Never Look a Gift Babe in the Brain

Mr Nights' comment yesterday neatly captured one segment of men's response to women.

Never look a gift babe in the brain translated means if she's willing to have sex, the conversation won't matter. So we don't worry about it.

Compartmentalization rules. Women will fall into a few obvious categories, with some variation from man to man. Women will be:

-> for sex and sex-related activities if it's clear that's what they want.

-> for company and conversation if they mesh with our intellectual/physical interests.

-> for fun and amusement if our senses of humour are compatible.

-> for marriage and procreation if our spirits are synchronous.

Overlaps occur; think of them as interconnecting doors between compartments.

In a perfect world one woman would fulfill all of our needs, or, to complete the metaphor, fill all our compartments.

I have a half-formed idea that we can have sex with all of the woman-types, but that might be because I'm tired. We probably even attempt relationships (longer than a few shags) with one-compartment women, with predictable results. These are doomed.

Realistically, a decent level of all four compatibilities should be the minimum for an attempt at something serious. Figuring out that kind of thing takes time...and really, who has the patience for that stuff thesedays?





Bottoms Up, Compartmentalists!

First Date Mistakes

I am so stupid. For the longest time my automatic suggestion for a first date was dinner. Why, why, why? It is the worst possible way to start.

:holds head in hands:

A dinner is the wrong choice for the following reasons:

~ Dinner is too formal, even at an informal restaurant.

~ Dinner with a (probably) complete stranger is odd no matter what your intention.

~ Dinner assumes you and/or your date will want to stay for more than ten minutes.

~ Dinner highlights sometimes nasty biological necessities. Chewing, for instance.

~ Dinner makes a relationship statement before you have written a script.

~ Dinner involves problematic clothing choices (particularly for women).

~ Dinner requires investment beyond that which the fundamentals require.

~ Dinner is a performance which impedes natural interaction.

~ Dinner raises the question of 'Who Pays?'

~ Dinner as a first date doesn't allow for enjoyment of the food.



In short it's too much, too soon. Too many moving parts all resting on.....nothing.

Someone slap me, please.

Ten Dates, Ten Days, Ten Kisses, Whatever

A little history. Years ago I posited the idea that we should delay fist sex (whoops, Freudian slip, FIRST sex, although beginning with that other way would be awesome.....where was I?) to prevent our hormones running away with our lives. As Maryanne says, chemistry is not love.

Pretty boring stuff, but here it is:

Ten Date Rule Part One.

Ten Date Rule Part Two.

At the time, the second installment created a shitstorm in comments (some of which are sadly deleted, narcissism at work) because I referred to oxytocin. I dared to suggest that women are more susceptible to this hormone, and that its power might overwhelm their best interests in the long-term. The gall.

My motivation for all this argy-bargy was to hint that delayed gratification might save lots of heartache.

The idea of ten dates being the magic number is risible, of course. Everyone is different. The point was to open up discussion about some general realities of the way men and women behave around the early stages of getting-to-know-you. The point I'm trying to describe is when a man's ardency (word?) is modified by noticing that the woman is a person too. It might be at the first date, and it might never happen. Only you will be able to tell.

People still laugh at the concept, which is fine. I wish there was a catchier title than 'Ten Date Rule' - something like 'early sex might lead to a sex-only based relationship' or 'when he calls to simply chat without conditions you're good' capture the meaning, but not the spirit.

Happily there are no relationship police, because we're all self-policing. Which really works a treat.



Picture from here.