Groupon

Before too long, we won't refer to people as:

This is Amelia - she's from my book club.

It'll be all:

Let me introduce Suzette - we're members of the same swingers' group.

Which has benefits. Instead of ploughing through insufferable Oprah-approved tomes of PC claptrap, we'll be talking about...how that broad likes being ploughed wheelbarrow-style, how that one likes a little suffocation, and how to deal with The Clap. In a mutually supportive and compassionate way, of course. 

Swingers, too, want to make a difference. Or, more accurately, want someone different - a lot of someones different. It's all the same, though, right?

Be careful, however. Not everyone is hip to group sex as the new social networking. Pity Deborah Sherman, who lost her gig with a Denver television station. As the Denver Post delicately asked:

Did her termination have something to do with the story about a prescription-abusing doctor, whom Sherman met on a swinger website? 

Titanic. Debster's been unfairly victimized here, but I sense there's more to the story. Work for an investigative journalist perhaps?



Bottoms Up, Bottoms Uppers.

Passion Consultant

Monday night was my first encounter with a Passion Consultant. This might, at first blush, appear to be a godsend, because life's notably lacking in passion at the moment. Had I been more quick on the uptake, Miss PC could have answered a few queries rattling around my head, but I was more interested in looking down her girlfriend's top.

It's a lost opportunity, but I still have her business card.

The card says to "Call today to get started on your new career as a Passion Consultant."

And why not? I've worked with business consultants, been screwed by tax consultants and had my lawn cut by gardening "consultants". None of these people knew what they were doing, so consulting about passion shouldn't be any different. Defining what consultants do is an imprecise exercise at best, so I can make the job anything I want.

Basically I want my own business cards that say:

Wombat
Passion Consultant.

If I act like I'm an expert, someone's bound to want to try me out. I believe in learning on the job.





Bottoms Up, Amorous Ones!




Pic from the OhMiBod Blog [link]

Jealousy

No question, I suffer from jealousy. Whether it is because of fear - of loss or abandonment - or something more egoic like humiliation, it's not good.

~ In jealousy there is more self-love than love. François, Duc de La Rochefoucauld, Maxims, 1665

At least in my understanding. One clear factor I discovered yesterday was that there is another view, which is that jealousy in a relationship can cure the glue; it can actually make the relationship.

~ Never waste jealousy on a real man: it is the imaginary man that supplants us all in the long run. George Bernard Shaw

I am a fan of detachment in life, or cool engagement as a friend characterizes it. Working on consciously distinguishing between emotion and what's really going on helps give me perspective. And yet jealousy withstands all assaults. Mine is un-tame-able.

~ Jealousy is no more than feeling alone against smiling enemies. Elizabeth Bowen

What is it about jealousy that incites people to "...rip out the other chick's eyes..."? Why do normally calm people react with protective and offensive violence?

~ I've spent most of my life walking under that hovering cloud, jealousy, whose acid raindrops blurred my vision and burned holes in my heart. Astrid Alauda

Should I work towards defusing all my hot-headed irrational reactions, or does jealousy serve me in some unseen way? It's a mystery to me.

~ Jealousy is the dragon in paradise; the hell of heaven; and the most bitter of the emotions because associated with the sweetest. A.R. Orage

Suburban Swingers

This carnal mind of mine is stuck on the swingers I met on Saturday night - you know, the suburban couples where every wife has enhanced boobs. I can't help wondering what came first, the swinging, or the plastic surgery. Is the swinging scene like Hollywood redux, where everyone tries to make it big (ahem) any way they can?

One step back. Yesterday I asked a friend if he knew these folks. He nodded, slowly, and moved closer.

You know they're into that swinging shit, he whispered, eyes widening.

So my suspicions were confirmed. The four couples in consecutive houses in a boring suburban development in Florida have sex with each other. Frankly, what else is there to do? Taunt the alligators? Hunt down and shoot Jimmy Buffett? Try to sell your chronically upside-down residence? They're all stuck between swamp and mortgage payment, looking for any kind of distraction from the heat.

For me, the disconnect lies in the juxtaposition between mowing the lawn and watching your wife blow Bob, the neighbour. My guess is that they have designated times, like last Saturday, when everyone agrees to do everyone else. But I can't help but think it can't be that easy. Jealousy is bound to appear at some point, because, as we all know, jealousy hides in the same places you'll find herpes.

Finding two people who can get along most of the time is difficult enough, but having a team do the same whilst naked smacks of the biblical. Requiring a miracle, I mean, not that the bible is full of orgies...or maybe it is, and that's how it works.

Here's another way.