How Good Is Your Meetability?

Meetability is my word for the combination of all your attractive qualities multiplied by how well you project them.

There are two kinds of Meetability:

Passive Meetability is the vibe you show the universe as an everyday matter, when you're not consciously trying to meet people.

Active Meetability is the style in which you actively engage folks, the interactive qualities you communicate to others.

The point of me pointing out Meetability is that you might be the most beautiful, gracious, thoughtful, sweet, loyal and good-humoured person in the world...but it all means zero if you can't find a way to get that message to others. And although I haven't given this acres of thought, I have an inkling that simple self-awareness of your Meetability level at any point will make a difference.

An example: When you're in that coffee line in the morning, take a small inward look. Are you dressed attractively? Groomed the way you like? Standing upright? Smiling? Thinking positively about the day ahead?

Picture yourself from the aspect of the people ahead and behind you in line. Would YOU like to talk to you? That's your Passive Meetability.

Now, if you decide to say "Good morning" to the person ahead of you in line, your Active Meetability will come to the fore. People naturally react well to eye-contact, calmness, and the ability to engage without distraction. When you say "Good morning", mean it, and then listen for the response. Meetability is about not just going through the motions.

Note: Don't think we have to apply some kind of universal standard here. If your idea of good grooming and sartorial splendor is post-work-out funk and an orangutan suit, that's cool. Meetability is whatever you decide is putting your best forward. You'll attract what you will. Artifice doesn't work in the long run.




Bottoms Up, Detached Self-Analyzers.

State of the Union

After a couple of months' reflection, a few thoughts:


+ men want women

+ women want men


Some motivations last longer than a tv season. Additionally, it is mostly the case that:


+ men want to (eventually) find the one woman with whom to live HEA

+ women want to (eventually) find the one man with whom to live HEA


No revelation there, either, although I think we underestimate men's desire for this, especially as marriage appears to provide more physical and mental health benefits for them.

Notwithstanding part II, above:


+ men often pursue women diabolically unsuitable to the job of living HEA

+ women often pursue men chronically unable to live with them HEA


Which is fine, because previous generations are horrible at passing on their experience, and so we need to learn the same lessons about failing at relationships. Each generation relearns afresh. However:


+ men often settle rather than quit

+ women often settle rather than quit


I think the reason we sabotage ourselves in the search for the right person is that it's fun chasing and being chased - we get off on pursing and being pursued. In short, the game itself becomes the objective.

There comes a point in every relationship - except with the one - when we need to call it off. It might be after the first date or it might be after a year, but bailing will be the best course for both of you.

That's the trick IMO. Knowing when to jump, and knowing when to stick.



Bottoms Up, Gamers.

To Protect and Provide

 Melinda Clarke

Whether it's a tipping point, a turning point or simply a point of inflection, there's something in the wind out there. Not that it's an overnight shift nor even noticeable year-to-year, but I smell a sea-change.

Specifically, men want to protect and provide for their women.

And women seem to neither want nor need either service.

If true, this means more change to relationships, marriage, child-rearing and old-age. Whither men if we're needed only as suppliers of DNA? 





Bottoms Up, Changeagents.

Wingmaniac

Thinking you're a good Wingman and exhibiting good Wingman skills aren't the same thing. A useful Wingman should...well, just what constitutes a good Wingman?


A competent Wingman or Wingwoman should:

-> Act in the interests of the Leader at all times

-> Put themselves second in the pursuit of a mate (deferring to the Leader)

-> Do whatever works in attracting likely love interests (for the Leader)

-> Give honest and accurate feedback to the Leader

Wingmanship is all about unselfishness and reflecting of one's ability to attract (however small) back onto the other guy. It's like being a birdfeeder next to a cat's hiding place. Here birdie, look at the tasty sunflower seeds.

But when my Leader said the following, he needed to hear the truth:

Okay, Wombat. When Stephanie comes in, I want you to find a way to let her know that I'm interested, but I need to know she's not just being touchy-feely, and really wants to be touchy-feely.

Hmmm. This sounds bad. Male uncertainty resolves only rarely in his favour. And, as expected, Stephanie arrived in a wave of perfume and hugs...for everyone. She did reserve special attention for my Leader, but the energy shouted "amused interest" rather than "take me now". Although I have to say there was a spark of something there, to which my buddy had assigned sexual possibility.




So I invoked Wingman's Responsibility #4. He needed to know that while Steph was certainly worthy of his exploration, the green lights he saw where faux. His instinct was telling him this, hence my involvement.


When she's really interested, you'll be in no doubt, I advised. Oh. And when she's over her ex. 






Bottoms Up, Wingpeople.

Life Curves - Wombatgram #11

Some windows of opportunity are wide open, some are heart-breakingly short.



Click on the Wombatgram to view with more detail.

Bottoms Up, Lifers.