Dating Ideas

If you have found and fancy a new person, let's think about some better dating techniques. Not that you're horrid at dating, of course, but as with any skill a little forethought will improve the outcome. Here are three ideas.

Give Your Brain Time

Number one on my list is that if this truly is a new person in your life - not an acquaintance morphing into something else - it will take time for your brain to absorb all the new information they provide. Dating is only partially about physically being with the person. Processing what you see and hear is just as important.
 
Think of it this way: we sleep not for our body, but for our mind. Sleep is its sorting and filing time. As powerful as the human brain is, it turns out that connecting the internal dots takes a while. In an arena as complex as romance, where sexuality, family, morality, money and putting out the trash are involved, discovering how the newbie fits into your abstract internal life will take a few moons. Allow that to happen.

The takeaway: Time. Take some.


Allow For Upsides and Downsides

No-one's perfect. And no-one is perfect for you. Compromise is realistic. Finding the right person is about knowing what your absolute must-have's are, what the nice-to-have's are, and what doesn't matter. If you love dogs and couldn't imagine a life without them, don't contemplate someone who only likes cats. If you're happy dancing to Sinatra at home on a Saturday night, don't pretend a club-hound will suit you. Filtering is good; filtering is the essence of dating.

The takeaway: Prioritize your needs and desires.


Dates Need a Beginning and an End

Dating is an extended job interview, at least initially. Have you ever been to a thirty-minute job interview and ended up hanging out with the gang for the night? No, you haven't. So let's structure our dates in a similar fashion, with some concrete activity - even if it's simply meeting for coffee - and a specific end time, which you communicate to your date.

This will be as easy as:  

Great, let's have lunch, but I'll have to leave at 2:00 because I have an astrophysics tutorial to give.

And make sure you leave at 2:00.

Two thoughts on this. First, it tells the other person that you have a life; that finding the right person isn't the Holy Grail of your happiness. It removes any desperation factor (or the appearance of such.)

Secondly, you're giving both of you room to breathe, always a good plan.

The takeaway: Ending a date promptly might seem counter-intuitive. Give it a shot.



Bottoms Up, Dating Masterminds.