Holes in Socks

Manliness is many things. The many things include knowing how to repair a balky carburettor, the ability to distinguish cows from bulls, and panache when stringing a tennis racquet. Others don't necessarily see it this way, but eventually everyone comes to understand that the quality "Man" doesn't reside in your trousers.

Which is a nice segue into the problem with men and trousers, and our clothing items in general. We have favourites. Yes, I know it's progressive and compassionate not to discriminate, but the fact remains that all guys pick winners among their wardrobe.

I, for instance, own many shirts, but the one closest to my heart is a putty-coloured camp shirt. It just feels so right, and I know that I will wear it way beyond the point at which it should be a car-wash de-greasing rag. Way beyond.

This is a common thread thread in most men's lives. Once we find the perfect pair of jeans, we'll wear them until they're more hole than denim. Socks, the same. Underduds, the same. We simply cannot bring ourselves to toss out perfectly serviceable garments (oh, and shoes, too) in favour of new stuff.

We like our friends, and mistrust strangers. It's part of being a man.


Bottoms up, fashionistas.





Pic from here [link]

Disparate desires

What to do with a mind full of disparate desires? Every day we need to decide for one thing and against another. Some days we'll make lots of choices; on others, very few. A lot of the time we don't even know we're making a decision.

When the big forks in the road arrive, I find myself more aware of the one door opening/one door closing metaphor. Confusion is not the right word, because I understand that this is a universe built to favour Boolean logic - if this happens, then that cannot happen (at least not right then.) It's more like I am eternally quizzical at the fractional dimensions of our minds. And yet despite that logical detachment I never get any closer to an answer.

Inclusion, exclusion; success, failure; 1 or zero. I get it. But that doesn't make the process easier.


I want:

To travel, and stay at home.

To be attached, but independent.

To be true to myself, and still not offend everybody.

To climb mountains and swim at the beach.

To say what I think, but not create foes.

To be alone, and to be with.

To keep it real dude, and make it big.

To avoid ego, and still be the man.



You see the dilemma.

Alpha Male-doom

If Alpha males are defined as the leaders, where does that leave the rest of us?

Alphadom in primates and humans is about having the most opportunities at reproduction for yourself, and minimizing those of all other males. There is evidence from the chimpanzee world that Alphas are less aggressive in keeping related males away from the babes than they are with unrelated competitors. That tells us it's all about the genetics, passing along as much of your DNA as possible, as well as the very similar DNA of your brothers and cousins.

In short, Alphas are Alphas because they want, and get, more babies.

In our world matters are more subtle. The reason we aren't like the chimps is because we have complex language. That has, in turn (or coincidentally, depending upon who you read) allowed us to stop being foragers and settle in increasingly abstract communities, starting with multiple family groups, and ending with Calcutta.

Important point: the reason we can live in cities without the Alphas taking us back to the law of the jungle is because language allows males to work together for the good of the society. One way of imagining this is to think of chimps as having a really steep sex-power gradient between the most powerful Alpha and the lowliest male. In human co-operative societies, that gradient is significantly flattened; the lowest male still has a decent shot at reproduction, and won't likely be cock-blocked by the local Alpha.

So in western societies in particular, we're all Alphas now if you define your 'world' closely enough. In a family of man, woman, and immature children, the identity of the Alpha male is obvious. But how useful is it for this regular guy to think and behave like the biologically defined Alpha?

I contend it's time for a new paradigm, a new way for guys to be Alpha-ish without the conflict and aggression of the animal Alpha that lives in our DNA. I think it can be done.

On your knees, bitch.

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.