Friday Fluffer - With Starch or Without, Sir?

The Fluffer is pleased to report that men are taking responsibility - at last - for any aging skin they might have.

Ladies, of course, spend mucho time and beaucoup pesos on products and services that keep them looking as ageless and wrinkle-free as a newly skinned drum. Thesedays, men are catching the same snare.

And what better place to start than between a man's legs? I present to you the aptly named "Tighten the Tackle" service, the highlight of which is something called "ball ironing", provided by the luscious Nurse Jamie.

Delicately describing the $575 non-surgical treatment, the blonde beautician says it involves using lasers to remove hair, erase wrinkles and correct discoloration on the scrotum.

Like women, she explains, her male clients are keen to 'keep their garden kept' and it's purely for aesthetic reasons.

I'm as relieved as you to know that this is a simple vanity service. Lord knows we don't need to be worrying about dying from overly-wrinkled nuts.

Read more about Nurse Jamie in the Mail Online here.



Bottoms Up, And This Won't Hurt A Bit.

Hair

When asked:

How do you like my hair style? 

The smart man:

a.) Remarks that the current length and cut is perfect,

b.) Expresses a strong preference for either very short or very long hair,

c.) Asks whether she's looking for a professional look or something else,

d.) Wonders aloud what kind of change is being contemplated,

e.) Comments enthusiastically that redheads are definitely dirtier,

f.) States for the record that he doesn't care as long as it smells nice,

g.) Begins a rant against the horror of hair extensions,

or

h.) Takes her in his arms and commences a make-out session?



Bottoms Up, French Rollers.

Hair

Him: What are you, a leg man, a tit man, an arse man or what?

Me: Oh, I'm a hair man.

Him: A hair man? (Incredulously.)

Me: Yep.


Call it a top down approach. The hair tells you almost everything about a woman you need to know. The rest you can fill in from her shoes and her fingernails.

Note that I wrote "...everything...you need to know..." not "...everything...".

Let's put it this way: Any time or money a dame spends on the right hair-do will be time or money well spent. Men who begrudge this are foolish.




Bottoms Up, French Rollers!

Ponytails

I didn't have the stomach to search Flickr for photos, because I'm sure there's a ponytail fetish group there. Not that fetishes are bad (as I grit my teef through thoughts of Furries and other truly fringe weirdness.) It's more that I don't want to be thought of as being defined by my preference. Or get caught out by membership in a totally dweeby photo-based fetish organization. That's just too depressing.

So let's get it out there. I think women wearing ponytails are hot. More so if the ponytail is tucked through the adjustment strap of a baseball hat. That's it. Now I'm on record as having the lamest predilection ever.

Here are some reasons that make them sexy:

> The girly factor. Ponytails are feminine, and emphasize luxuriant, lustrous hair.

> The youth factor. They remind us of innocence.

> The vitality factor. Healthy, ruddy, active, tiger in bed.

> The shakeout factor. When the scrunchy is removed, and the hair falls free...

> The erogenous zone factor 1. Ears. We know that women's ears can be Zonal.

> The erogenous zone factor 2. Neck. We know that women's necks can be Zonal.

I hope no-one reads this.