How Good Is Your Meetability?

Meetability is my word for the combination of all your attractive qualities multiplied by how well you project them.

There are two kinds of Meetability:

Passive Meetability is the vibe you show the universe as an everyday matter, when you're not consciously trying to meet people.

Active Meetability is the style in which you actively engage folks, the interactive qualities you communicate to others.

The point of me pointing out Meetability is that you might be the most beautiful, gracious, thoughtful, sweet, loyal and good-humoured person in the world...but it all means zero if you can't find a way to get that message to others. And although I haven't given this acres of thought, I have an inkling that simple self-awareness of your Meetability level at any point will make a difference.

An example: When you're in that coffee line in the morning, take a small inward look. Are you dressed attractively? Groomed the way you like? Standing upright? Smiling? Thinking positively about the day ahead?

Picture yourself from the aspect of the people ahead and behind you in line. Would YOU like to talk to you? That's your Passive Meetability.

Now, if you decide to say "Good morning" to the person ahead of you in line, your Active Meetability will come to the fore. People naturally react well to eye-contact, calmness, and the ability to engage without distraction. When you say "Good morning", mean it, and then listen for the response. Meetability is about not just going through the motions.

Note: Don't think we have to apply some kind of universal standard here. If your idea of good grooming and sartorial splendor is post-work-out funk and an orangutan suit, that's cool. Meetability is whatever you decide is putting your best forward. You'll attract what you will. Artifice doesn't work in the long run.




Bottoms Up, Detached Self-Analyzers.

Love Matador

 Paz Vega photo credit.

The PUA community is fully aware of the value of dressing to impress. Overdressing, actually, with the aim of making themselves the centre of attention. Peacocking they call it.

Grabbing and maintaining a woman's eye is the aim, and a quirky or bright outfit will help. The theory is that once you set yourself apart from the shlubs in flops and cargo pants, bedding a woman is then a matter of time.

The lads are probably right.

In Florida, where I live, a man in a long-sleeved shirt creates a stir. If he's in a business suit with necktie and polished shoes, the local television news sends an outside broadcast unit. Of course the climate mitigates against much more than shorts and a flamingo-print shirt, but still; we're a state of slobs.

So I have a vision, thanks to Katherina. The most colourful and distinctive male outfit I can think of is that of the matador. I'm SO tempted to dress myself as a torero - accessorized with hat and blood-red cape - and go about my day. In the morning I'd take my espresso, go to the bank and pump some gas. In the afternoon, naturally, a siesta. And then at then at cocktail hour I'd head to my favourite bar trailing a line of swooning females.

I'd be like a Bullfighting Pied Piper.





Bottoms Up, Picadors.

Wingmaniac

Thinking you're a good Wingman and exhibiting good Wingman skills aren't the same thing. A useful Wingman should...well, just what constitutes a good Wingman?


A competent Wingman or Wingwoman should:

-> Act in the interests of the Leader at all times

-> Put themselves second in the pursuit of a mate (deferring to the Leader)

-> Do whatever works in attracting likely love interests (for the Leader)

-> Give honest and accurate feedback to the Leader

Wingmanship is all about unselfishness and reflecting of one's ability to attract (however small) back onto the other guy. It's like being a birdfeeder next to a cat's hiding place. Here birdie, look at the tasty sunflower seeds.

But when my Leader said the following, he needed to hear the truth:

Okay, Wombat. When Stephanie comes in, I want you to find a way to let her know that I'm interested, but I need to know she's not just being touchy-feely, and really wants to be touchy-feely.

Hmmm. This sounds bad. Male uncertainty resolves only rarely in his favour. And, as expected, Stephanie arrived in a wave of perfume and hugs...for everyone. She did reserve special attention for my Leader, but the energy shouted "amused interest" rather than "take me now". Although I have to say there was a spark of something there, to which my buddy had assigned sexual possibility.




So I invoked Wingman's Responsibility #4. He needed to know that while Steph was certainly worthy of his exploration, the green lights he saw where faux. His instinct was telling him this, hence my involvement.


When she's really interested, you'll be in no doubt, I advised. Oh. And when she's over her ex. 






Bottoms Up, Wingpeople.

I Nailed Her

Hazel pic credit.

English gives us so many ways. We can fuck her, shag her, give her one, bonk her, boink her, make her day, give her wotfer.

There's hiding the sausage, boffing, humping, screwing, boning, driving the pink bus home and, simply, making love.

One euphemism I'm not so sure of is nailing her. Nailing her has overtones of carpentry, an odd juxtaposition of trade and, well, rough trade.

Nailing a woman is a conquest. Domination - of the hammer over the nail - is the name of the game, in the same way that attaching two pieces of wood together demonstrates domination of man over lumber.

Unfair a generalization it might be, but whenever I hear a guy boasting that he nailed a dame...I wonder if the dame knows the affair is over. Do men ever re-visit a driven nail?

Nailing = The End.





Bottoms Up, Brazilian Nut Woods.

