End-Play

There are no straight lines in nature, which goes a long way towards explaining the female rump.

There used to be additional text in Genesis:

...and on the tenth day, He created lady rear-ends, and seeing that they were beautiful, named them buttocks...

...but scholars figured a seven-day work-week was sufficient for the the Almighty, and, anyway, the ethereal quality of these things was self-evident. So they dropped their creation from the text. Pity, really, because I feel it gives things a more recognizable character.

I bet you aren't aware that history is full of other, less grand stories testifying as to the way we men adore the curve of you ladies' backsides. You know the Mona Lisa? She's the one stuck in Le Louvre with 157,000 of her closest friends gawping at her every day. What's not well known is that Leonardo da Vinci originally wanted to paint a picture of her buttocks. She demurred, however, and said that she'd smile enigmatically and guarantee interest in the portrait for centuries if he captured her face instead.

I have it on good authority that her inspiring happy look came about when the painter gently caressed her bottom...

...Oh, Leo, you forward thing you. What a nice touch you have...mmmmm, just there...

...at which point he said

HOLD IT! That' perfect! Just the look I want!...

...neatly explaining why she looks that peculiar way.

Womens' buttocks are, clearly, the work of the divine. The curves are not of this paltry material world, giving many of us reason to spend our lives devoted to their admiration. Some guys will tell you they rank other aspects of feminine form higher, but in the end, we're all quiet lovers of your reverse.




Bottoms Up, Bottoms Lovers!

Wake Up and Make Love to Me

I should have learned more at the feet of the master.

A housemate from my youth had the whole thing wired. He had carefully figured strategy, kept mental catalogues of tactics, and knew how to close. Never, men, underestimate the power of a good close. This guy had so woven the chasing and conquest of women into his life that a trip to the post office was, for him, as ripe with opportunity as a Friday night at our local meat-market.

It's important to note that he created his...what shall we call it?...art, around who he was. Artifice and posturing were kept to a minimum so that at times of stress, he didn't need to remember what to say. Everything flowed naturally from his personality.

Mind you, the smooth and successful end result required a lot of practice and discipline. Repetition and habit, he always said, were the key. Just do the same stuff over and over, so that when the babe for whom that shit works finds herself standing next to you, she is powerless.

One morning, I was having coffee when one of his ladies rushed downstairs and out the front door.

Morning Wombat!

Morning Kimbo!

She wore a big grin.

Later I asked my buddy why they were all so chipper when they left.

"Oh, that's easy," he replied. "From the very first night they stay, I insist on having a morning meeting with them."

You mean you boff them in the morning?

"Right. But I make a game of it, with a little role-play. They play minute-taker for the meeting, and I'm the chair." 

 He smirked.

I must have looked quizzical. He looked disappointed in me.

"The key is that she has to take the 'minutes' on the bed. That naturally puts her butt in the air. We avoid the whole morning breath thing, we don't have to look at each other after a big night, and she gets to call it her morning meeting rather than dawnbuster or some such."

"Once is enough. Then they're hooked. They often wake me up and say it's time for their morning meeting." 

"Plus, if they're late to work, they can simply say Sorry, there was a morning meeting I had to take."









 Bottoms Up, Stenographers.

Butt me no Buts.

Dr Sadie Allison

Going to college will never be the same. It might not be Ivy League, but the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality sounds like a mighty fine place for anyone to take a few classes, let alone achieve a full Doctorate. One wonders what original research remains after thousands of years of practical application by everyone who ever lived, but it sure as hell would be fun finding out.


Such musings are for another day, because I want to introduce the latest work by a graduate of the IASHS, Dr Sadie Allison. Her book is called "Tickle my Tush" and it's subtitled "Mild-to-Wild Analplay Adventures for Everybooty." My copy was sent to me free.

Firstly, let me say that some of my most memorable sex and orgasm highlights stem from the time I spent with a woman who knew her male anatomy. She was fearless (and determined) in figuring out how to get to both of our pleasure centres, both mind-based and body-based. What set her apart from lots of women was her understanding of the prostate, what Dr Sadie cleverly calls "The He-Spot."

Here's the thing: the He-Spot is best accessed via one's anus, a concept loaded with pre-conceptions, stereotypes, misunderstandings and multiple other psycho-anatomical baggage. Indeed, it took me a while to relax into the idea that the arse, in this context, is just an access point, no more, no less. The point is: WOW, the H-Bomb-Quality orgasms left one radioactive for days. You rapidly overcome any reticence when your universe explodes like that.

Then there were her orgasms, which looked and felt similarly thermonuclear. All that from a little bit of self-knowledge anal-wise (and a willing student.)

Secondly, it is unusual how well edited and constructed this book is. Many of the (surprisingly numerous) books I receive to review don't even make it to a blog post draft - if the author and editor cannot, for instance, complete a table of contents with accurate page numbers, or maintain a consistent tense, or understand possessive apostrophes...then I can't be bothered either.

So. This book is thoughtfully and consistently laid-out, beginning at the middle, proceeding logically to the end. That's refreshing.

Thirdly, I'm just gonna say it - this is a great read. As our good Doctor suggests, I would take it to bed with my sig. oth. and read it with her both for the fun and the education. There's no cuteness here, just simple ideas and instruction wrapped in an attitude of telling it like it is. The tone is a model of neither talking up nor down to the reader. It's a straight-gazed effort at a sometimes tricky topic.

For anal newbies and wannabes or experienced operators, this is a concise commonsense reference to keep you safe, happy and orgasmic.





Bottoms Up, Choccy Starfishes.