Online Dating Profiles: A Different View

Which would you prefer: pay twenty dollars for a new book that looks okay, or go on a date with a person who looks okay?

Online dating profiles share much in common with the novels in your favourite bookstore. There's no knowing what's actually behind the glossy dust-jacket, other than the blurb on the back or a few dubious online reviews. [Talking about books here :-) ]The author might hit your magic intellectual spot, or maybe not. Familiarity is the reason we return to books by the same writer once we know they're to our taste. (And as I think of it, this applies to people we date too.)

If you want to know whether the book by an unknown writer is to your taste, you're obliged to buy the damned thing. And so it is with dating. To discover what lies beyond the dopey profile of that spunky online hottie, you have to step out in public with the individual. At least once. Email, phone calls and IM work to a point, but everyone behaves like their own PR firm for as long as they can. Spinning ourselves in a favourable fashion is what we do.

Dispiriting, no? The twenty (or more) you pay to buy the book is down the drain if it turns out to be a snooze. At least if you go on the date you have a story to tell. But just how many first dates can one person take before they become more jaded than Chinese costume jewelry?

Which is why I propose a different approach to online profiles. Instead of all the argle-bargle generalizations and boilerplate, try to focus as closely as possible on one aspect of your life. Describe your ideal Sunday morning, for instance. Relate a little story about the way you like your coffee. Or outline the best hour of vacation you've ever had - yes, hour. The whole idea is to escape the realm of the big-picture BS and wind the lens down to find the smallest objects in our lives.

My thesis is that we communicate more by describing how we feel about ONE footstep on the beach than all the hot air about walking on the beach in general. Pina Coladas and getting caught in the rain are optional.



Bottoms Up, Caribbean Lovers.

Who Is This Girl Next Door?

A cursory glance at some online dating profiles - the generalist sites, not those catering to, ahem, specialist tastes - shows that many women self-describe as "the girl next door".

Clearly, none of their childhoods were blessed with the Stannaford family as neighbors. Tanya and Lindy were...how shall I put this...adventuresome, and I don't mean in the building a tree-house sense. Tanya was my age, Lindy a few years older, and they were both scary in that way that wordly girls intimidate innocent young boys. For a start, they had bodies with curves, and boyfriends with attitude. They were fascinating and mystifying in equal measure. I spent a lot of time pondering them.

But I can only realistically assume that my model of girls next door is the exception. The mature woman of today looking for a date online obviously believes men are attracted to the memory of someone from their own childhood. Thought of like that, there's a not altogether wholesome infantilist tone to all this. What mental image are these women trying to send to attract men? Do they think we're looking for the playmate from twenty years ago all grown up and now with makeup and stockings?

I think I've inadvertently struck upon the magic word here, which is 'wholesome'. The archetypal GND is a wholesome gal who understands your background and the culture that raised you. You'll be able to connect on a familiar level, and talk a common language. Or, if you get lucky, you'll find Lindy Stannaford and have a really good time.


Bottoms Up, Neighbors.