Which would you prefer: pay twenty dollars for a new book that looks okay, or go on a date with a person who looks okay?
Online dating profiles share much in common with the novels in your favourite bookstore. There's no knowing what's actually behind the glossy dust-jacket, other than the blurb on the back or a few dubious online reviews. [Talking about books here :-) ]The author might hit your magic intellectual spot, or maybe not. Familiarity is the reason we return to books by the same writer once we know they're to our taste. (And as I think of it, this applies to people we date too.)
If you want to know whether the book by an unknown writer is to your taste, you're obliged to buy the damned thing. And so it is with dating. To discover what lies beyond the dopey profile of that spunky online hottie, you have to step out in public with the individual. At least once. Email, phone calls and IM work to a point, but everyone behaves like their own PR firm for as long as they can. Spinning ourselves in a favourable fashion is what we do.
Dispiriting, no? The twenty (or more) you pay to buy the book is down the drain if it turns out to be a snooze. At least if you go on the date you have a story to tell. But just how many first dates can one person take before they become more jaded than Chinese costume jewelry?
Which is why I propose a different approach to online profiles. Instead of all the argle-bargle generalizations and boilerplate, try to focus as closely as possible on one aspect of your life. Describe your ideal Sunday morning, for instance. Relate a little story about the way you like your coffee. Or outline the best hour of vacation you've ever had - yes, hour. The whole idea is to escape the realm of the big-picture BS and wind the lens down to find the smallest objects in our lives.
My thesis is that we communicate more by describing how we feel about ONE footstep on the beach than all the hot air about walking on the beach in general. Pina Coladas and getting caught in the rain are optional.
Bottoms Up, Caribbean Lovers.
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