Intimacy

If we distill what we're looking for, I think the liquor we want is intimacy.

Sex is a part of intimacy, but only if we understand the other person. The corollary is that we can have intimacy without sex. You might not agree with that, and I understand why. Intimacy, however, is like understanding mountains: you can climb them, or you can observe them. Either way you can be awed and changed. One need not preclude the other to find wonderment.

One non-negotiable element of intimacy is closeness. LDRs, phone sex, letters and sexting: none of these make for, or even add to, an intimate relationship.

Intimacy is way more about vulnerability than much else. Admission of weakness; owning up to uncertainty; willingness to risk emotional ruin: these are the inputs to an intimate time.

I'd go further. Some of the most intimate moments with women are those before sex arises. Tension between men and women magnifies the closeness, highlights what's missing. These are delicious seconds, or, if you can resist the urge to toss off your kit and shag, minutes.

Anticipation and delayed gratification. Damn them.



Bottoms Up, Delayers!