Friday Fluffer - The Over/Under

Jayne Mansfield photo credit.

My Friend Tim: So, did those girls from the tiki bar on Sunday call you?

Wombat: Yep. Vicki, the older brunette called on Monday night.

My Friend Tim: Hmmm, it's always the ugly one.

Wombat: Pity it wasn't the cute blonde.

My Friend Tim: I guess, but you don't want her either.

Wombat: No?

My Friend Tim: No, dude. Fierce overbite. You can do better.




Friends always see what we cannot, no matter how irrelevant.





Bottoms Up, Friends.

Hominy!

Out of curiosity, I purchased two cans of hominy and they've sat in my pantry for...  well, I don't want to admit how long ;)  Hominy, it turns out, is maize (corn) that has been alkali-treated to remove the hull and germ.  When dried and ground into a flour, it is the basis of masa harina (think corn tortillas).

white hominy (Image Source)

I made two recipes, and enjoyed the different texture hominy added to the stews.  I'd throw it in every once in awhile to mix things up, but to be honest I'd probably throw some quinoa in there next time or make some cornbread ;)  They were solid recipes though, so if you're looking to try it out these would be a good place to start.

Green Chile Pork Posole

The first recipe was a Green Chile Pork Posole from Bon Appetit (recipe here).  My only change was to use a jar of tomatillo salsa instead of fresh tomatillos (couldn't find them at the store).  The second was a Turkey & Hominy Chipotle Chili from the NYTimes (found here).

Turkey & Hominy Chipotle Chili

Have you ever tried hominy?  I'm thinking Joanne has the right idea with her hominy puree, maybe I'll have to give it one more shot!

Plan B Croquettes and Green Goddess

Heather was hungry, and I had some chicken thighs in the fridge. Chicken these days isn't that tasty unless you get an expensive artisanal hand-raised bird, but in a pinch, I'll use supermarket chicken thighs, the only part of a modern commercial bird that still tastes like a chicken. Thighs are a nice balance of meat, skin and fat, and the knuckle of bone in there is why they have better flavor. Normally I like to brine chicken overnight before cooking it to improve the flavor, but there was no time for that. I put the oil on to heat and made a breading by mixing a little smoked paprika and vindaloo curry powder into rice flour and cornmeal, and added a little shredded coconut, which goes nicely with curry. I made an egg wash to dunk the chicken and bind the breading with a couple of eggs, Siracha, Worcestershire sauce and minced garlic. I set-up a breading station on the countertop and went to retrieve the chicken. Unfortunately the chicken was still frozen. I had moved it to the fridge from the freezer the day before, but it was still rock hard.

With the oil already getting hot I needed a plan B, so I decided to make croquettes. I quickly chopped some ham, salami, prosciutto, onion and parmigiano and loaded it into the food processor. I pulsed it dry for a while, then added the flavored egg wash and pulsed it to incorporate. I turned the mixture into a bowl, and added enough of the breading mix to give the croquette some body, then formed balls, dredged them in the coconut breading and fried them. The coconut darkened more than I would have liked, but otherwise they came out okay and tasted pretty good. If I hadn't started out on a chicken trajectory I would have put more thought into the croquettes, probably processing the meat finer and adding cream, yogurt, ricotta or another enrichening element, but for an emergency plan B they were fine.

They needed a sauce, but I didn't have anything prepared, so I made a mock-green-goddess dressing with some mayonnaise, mustard, vinegar, salt, pepper, honey and chopped parsley and cilantro. I would have liked to include some tarragon, mint or basil, but I didn't have any. The dressing was okay if a little bland, but it kept the croquettes from being too dry, which was its main purpose anyway.

Grapeshot of Wrath

Women dumbfound me in all kinds of ways, but the one way to completely flummox me is to get angry. Behind every pissed-off woman is a fearful and clueless man. That would be me.

Anger is one emotion that highlights the power a woman can wield over a man, should she so choose. Get wild-eyed and emotional, and your man will do anything to make it go away.

Now this might strike you as being counter to type. You know, blokes are supposed to be the violent ones - we make war, we play bone-breaking games, we kill to eat. While we're out being destructive, women are at home being nurturing, compassionate and seeeeeeeensitive, right?

That's right as far as it goes. But there's a difference between violence and temper. One can be violent without emotion. Civilization is in part the history of men creating rules and conventions that channel and codify our inbuilt aggression. Boxing us in like that prevents us committing dopey violent acts in a fit of pique, and a good thing it is. Brawls never seem as compelling the next morning.

Which is why a lot of us are unsure what to do when our beloved is shouting and being volcanic. There are no rules. There's no tribunal to consult, no referee to coolly determine who's offside and what the penalty is.

Any tips from woman on smart courses of action are welcome.




Bottoms Up, Plate Chuckers!

