Sex After Marriage

One big - BIG! - advantage of marriage is the prospect of regular uninhibited sex with someone you know and adore. It's gotta be high on the list of reasons to get and stay hitched, right?

Well, I guess that's true of some couples, but I have a nagging suspicion that the tide of everyday trivia creeps up on lots of married folks. That initial joyous, lusty bonking gradually gets pushed out of the car and the laundry, back to the bedroom and eventually into the clothes hamper. How depressing. It must take a concerted effort to a) recognize the diminished state of such a sex life, and b) turn it around.

Part of the beauty of being committed to someone - sexually, and every other way - is the trust. I often wonder just how much married folks trust their partner with every innermost thought, especially their sexy fantasies and every other kind of erotic mind curiosity. No doubt there's editing of the stuff you think might turn him or her off, but that hopefully gives way to full and ardent disclosure. Again, I'm pretty certain that doesn't happen.

Wouldn't it be great if the marriage vows included an agreement to thoroughly explore each others' sexuality? It would be stated right up front, in the same breathe as honoring, cherishing and til death us do part, and so become part of the public announcement of the union. If someone does this at their wedding, I'd love to know the reaction.

I'm serious. I think a permanent part of marriage should be the conscious working towards the edges of you and your spouse's sex landscape, like Captain Cook sailing around the world to discover Australia. He didn't know exactly what was there, but had an inkling...and it wasn't like anything he'd seen before. Just as couples have date night and finance night and family night, they should (IMO) have a sex exploration night.

Think of it as drawing a deep map of your psyche you can use forever more for your pleasure.

We're all different, and there's no way to be taught any of this; we just have to go experience it. My point is that by bringing thoughts, likes, dislikes, desires and fears out into the light, you'll gain valuable understanding of yourself and the person in this world closest to you.

That's gotta be worth a shot.



 

Bottoms Up, Carnal Explorers.