleanskin. Cheatin' Jesse James and Sandra Bullock is one example. Less obvious mismatches are those involving social ability, wealth and intelligence. Intelligence is a tricky one, because measurement is so subjective.

Looking around, it's clear that we tend to meld with those who more-or-less look like they belong to us. That might simply be because all we want in a partner is the opposite-sex version of our favourite person. Us.






Bottoms Up, Self-Esteemers.

Harry Wanted to Boff Sally

The chic and desirable Doc30ty did us all a favour. She started her Blogger Santa Christmas in August idea whereupon participating bloggers are given three anonymously sourced questions to do with as they choose. Herewith my Q's and A's.

1. In When Harry Met Sally, he says that men and women can't be friends because the sex thing always gets in the way, do you believe this statement to be true?

Yes, the statement is true. And it's false. Shall I explain? Okay.

Consider two people, a man and a woman, sitting at a table in a restaurant, much like Harry and Sally did in the movie. They might be friends, or they might not, but they have things in common, can converse, share some energy. There is no sex involved, yet.

The potential for sex is what gets in the way of this relationship staying as a friendship or developing into a friendship. If either one of them thinks about and cannot act upon the other sexually for more than 1% (plus or minus, YMMV) of the time, then sex gets in the way.

The alternative is that they are mutually attracted and go on to have sex. Regularly. Presuming they have all the other prerequisites for a friendship in place, the sex probably won't get in the way, and the relationship takes its course. I submit that's what many of us would consider the best kind of relationship - friendship with someone we love and have sex with.

In short: If significant sexual desire is kept in the head, it will eventually get in the way of a friendship. Openness about one's desire (at an appropriate point) will go a long way to shrinking it back down below the 1% threshold, or towards getting laid. Either/or.

So I hope you see my point. It's not the sex that gets in the way, it's the potential for sex. Unrequited longings doom m/f friendships.

2. If you could re-run your life again, what is the one thing that you would do differently?

I should have stopped and married the girl I know now I should have stopped and married. She wasn't perfect, but she was the right one. And had I asked, I think she would have. Dammit. What a fool.

3. If you could offer me one bit of advice to get through life, what would it be?

Gain wisdom beyond your years, maintain energy from your early years, and never, ever take yourself seriously. There are enough of us out here to fulfil the 'taking yourself seriously' quota for centuries to come - no need to pile on.

For myself, I can tell you that the greatest gift has been understanding the architecture of optimism. Fear of the future and regret for the past will kill you as surely as a knife to the heart. But if you believe in a future positive the past immediately begins to load up with contentment, and tomorrow doesn't look so bad.



Bottoms Up, Optimists!



Pic from the Twin Cities Daily Photo. I want to go to MSP now. [link]