If you recorded a video of me in the heat of a disagreement with a woman, you'd likely see me more frustrated than angry. For every ten words she gets out - like pinpoint jabs to the solar plexus - I'd stammer out two or three. And she'd brush them off. That's the frustrating part, the fact that we seem to work in different weight classes, or even different fighting disciplines. She's a lithe and wiry Thai boxer, I'm Hulk Hogan.
That's the problem. Woman can chop men up with a few well-placed zingers before we've even realized were in a fight. When her blood's up, I'm still lacing my boots while she's already counting a points victory - which is the other half of the disappointment, because by the time I have my mouthguard in and gloves on, she's already having a warm-down massage. Game over. I lose.
So what's the deal here? The mismatch of verbal skill between us is vast to the point of unfairness. Guys generally can't connect response to mouth anywhere near as fast as the lady, leaving us pondering a point from three minutes ago that's already been lost. Not only is it a transmission problem, it's a speed of connection problem.
You'll note here that I'm probably an extreme case. Not only do I intensely dislike disagreements that are in the least bit emotional, I actively avoid them. On the other hand, I love verbal jousting without the heat ie: when nothing's at stake. When we're cool and operating under the same rules, it's fun. As a result, I don't have much practice with the kind of hot conflict that's inevitable in any kind of long-term relationship. In the end I imagine that's deeply unsatisfying to women.
The next time that you think a man's a strong, silent type, consider this: he's silent only because the words are slow to be spoken, not because they're not there.
Bottoms Up, Fighters.
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