Getting Lucky

Flatteringly, I've been linked (and Cut and Pasted) by Lucky Girl, for which I must invite myself to New York and buy her dinner.

God, wouldn't that be a fine thing, going to New York? Yeah, and not likely for the next little while (even if Lucky Girl actually allowed me to squire her around for a couple of hours.)

Which nicely leads me to the thought of dating in the Great Recession. Unemployed people date too, don't they? Underemployed people date as well, I assume, but with a much reduced budget. Noticeable in my cruising the bars is that while there are fewer people out dining, folks are still out drinking. But I'm in Florida, which no longer has any work apart from changing adult diapers.

Maybe dating with fewer dollars in your sky-rocket is easier. If there's less in the way of fluff between meeting and bonking, the decision is made earlier, and on more realistic grounds. I have gone overboard too early on a date. Big dinners, bottles of champagne, elaborate plans are NOT appropriate for the first TEN dates at least. That lesson cost me MUCHO money, I can tell you. And while flashing the cash can push a chick over the edge if she's wavering, it won't undress her if she can't imagine herself with you.

It's so often about how she thinks about you, whether she imagines herself in whatever romanto/domestic sitch she dreams about.


Bottoms Up, Job Seekers!




Pic of fast daters from here [link]

Selling Yourself.

Similarities between successful selling and successful dating include being proud of the product you're selling. Dating is partially about selling yourself, if only in a passive way. It's about attracting people too - being sold to - so all we daters are partly customers and partly salespeople.

Some folks are quite aggressive with their salesmanship. Whether that means they have greater faith in themselves as a product than someone with a gentler style isn't clear to me. A case could be made for the in-your-face dater as someone with less faith in their ability to attract the special one, or it might just be too much booze.

Pick-Up Artists fall into the over-selling category. The Game is full of characters who push themselves beyond their usual boundaries to attract women. They're studies in overcoming natural disbelief in themselves by overcompensating in the chase. Such effort is exhausting. It stands to reason that the PUA world is full of burned-out cases, with the notable exception of those who make money teaching their particular sales pitch to others.

The other kind of dater is the one who relies less on sales and more on attraction. Traditionally women comprise the largest portion of this category, but that's changing. My most recent successes in the dating department have come because the woman chose me; she pitched me with herself, and gave me the choice. The transaction is more subtle than I'm expressing it here, but the energy direction is accurate.



Bottoms Up, Product Marketers!


Pic from Pining for Nordstrom [link]

Edited for the usual poor quality expression.

The Secret

Guessing now, but I imagine that men spend a minimum of ten percent of their lives thinking about women. That's 65,700 hours in the average male lifetime completely dedicated to contemplating the be-skirted sex.

And the marital status of the dude doesn't matter. Single guys spend their allocation wondering how to snare one; guys in relationships wonder if she is the one; married fellas have the complicated circumstance of having one bird in the hand and a nest and previous birds in the bush. That's not something about which I can authoritatively speak.

I'm writing a review of a book about a famous American man. Revealing his name would spoil the fun, but the following excerpt, which is a quote from a friend of his, caught my eye. Some truths about women are universal, even if we - all we men - think we know stuff others don't.

Here's how to woo a woman.

"(He) treated romance as a job - not as a conquest, but as a process. The reason that every woman who ever met him fell in love with him - and I've never met one who didn't - is because he put so much effort into it. Any woman who came to (his place) would be wined and dined. (He) would prepare elaborate meals with oysters, chocolate, strawberries, champagne - drugs, if that's what they were into. He had a magical ability to make a woman feel as though she was the only one who ever existed - he actually used to laugh at other men because he knew how good he was."

Aye. Make a woman the centre of your universe...at least while you're together. That's The Secret.



Bottoms Up, Lotharios!


Pic of cheer-leader from a now-defunct blog, so it's pointless providing attribution. I bet she likes an oyster and some champagne.

One-a-Day

Warren Beatty is an ancient Hollywood star.

There is news - or what passes for news thesedays - about the number of women with whom he had sex in his past single life. The allegation (congratulation?) is that somewhere north of 12,000 different women played hide-the-sausage with Mr Beatty. The source is a newly published unauthorised biography written by Peter Biskind of Vanity Fair.

Mr Beatty claims (via his lawyer) he was misquoted and that the book contains inaccurate statements.

The 12,000 number might or might not be true. It has the smell to me of a publicity ruse; a nice big round number that newspaper 'style' and 'life' sections picked up without question. The number didn't come from 12,000 women coming forward claiming they'd been with Warren, nor were there 12,000 condoms or 12,000 soiled sheets. Mr Biskind takes an unattributed statement that Mr Beatty had sex with a new woman every day for thirty-five years, then multiplies 365 and 35 to come up with 12,775.

In other words, the source of this 'fact' is a pocket calculator.

You will be relieved to know it does not include "daytime quickies, drive-by [encounters], casual gropings, stolen kisses, and so on", writes Mr Biskind.

That is good news.




Photo of Julie Christie, apparently one of the 12,000, from here. [link]

Edited for clarity.