Yes, it's calculating, but planning our first few dates will reward us.
If the aim is to create positive energy around yourself, we need to think about what will engender the best
and the worst feeling towards us in, say, the first ten dates, and avoid the downside traps. Eating is a natural date focus, so let's start there.
What turns people off? Some answers are obvious: BO, nose-picking, lack of eye contact, talking over the talker, snaggly fingernails. These are general no-nos, but each kind of date has specific dangers. Where food is involved, turn-offs include inappropriate or awkward utensil usage, sloppy plate technique, chewing/talking with mouth full, burping, having food lodge between teeth etc. You can add to this list.
Now I'm not saying that any of these things will kill a budding relationship, only that, on average, they're best avoided. What we're doing here is eliminating the possibility of small errors by careful choice of venue.
Some specific examples:
Sushi:A popular date choice, because it implies sophistication and worldliness. WARNING: Unless you're a certified chopsticks professional, be careful. All the good work done in choosing the restaurant and knowing that in Japan one always pours drinks for the other person and never for oneself can be undone with the loss of a fatty tuna down your shirt.
French: Another interesting foodie-type choice, if that's your bent. Your date will be impressed, but not if you eat all seventeen courses. You might have to let your belt out a notch (unattractive). Another problem is that you'll look like a prat if you attempt to bluff the waiter, especially if they're French. Haughtiness and cutting customers down to size is a specialty of the Frogs. Ruining your date here is best avoided.
Mongolian BBQ:Ummm, yeah. No. Never take a woman to anything with "Mongolian" in the name. Until you've been married twenty years. Even then, think verrrrrrrrry carefully.
Tapas:Tapas has a number of advantages for a date. One is that the many plates keep up the interest factor. Second is that the timing is flexible - you needn't stay longer than you want. A third is the bite-size portions are neat and unspillable. Fourth, the drinks will cater to almost any taste. All-in-all, a Tapas place is a good date choice.
Pastry/Coffee:Ostensibly an easy choice, there are problems with the coffee-shop date. Should you eat your muffin with a fork, or with your fingers? Do you scoop the crumbs? What to do when the only seats available are right next to the 'homeless' bum who spends all day sitting with one small black coffee cruising porn on the free wi-fi and eavesdropping on conversations between new daters? Ugh.
High-End Steakhouse:This is a low-risk (if pricey) option. Downside possibilities are meat caught between teeth, choosing an inappropriate wine (and having the wait staff snicker) and running out of money. But the more formal atmosphere can be a nice change, creating ladies and gentlemen of us. Sitting up straight and looking one another in the eye can lead to good things.
Breakfast:I like breakfast dates. You and your date choose exactly what you need, so the food isn't an issue. There's coffee involved, which is always a bonus. And everyone feels happier after breaking one's night-time fast. Usually there will be a neat end to the date, or not, depending on the day of the week. That works.
You get the picture. These examples show my own biases, but with a little forethought, you'll be able to figure out your own.
Planning - the key to a better first ten dates.
Edit:
Oh, puhlease. Never. Bottoms Up, Date Architects.
