Pinball Wizard

We spend time thinking about the first date and we spend time imagining a relationship, so let's begin to fill the gap between those two points.

First dates receive attention for the obvious reason: it's officially the start of something, even if nobody knows what. They are shiny and exciting, like taking a new iPhone out of the box, turning it over in our hands, feeling its heft and texture. 

Second, third and fourth dates do not have that same sense of magic. A person can only be new once. However, the greatest satisfaction often comes with figuring out the features of that iPhone; ditto the qualities of the new person. (Calling them "features" takes the person-as-device idea too far, don't you think?)

Let's also consider that someone's first date might have come on a bad day for them. Or they might have been at the top of their game. Either way, it's an information point that only subsequent dates can put in perspective. If that person made an impression worthy of a second and third date, at least figure on them being different - better or worse - than the first time. No-one is ever exactly the same day after day.

Whenever I think of myself going on a date, I try to figure out how I will come across to her. I know my behaviour extremes, how good my company can be on my best day, and how bad my company can be on my worst. We all pinball within a mood and response range. The idea of my dating approach is to figure out if her mood and response range fits mine. It's that lock and key thing again.


I think this is the value of those first handful of times spent together. We all more become the person we really are, which then places that first date more accurately into the big picture. That's why a variety of venues, times and type of date is important. You're attempting to provoke a reaction in your prospective beau, creating a set of data points. Wow, that sounds mercenary when written like that. Still, it's true.
 
No-one said dating was for the timid.



Bottoms Up, Behavioural Scientists.