Penne with Plums, Bleu Cheese and Ham

Got home from poker and Heather was trapped under Bacon the cat. She could barely see her crime TV and barely get to her laptop. When she saw me her eyeballs opened wide like I was the allied army liberating her from Dachau. She was so weak she was barely able to whisper "...starving..."

Lately I've been experimenting with rich, strong flavors balanced with lighter, acidic fruit. I made a nice pasta with gorgonzola, apples, bacon and onion, and I thought plums would work in place of the apples, being similarly tart. I got water on for pasta and made a base for the sauce with some olive oil, chopped sweet onion, garlic and diced smoked ham. When all that was hot and sweating, I diced a plum and added that. I was concerned about the color running and getting muddy, but the plums basically kept to themselves and caramelized nicely. When the pasta was still a little firm I transferred it to the skillet with the sauce ingredients, along with about a third of a cup of the pasta water, which helps to bring the sauce together. I could have used a little white wine or stock, but the ham, garlic and bleu cheese were such strong  flavors that to have any hope of tasting the plum I should avoid any more complicating elements. I cooked the pasta in the sauce for another few minutes, and once I added the pasta water the plum color did start to run a little, which may explain why people don't use plums in pasta that often. When the pasta water was mostly absorbed, I added the bleu cheese and tossed it until it softened and became partly incorporated as a sauce.

I plated the pasta and dressed it with some chopped parsley, toasted pumpkin seeds and a coddled egg yolk. I put an egg in with the pasta for the last few minutes of cooking. I did that because the eggs were in the refrigerator, but if I had a room-temperature egg I may have just floated the yolk on the pasta and let the residual heat denature it a little. I like using egg yolk to help bind a sauce that has chunky elements like the ham and plum dice in this one. A little snowfall of parmigiano was the last bit of business before I served it to Heather.

The reviews were unfortunately focused on the toothiness of the pasta, which was apparently a little too firm. Prior to tasting the pasta, one of the customers reported "hating" it, while another said "you know I hate raw pasta all I can taste is raw pasta," but the harshest comment was "Why did you make pasta I can't eat? You should have tested it." There were a few other comments, and possibly even some returned after trying the pasta, but unfortunately I missed them as I had left the room to watch Baseball Tonight on TiVo.

[edit] Late-returning reviews were much better. Flattering even.

One Fine Day

Photo of Rosemary DeWitt from her website.

The downside to singledom is not knowing if you'll ever meet anyone. The upside is that you will. Or at least you might.

Aphorisms abound:


...you will find someone when the time is right...


...someone will pop into your life when you least expect...


...act like you don't care, and you'll find the person who will...


etcetera.

Trouble is that none of this advice helps with the actual meeting of new people, the lifeblood of we on-our-owners.

Given that finding people takes actual effort - as opposed to sitting on your duff and scrolling through yet another dating website - it helps to reframe the argument, viz:

Being single isn't about being without; it's a hike through interesting countryside, sometimes barren, sometimes lush, sometimes completely unremarkable. But one day the most wonderful vista will open up, and you'll want to stay.





Yeah, I know. Pathetic, eh?




Bottoms Up, Searchers.

Special Ramen for Late Dinner

We had a fantastic dinner at the Midytte - Hunter house, ribs done in the bourgeois style Tim has been experimenting with, smoke-braised in the barbecue with a fantastic rub, served with baked potatoes dressed with sour cream and winter chives and some delicious spinach, finishing off with excellent espresso and homemade berry-citrus ice cream. We then came home and did nothing for the rest of the evening, which made Heather hungry. Knowing I can't compete with the ribs she politely asked for 

special ramen. Special ramen is regular four-for-a-buck ramen noodles with the broth dolled up a little. While th noodles are cooking, I fortify the broth with some soy, thai fish sauce and vegetable boullion. In the bowl, I beat an egg yolk with a little Siracha, vinegar, minced garlic and sesame oil. When the noodles are done, I drizzle the soup into the egg, beating it to incorporate it. This is where it sometimes goes wrong and the egg curdles into a sort of stracciatella, but last night it worked fine and the broth just got slightly thicker. The egg has the effect of holding the flavors in suspension in your mouth so they linger a little longer, particularly the garlic and sesame, and combined with the fish sauce and soy, gives the soup a nice umame quality. I loaded the noodles in and chopped some fresh ginger, parsley and cilantro for a garnish and the soup made its way into Heather. If I'd had some scallions or winter chives, they would have been cut very fine and scattered on there too. Heather uses a fork for ramen, which I find really awkward so I use takeout chopsticks, but I used to have a couple sets of nice Japanese hashi that were perfect. I lose everything don't I. I wish I didn't lose everything little and cool.

I've had magical ramen in Japan, and pretty good ramen in the US at a few specialty shops and Japanese markets, so I know this is not legit ramen, but I've always liked the way a couple of extra ingredients and five minutes can make even pre-packaged bachelor fodder like this into something tasty. Tonight I'm playing poker until pretty late, but when I get home I could make another one of these in a few minutes. (vg without fish sauce, v without egg)