Sex Before Marriage

Am I right in thinking that the distaste for pre-marital sex stems from Christian religious belief? Do any groups of agnostics, atheists, communists or other non-believers likewise implore the unmarried to abstain? And - forgive my ignorance - do Judaism, Buddhism, Shinto, Hinduism and Islam also teach that sex is a married person's activity only?

The arguments against sex before marriage are clear enough: sex is the physical act of making love, the result of which love is the miracle of a child, which child will require raising, for which the best institution is marriage, and marriage is a sacred union.

The arguments for SBM are similarly obvious: sex isn't always making love; modern contraceptives mean sex doesn't always result in a child; are we all naturally monogamous? for life?; sex is a big part of marriage, and buying without trying sets people up for misery or infidelity; sowing wild oats allows for stronger marriages and more mature people.

I'm sure you can add to both sides.

My interest lies not in changing the beliefs of either side. Having sex with someone in or out of marriage is a personal choice, a choice everyone must live with.

In my mind choosing no SBM is about abstinence, self-control, delayed gratification, belief, and life after death. It can also be about love.

In my mind, choosing SBM is about self-expression, freedom and feeling. It can also be about love.

The dilemma is that we can all identify with parts of both of these arguments. Therein lies my problem; the way this stuff is handled (at least publically) polarizes ideas about people when anyone with a brain can see both sides reflect different elements of being a human. Conflicting layers of understanding about ourselves and our place in the universe is a part of being us, and a better way to communicate this to our juveniles is worth pursuing.

In the same way I think our 'Sex Ed' is flawed [link] , so too is our approach to more complicated life decisions.

A bigger principle resides in this neighbourhood. Every freedom has a flip-side of responsibility, and every responsibility has a freedom. Problems arise when we see only freedoms, or only responsibilities.




Edited for clarity and spelling.

Cookie Swap!!

For the past year or two, I've said I run outside until it hits 30. When I laced up my shoes on Sunday NOAA said it was 16 degrees in Boston, 7 with the wind chill. My big mittens (and perhaps the sugar high) kept me warm until somewhere around mile 4, where my nose and knees told me to head in ;)

The stars of the afternoon!

But you didn't come here to hear how crazy I was the other night, you're here for the cookies!!! And boy did we have some amazing goodies! I was thrilled to have so many friends join me for an afternoon of fun and food. I offered up a few lighter, savory appetizers as everyone started to arrive and setup. I hope this will become an annual event ;)

The Savory Lineup
Salmon Mousse with pita crackers and cucumbers (I wouldn't recommend sub'ing fat-free greek yogurt for the sour cream in the recipe as I did, 2% might work but I haven't tried it)
Coconut Chai Almonds (followed this recipe using almonds instead of pecans, Zhea Gypsy's Coconut Chai Tea and left out the lemon zest)
Wholly Guacamole Salsa & Guacamole with chips
Mini Quiches w/Pear, Gorgonzola & Walnuts (this recipe needs work!)

Coconut Chai Almonds

The Sweet Lineup
Adrienne's Lime Meltaways (maybe this recipe?)
Bridget's Chocolate Orange Almond Macaroons
Elina's Espresso Crinkle Cookies
Kelly's Chocolate-Orange Cookie Dough Truffles
Kerstin's Peanut Butter Chubby Hubby Bars
Mary Kate's Black & White Cookies
Nicole's Lemon Almond Cranberry Crescents
Rebecca's Breakup Bars
(Shannon's) My Maple Toffee Bacon Oatmeal Cookies
Tina's Butterscotch Chocolate Chip Bars

Wholly Guacamole!

Just a few more notes...

I won the Wholly Guacamole products in a giveaway hosted by the Foodie Blogroll. They totally hooked me up (see all the goodies below), and we all loved the guac and spicy salsa!! The Squeeze of Lime Corazona chips they sent are also probably the best I've ever had of that variety! Thanks Jenn and Sylvia :)


And in case you aren't sick of cookies yet, thanks to Steph I participated in another Cookie Exchange. (what was I thinking?? I need to find my will power... I seemed to have lost it) I sent Nicole some Blueberry Lavender Butter Cookies and Crisp Salted Oatmeal White Chocolate Cookies. She graced me and my family with some amazing Chocolate Peppermint Cookies and Oatmeal Cran White Choc Cookies (recipes here). Thanks Nicole, they were thoroughly enjoyed!!

Absinthe Makes the Heart Beat Faster, Cheri

It's a romantic conceit, of course, a vision as imaginary as it is unobtainable. Living in a Parisian garret occasionally crosses my mind, devoting my hours to creating something lasting from words, and perhaps gaining a French lover or two along the way.

The aim is to find any place a couple of levels above the street, because I'm not sure about the supply of garrets. One big room would be best, with floor to ceiling windows, preferably with a view of something louche - the rear of a boudoir or the window of a rich man's pied-à-terre so I could write about the women coming and going.

My bed would be big and low. It would live in the style of a loft, half-way between the main floor and the ceiling. A short flight of stairs - a ladder, really - would give it the feeling of being the top bed of a set of bunks. The fun of watching women climbing up would be worth the small awkwardness.

