Let's get down to business here and clear away the bee-ess. The world is divided into shoe-lovers and non-shoe-lovers. It can't be stated more clearly.
Here I'm referring mostly to women's shoes. Ladies, forget all the lists of stuff you are looking for in a man. Have just one requirement: the ideal bloke has spent at least ten minutes in the last week daydreaming about you in your sexiest heels. That's it! The guy who adores your feet in delicious footware will end up fulfilling every other need. Shoe-awareness is the killer dating app.
But I don't want to talk about ladies' shoes today, as much as that would give me pleasure. It's the guys who really need the help, because, like it or not, your footwear sends a powerful message - a truth most women inherently understand.
So, men, before you heading out on a date, do a little planning. Yes, I understand that most of us will dress without any forethought. We'll probably wear something that's clean and casual, jeans most likely with some kind of shirt. Most of us will avoid wife-beaters, with the overt and covert messages they send. Big-city dwellers might wear a suit; that's always good. My rule of thumb is that it's always better to err up than down, but be prepared to get some looks in Florida if you sport that Brioni three-piece in the Manatee Lounge.
Then we'll choose our date night shoes. That's where we need to get religion. Firstly, never, ever - and I mean never - wear trainers/tennis shoes on a date. They shout "foot odour" and will kill your date's nascent interest. Secondly, never take flops on a date. Ditto sandals. Feet are not equal-opportunity limbs; women's feet are the winners, and are the only kind to be seen naked in public. Keep your plates of meat hidden. Thirdly, cowboy boots are only for cowboys. If you try to pull that off, you look like you're trying too hard. All hat, no cattle, as the saying goes. Fourthly, whatever shoes you do choose, make sure the heels aren't worn down, the soles are in good repair and that they're clean and polished.
Now to the finer points. Men's shoes come in two basic varieties, lace-ups and slip-ons aka: brothel creepers. Lace-ups are always the first choice. They work well with any kind of trouser, jean or suit pant. With a little polish, they provide the - and this is important, because it's what women notice - accessorizing advantage. Quality, slightly formal shoes buff your image with the hint of luxury that women notice.
By the way, that's a word smart men understand that women live for: accessorizing.
Slip-ons can work, but you need to be careful. Those bronze-coloured alligator numbers you thought were so cool from that weekend in New Orleans will look odd in Minneapolis in March. And slip-ons don't encourage the good posture that well-made shoes naturally engender.
Here's the bottom line. Guys should always have at least one pair of quality dress shoes, kept in excellent repair. I prefer the more conservative English style, but of course the Italians win the sex-appeal stakes.
Bottoms Up, Shoe-istas.
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