Showing posts with label cocks. Show all posts
Showing posts with label cocks. Show all posts

Monday, August 30, 2010

Horse Harrar




Women come in two types - the horsewoman, and the non-horsewoman.

Understandable, really, that some ladies find the equine superior to the sapien. Apart from the age-old attraction of 1,000 pounds of muscular flesh cantering between your spread thighs, there are more subtle appeals. A battle for a woman's heart fought between a man and a stallion would be closer than you expect. Don't underestimate the power of the quadruped, viz:

-> A horse, went not in use, is happy standing around eating grass. Easy maintenance.
-> A man, when not in use, is likely to find activities of which a g/f won't approve. Higher maintenance.

-> The horse can carry the woman many miles without complaint.
-> The man can carry the woman over the threshold (if he does even that.)

-> Horses like to be ridden hard and put away wet.
-> Men like to ride their g/f hard and make her wet. (This should work in the man's favour.)

-> Horses don't have opinions, nor do they answer back snappishly.
-> Men have opinions and will tell you what they are, snappishly or otherwise.

-> Horses want to be told what to do.
-> Men want to tell you what to do.

-> Horses have huge, thick, long dicks.
-> Men read books.

-> Horses don't mind having a woman on their back, then being asked to perform tricks.
-> When men have women metaphorically on their backs, we don't like it at all.

A cool examination of my list tells me that men win this race, but only by a short half-head.



Bottoms Up, Equestriennes!

Thursday, June 3, 2010

The Boner Gap



An awkward few seconds lurk in the space between knowing she's ready and crossing the moat. The preparatory work is done, according to the following checklist:

A. Girl nearby.

B. Aroused girl nearby.

C. At least partially naked girl nearby.

(Note: These first three points might be the same girl, or three, YMMV.)

D. Boner. (Your own.)

E. Condom.



Okay, now to connect your erect penis with the willing pussy. Time to bust out the condom.

Quickly now, the clock's running.

Another checklist:

A. Locate condom.

B. Tear open condom packet.

C. Retrieve that sucker from the packet.

D. Make sure you avoid the inside-out error.

E. Roll condom on penis.

F. Fully unfurl said prophylactic.

G. Insert properly outfitted manhood into luscious love trench.



What's the timing on that? Should we say between ten and thirty seconds?

We need a name for that gap. My suggestions include:

The Boner Gap.

The Keep it Up Interregnum.

Don't Let me Down, Dude, Gap.

Say Flaccid and I'll Kill You Gap.

The Why Hasn't Condom Packaging Improved in 100 Years Gap.

The How Bad Would a Baby Be Anyway? Gap.






Bottoms Up, Condomistas!


Pic of pigtailed aweseomeness from here [link]

Hat-tip to Snaf for the inspiration.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Friday Fluffer - Soy Jism



Local television news rocks. If it weren't for the FCC these shows would instantly turn porno. My fellow Aussie, Mr Murdoch, employed NYC hottie Rosanna Scotto with this in mind. Cocks and cum are on her mind. Good girl.

You will not regret reading and watching this Gothamist SFW [link].

Or watch here if you're inclined.





Bottoms Up, Vegans!




Pic of Rosanna covered in white from here [link]