Inevitably, when a relationship reaches a certain point, the idea of travelling somewhere together hauls itself into view. Travel is to relationships as derivatives trading is to your retirement account - when it works it's great, but when it doesn't, everything blows up.
Yes, I'm wary of the first-time trip. Having been through a few of these cycles, I'm acutely aware of their approach. I can smell impending mini-break from six weeks out, so attuned are my senses to the signals. Michigan deer in hunting season are less sensitive than I am to the sound of "romantic getaway" being Googled on my girlfriend's Galaxy. So good am I at sniffing "long weekend" in the air, that I can predict both the kind of travel she's contemplating AND the cost of room service once we get there.
And I can do this for any woman, once I've known her for a month. It's a gift.
The reason I'm skittish about travelling for the first time is the unpredictability factor. Travel can be exhausting, exasperating, boring, scary, disillusioning, intrusive, stressful and challenging. And that's just the ride to the airport. In day-to-day non-travel dating, we avoid almost all of the above reactions, so that if some unexpected emotions arise, there's always a way out - either party can just go home.
When you're away on a trip, that option is eliminated. You must deal with the moments as they occur, no matter what else is going on. The pressure here is that travel puts you at the whim of other people and a universe that delights in creating mazes for those far from home. Regular life is all about us controlling the environment, to steal a military term. Travel life is all about reacting to the environment, as well as to your companion.
My advice to men is to always be ahead of this curve. Don't wait until she suggests a weekend leaf-peeping in New Hampshire, or a mid-week tryst on South Beach. Make sure that you have a plan and pre-empt her ideas. When you figure she's on the verge of suggesting a trip, surprise her, and present it as a package that you have organized completely. She need do nothing but pack.
The reasons for doing this are many, but boil down to a couple of points. One, you must control the length of your travel. To start with, shorter is always better. Two, you must figure out a place that she will like, but that fits you. This really only applies to the first and perhaps second time away, because it will become clear very early in the process if she's a good traveller or not. Being in a place, doing things that you have had time to pre-think will make you less stressed. You are minimizing the unexpected. In turn, that will allow your lady to sense your mastery of this travel biz, and remain non-frazzled accordingly.
Which brings us to the important part. Because travel will face you both with having to figure out stuff without being able to run away, it's a great test. Even the most benign Saturday night away at a small hotel somewhere is a concentrated slice of a future life together. If there is a future with this woman, the way she handles everything from the TSA drone to the fact that she forgot her phone charger will tell you much about the real person behind the dating persona.
A good-humoured, calm travelling partner, I posit, will make a great life partner.
Bottoms Up, Caravanerais.
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