The pace of the day would be strictly French. (Hopefully) morning sex upon waking. Coffee and croissant for le petit déjeuner, then writing. A little yoga around noon, followed by lunch with a friend. Wine, to loosen my Protestant mind. A little more writing.

With good planning, a lover would arrive around a cinq heures, to indulge that most sophisticated Parisian scene; the cinq à sept aka love in the afternoon. We'd share dinner, perhaps eating out, perhaps cooking for ourselves, all the while watching for goings-on across the street. Material for writing is what I'm here for, it's not a vacation. On weekends we might head out, to a wine bar or for some absinthe.

My heart grows fonder at the thought.




Miss Paris from here. [link]

Edited for greater pomposity.

Fun with bacon!

I'm hosting a cookie swap today, so while I'm waiting for everyone to arrive I thought I'd post the recipe I made. I've been wanting to play with bacon in a dessert for some time now, and I figured this was the perfect opportunity!


Everything's ready to go, so we'll see how everyone likes them!



Maple Toffee Oatmeal Cookies w/Bacon
adapted from Baking Bites
Yield ~24


1c white whole wheat flour (or WW pastry or AP flour)
1/2t cinnamon
1/2t baking soda
1/2t baking powder
1/4t salt
1 stick butter (I use Smart Balance 50/50 Omega sticks)
1/3c brown sugar (not packed)
1/3c maple syrup
1 egg
1c old-fashioned rolled oats
1/2c toffee bits
1/2c diced brown-sugar bacon (~5 slices, depending on the variety)

Preheat oven to 375.

Line baking sheet with foil (for easy clean up) and place a cooling rack on top of the foil. Place 5-6 strips of bacon on the rack. Sprinkle with 1-2T brown sugar and bake until bacon is crispy. Cool, then dice. You'll want ~1/2c for the cookies.

In a small bowl, stir together first 5 ingredients (flour through salt).

Cream together butter and sugar. When light and fluffy, add maple syrup and egg, then continue beating until well combined. With the mixer on low, slowly add in the flour mixture. Then add in oats, toffee and bacon and mix well.

Line a cookie sheet with parchment paper. Scoop cookies onto cookie sheet a few inches apart. Bake 8-12min, depending on the size (1T size cookies will take ~10min, larger cookies will take longer. Cool on a wire rack.

Novelty Slut

Are you a novelty slut?

In case you're unsure, this is how you'll know.

-> you think conventional wisdom is something your dentist deals with.

-> you understand airport fiction isn't a type of book, it's the security people.

-> reading a newspaper is for between mouthfuls of fish.

-> 'professional sport' is a joke without fencing.

-> you think even fencing is rigged.

-> hardback books are back because Kindle is already so last Christmas.

-> on a date, you've said: "Okay, I'm bored now."

-> travel to China beckons, but your heart lies in Prague.

-> you end up going to Montana.

-> the idea of meeting someone special sounds tedious.

-> friends can last forever, but

-> lovers should make you want to come again.

To her place or his, that is.






Pic from here. [link]

Reid Speed might be a Novelty Slut. [link]

Hat tip to Pink Squirrel for the idea.

Friday Fluffer - Foot Massage

I know of few greater pleasures a man can give to a woman than a foot massage. Memories of ex's eyes rolling back in their heads and coos of encouragement reinforce my understanding of this as a great form of foreplay.

Men know this, but few of us take the time out to make an event of it. It's my New Year Resolution: give more women foot massages.





And here is the definitive guide to the politics of massaging other men's wives' feet.









Photo from here. [link]

Depression

Suffering from some kind of post New Year blues reminds me how debilitating depression is in relationships. Real, diagnosed, clinical depression and its many variations I'm talking about, not the passing sub-par-ness everyone catches from time to time.

My experience with a bipolar woman caught me by surprise. She seemed normal, almost super-happy in the first weeks we dated, and I figured she was a winner. Later, I understood that her pendulum was at the manic end of things during that period. That explained her hyper-energy, extreme sociability and sexual aggression. Had I been better prepared, I would have recognized these behaviours for what they are. And I would have stayed away.

Heartless as it might seem, starting a relationship with a clinically depressed woman would be a bad move for me. Being generally of mild temperament and logical disposition, dealing with someone else's manic to depressive swings takes away all my energy. Because I find myself emotionally lost with someone ill with depression, my mental process suffers too, then my health. Ergo, failed relationship.

Not that I'm saying the depressed and the non-depressed can't get together. Of course they can. But it depends a lot on communication, with both people clearly understanding the way depression works. I think that plans made in advance of the extremes of behaviour help a lot, taking away much of the uncertainty for the non-depressive partner. Doctors and medication and therapy should be a part of those plans.

There are some big numbers thrown around describing the numbers of people affected. No doubt, it's a big problem. But it's not a problem that improves when another person is dragged down by second-hand depression. Knowing one's own limitations can save heartache beyond description.








Photo from here. [link]